Archive for April, 2007

Thor traversed great seas and finally made it to our shores. I hope he didn’t get seasick! It took 3 months but he finally made it here. Lol! Next time I won’t be so kedekut and I’ll buy Thor an air ticket instead. Hahaha.

He made it here in good shape and hubby loves it. I got a big smackeroo for it and hubby says “Next year for my birthday can you get me Dr Strange or Silver Surfer?” Hehe. Anytime, my dear, anytime.

Psstt. Yunno wut anot?  Luckily, Thor made it here in good time. Hubby was just telling me that this year I won’t be getting any birthday present because he didn’t get any. Phew! So thank goodness he made it here before my birthday. Haha.

Now, lets see what I want for my birthday. I’ve hinted that I wanted something that makes music in the room. Lol! Must hint mah. If no hint hint, might get something I dunwan. Do you hint to your spouse on what you would like to get for your birthday?

A long holiday is coming up for us here soon, so happy holidays everyone!

 

I was at a gaberment hospital and I was impressed by the equipment, the service was reasonably good and the price cheap.

I only have one grouse, the long waits and not being able to get to see the doctor I want or my regular doctor because of the way the system works.

When I was at the hospital I asked for my doctor or rather my hubby called him to go and see me but he said kenot because thats not normal procedure. He wasn’t making his rounds then so he had to let the others do theirs according to procedure. Eventually he was kind enough to come see me but only briefly.

Subsequently I was given an appointment to see him about one or two weeks after discharge. I waited for 2 1/2 hours along with two restless kiddoes but when it came to my turn or almost my number, he came rushing out and told me he had to go for a meeting, he told me to just take the medicine prescribed and see another doctor.

Hmmm… when I complained to my girlfriend about this she said “Eh didn’t you know? You must give some gift basket or etc lah to get to see the loctor you want. Better learn lah.” to which I replied “Yah hor, my aunt used to give some angpow to the loctors and nurses she saw and she always got called ahead of the others but I don’t know how to do things like that. I’m just too straight.”

Hmm….. well, I’m not quiting on the doctor yet because I don’t blame him. He is really a good neurologist and when I do get to see him, he takes his time to explain things to me and is very patient. Its just the system. Overworked and underpaid I guess. I wish things could be a little better but its a lot improved now I think. Like I said at the start, the hospital equipment, the service, the kind nurses, even the food and the food catering service was reasonable (though I didn’t have much appetite) and of course the subsidised hospital price, they’re all good. :) 

Thanks to all who came by and dropped encouraging comments. I’m done venting for now. Did I sound like I was about to crumble or fall to pieces? Haha. I hope not. Life goes on and so must I.

I have taken some preventive measures for safety but these are not foolproof but is anything ever? After the first seizure two years ago I arranged for a part time helper to come in a few times a week. Now she comes in daily for more hours each day. So now I am officially a full time lady of leisure. Hahaha. I can have more time to play with and hug my kids.

Hey, this should make me a stronger, better more loving person but I find that I am still the same old complaining, impatient, grouch. Oklah, bagi chance lah. Half the time I feel sleepy or drugged from the medication. The other half, I feel fearful and frustrated when my sleep gets disturbed by the kids or the spouse and so I show my black face and frustration at them.

But I know I must not let the psychological fear of getting a seizure become worse than an actual seizure itself so I must learn to control it. Otherwise the family will suffer too. This condition is hard not only on the individual who has it but on their families too.

The poor spouse who comes back tired from work now does not have anyone to manja him. He only gets a tired, fearful wife whom he feels he must constantly watch over. Hmm… I hope we can get over this stage and move on the way we were before.

The kids too must not pay the price of a tired, impatient mum but then I’ve always been a tired, impatient mum so theres really no difference. Lol! 

Hubby says I should get back into easing into an exercise routine which he feels is good for me and so I shall. I am also trying to take it easy and relax more but that feels so strange. I realise that I have always been rushing around that I have forgotten how to relax! So now, I really should learn to listen to some relaxing music, read some magazines, paint my nails but it feels really strange to be doing these things. I don’t even have a good music player and nice CDs although I love music.

I must learn to relax more, exercise, sleep better, eat well etc. But then so must all of you reading this. Don’t take your good health for granted.

I’ve been diagnosed with epilepsy at age 41. Isn’t it funny the kind of surprises life throws at you?

I had my first seizure 2 years ago. At the time the neurologist told me that he was not concerned. One seizure does not make you an epileptic, he told me.

1 1/2 years and a second seizure later, he told me, the medication to control seizures is very strong so its ok for you to wait and see first since the seizure is so infrequent. It might not be necessary for you to take a medication with many side effects to control something that happens infrequently. Both seizures occurred in bed so there was even less reason to take any medication for it at the time.

The recent seizure incidents took place 1/2 year after the last so looks like theres no escaping medication and its side effects now.

I’m now on anticonvulsant drugs. It made me feel so sleepy the first few days I was on it. I’m less sleepy now but still feel drugged, woozy, spaced out or dazed at times. I’m told that these effects will go off in a couple of weeks. Drowsiness is just one of it, there is a long list of other possible side effects.

I love things natural and hate pill popping but now I have no choice but to pop pills twice a day. I hope it helps to control the seizures as these things work differently on different individuals and its so subjective. They would normally start you on the lowest dosage and work their way up if it doesn’t control the seizures so I can never be sure….

I feel so lost. I sit here thinking of what lifestyle changes I have to make to be on the safe side. My husband has asked me to read up as much as I can about my condition. I would normally do that, ie read up as much as I can because with understanding and knowledge, comes better management but at the same time I’m afraid to read. The more I read, the more frightened I become. Maybe I’m just in denial.

I’m lost and I’m worried. Worried about the children. The people around me tell me that the experience appears more traumatic for me than the kids but still I worry even though they appear fine and I worry that if I fall unconcious they may get into mischief on those times when no one is around. I have arranged for someone to be around most of the time but its not possible for that all of the time. I have also stopped carrying or lifting the kids because the last thing I want is for someone else to be injured when I awaken. I’m also worried each time I walk up or down the stairs. So many ifs… and what ifs…. I think I’m thinking too much and should just go and have some fun with the kids now and stop thinking. There you see. I told you I am in denial. I just don’t want to think about it. And when hubby talks to me about his ideas and suggestions just because he is concerned and wants to talk to me about it, I almost want to get mad at him because I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to face my greatest fear.

I had three generalized tonic clonic seizures in a day about 2 weeks ago. It is a most distressing and spooky or shocking thing for me and my family. I’ve had two seizures in my life before prior to this incident. They both happened in my sleep so I certainly didn’t expect to have a seizure while I was awake and going about my normal daily routine and I certainly didn’t expect to have 3 in a day!

I was about to have my bath and standing in front of the mirror when I suddenly let out a cry (I guess thats air being expelled from my lungs), walked backwards and fell right in front of where the kids were playing. I hope I didn’t scare any of them! (Someone in a seizure certainly isn’t a pretty sight and thats putting it mildly. In fact they look rather scary.)

Later on, I had two more seizures while I was resting in bed to recover from the first. They were also witnessed by my children whom I hope isn’t too afraid by it all. I won’t go into any more details about it for now since it spooks me that I lost myself that day and cannot remember what happened for the rest of the day though I may have been awake and talking to those around me. I only remember getting into the car to go to hospital.

My family admitted me to hospital under emergency admittance. The doctors kept me there for 2 days to make sure that I didn’t develop pneumonia since I had an infection from it (started coughing after I awoke) from inhaling fluid into the lungs, I suppose.

I’m fine now physically but mentally, not so, I think. I’m totally freaked out by the incident and so afraid now. Fear is not a very nice feeling to have. I feel like my life has suddenly been derailed and what I’ve got to do now is fix the rails and get back on the tracks. I must maintain a positive attitude.

I was undecided about whether to blog about it but blogging has always been my love and a form of writing therapy so blog on I shall even though I feel afraid to even write about it.