Comments on: Having a maid complicates the family dynamics http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/ My very own mini, personalised, parenting resource. A cyber filing cabinet of parenting articles and links. I love sharing my children's favourite sites, online games, crafts and exchanging childcare stories and parenting issues faced with other parents. Sat, 31 Jul 2010 11:12:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: shoppingmum http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-314680 shoppingmum Fri, 29 Aug 2008 03:05:20 +0000 http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-314680 My ex-maid in Ipoh never spoiled my kids. She would just let them cry and cry and won't give in if I've told her upfront about the rules about food and TV. She was so strict to them, and when my parents saw it, they thought she's too hard on my kids. :P But I think she did the right thing as that would be the way I will handle my kids as well. But over here, my part time help can really spoil them. We have language barrier, so it's hard to explain to her how to treat my kids. Thus, I tend to "push her away from my children" and just let her clean the house. Got what I mean? LOL! My ex-maid in Ipoh never spoiled my kids. She would just let them cry and cry and won’t give in if I’ve told her upfront about the rules about food and TV. She was so strict to them, and when my parents saw it, they thought she’s too hard on my kids. :P
But I think she did the right thing as that would be the way I will handle my kids as well.
But over here, my part time help can really spoil them. We have language barrier, so it’s hard to explain to her how to treat my kids. Thus, I tend to “push her away from my children” and just let her clean the house. Got what I mean? LOL!

]]> By: physiomom http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-314244 physiomom Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:15:32 +0000 http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-314244 Certainly. We need to set the rules and put a stand. Afterall they are just aliens from another country..who are they to set their own style .Ultimately we are still the boss..EEE I still havent got over the dilemma and allergy over "MAID" since the recent maid issue 2 months ago. No matter how nice thet are to our kids, we never can tell what's their real motive. <strong>Its always better to err on the cautious side with our kids.</strong> Certainly. We need to set the rules and put a stand. Afterall they are just aliens from another country..who are they to set their own style .Ultimately we are still the boss..EEE I still havent got over the dilemma and allergy over “MAID” since the recent maid issue 2 months ago. No matter how nice thet are to our kids, we never can tell what’s their real motive.

Its always better to err on the cautious side with our kids.

]]> By: sting http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-314221 sting Thu, 28 Aug 2008 16:51:42 +0000 http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-314221 in my case, it's the grandparents.. they do tend to "spoil" grandchildren.. and they are bit more difficult to deal with.. need to be tactful lah, gotto take care of their feelings lah... sigh.. It's difficult when you want to discipline the kids and at the same time the grandparents giving in to the kids' whims... <strong>When it comes to grandparents its a whole lot more difficult to handle!</strong> in my case, it’s the grandparents.. they do tend to “spoil” grandchildren.. and they are bit more difficult to deal with.. need to be tactful lah, gotto take care of their feelings lah… sigh..

It’s difficult when you want to discipline the kids and at the same time the grandparents giving in to the kids’ whims…

When it comes to grandparents its a whole lot more difficult to handle!

]]> By: Syn http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313886 Syn Thu, 28 Aug 2008 07:52:51 +0000 http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313886 you are so right that i only told the maid wht to do with housework but i didnt tell her anything on handling my girl coz like you, my maid is there not for her but for my household stuff. so i also saw how she pampers my girl from day one, trying to be there for her to wear her shoes, or clean up after her, etc. i had to tell her not to and till today, at times, i still need to remind her not to. my maid got no experience working for people but i'm guessing she's doing this from how she handles hers as well back home. a few times she laughed when my daughter answered me back while i was disciplining her and i had to tell her in a nice manner never ever do that again. anyway, i'm prepared to remind the maid of things i don't approve of when it comes to my kids and my hubby agrees too. i think generally, maids spoil our kids because at the agents, they are told (perhaps threatened too) not to mistreat their employers kids. i remember my agent was telling my maid this firmly when i picked her up. <strong>When I went to pick her up, my agent was telling her not to simply simply hug and kiss the kids because Chinese people don't like that. Strange isn't it? Yes, mine also tend to pamper and looks like she wants to rush to their aid when I am disciplining them.</strong> you are so right that i only told the maid wht to do with housework but i didnt tell her anything on handling my girl coz like you, my maid is there not for her but for my household stuff.

so i also saw how she pampers my girl from day one, trying to be there for her to wear her shoes, or clean up after her, etc. i had to tell her not to and till today, at times, i still need to remind her not to. my maid got no experience working for people but i’m guessing she’s doing this from how she handles hers as well back home.

a few times she laughed when my daughter answered me back while i was disciplining her and i had to tell her in a nice manner never ever do that again.

anyway, i’m prepared to remind the maid of things i don’t approve of when it comes to my kids and my hubby agrees too.

i think generally, maids spoil our kids because at the agents, they are told (perhaps threatened too) not to mistreat their employers kids. i remember my agent was telling my maid this firmly when i picked her up.

When I went to pick her up, my agent was telling her not to simply simply hug and kiss the kids because Chinese people don’t like that. Strange isn’t it? Yes, mine also tend to pamper and looks like she wants to rush to their aid when I am disciplining them.

]]> By: Annie Tan http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313878 Annie Tan Thu, 28 Aug 2008 07:43:40 +0000 http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313878 You give very good advice. (rating : ******) <strong>Aiks. Got rating sumore. haha</strong> You give very good advice. (rating : ******)

Aiks. Got rating sumore. haha

]]> By: sesame http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313760 sesame Thu, 28 Aug 2008 03:30:02 +0000 http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313760 Two rules I set with her about my child. No hitting and no teaching him how to read cos she cannot pronounce properly. This year, I started to let her hit his palm if he were to misbehave. But so far, she hasn't had to resort to that. I also set rules for the boy with the maid. No bullying and he has to show basic respect. <strong>You are right. The rules must be set with the kids too. :)</strong> Two rules I set with her about my child. No hitting and no teaching him how to read cos she cannot pronounce properly. This year, I started to let her hit his palm if he were to misbehave. But so far, she hasn’t had to resort to that.

I also set rules for the boy with the maid. No bullying and he has to show basic respect.

You are right. The rules must be set with the kids too. :)

]]> By: chinnee http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313715 chinnee Thu, 28 Aug 2008 02:45:24 +0000 http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313715 yes, u are very right there. we are having the same problem with qiqi too, as she knows the maid cannot scold her (i told the maid not too, but instead tell me her misbehave after the horror story i read from shireen's blog). but in the end, qiqi frequently bully her :( <strong>Kids are smart so we have to always be on our toes to nip these kinds of problems in the bud.</strong> yes, u are very right there. we are having the same problem with qiqi too, as she knows the maid cannot scold her (i told the maid not too, but instead tell me her misbehave after the horror story i read from shireen’s blog). but in the end, qiqi frequently bully her :(

Kids are smart so we have to always be on our toes to nip these kinds of problems in the bud.

]]> By: health freak http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313714 health freak Thu, 28 Aug 2008 02:41:29 +0000 http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313714 My maid tends to want to be like me with the kids to the extent that she hits them and scolds them. I put my foot down and told her not to. Only I can discipline them if they are naughty. Your maid sounds like a good maid! <strong>I think a bit of scolding from the maid is not so bad but hitting is a no no.</strong> My maid tends to want to be like me with the kids to the extent that she hits them and scolds them. I put my foot down and told her not to. Only I can discipline them if they are naughty.
Your maid sounds like a good maid!

I think a bit of scolding from the maid is not so bad but hitting is a no no.

]]> By: henny http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313691 henny Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:47:05 +0000 http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313691 I do set rules for the maid, but she doen't take big part in my kids routinity at home. Sometimes maid's stuff easier than grandparents'... and parents-in-law often come at the top of hard-to-handle issue in raising our kids independently (follow our rules), you know what I mean .. :) <strong>Henny, unfortunately, both my parents-in-law and my mom are no longer here, so theres only my dad, who has dementia so I'll not know what you mean in the practical sense.</strong> I do set rules for the maid, but she doen’t take big part in my kids routinity at home. Sometimes maid’s stuff easier than grandparents’… and parents-in-law often come at the top of hard-to-handle issue in raising our kids independently (follow our rules), you know what I mean .. :)

Henny, unfortunately, both my parents-in-law and my mom are no longer here, so theres only my dad, who has dementia so I’ll not know what you mean in the practical sense.

]]> By: wen http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313683 wen Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:38:29 +0000 http://mumsgather.com/2008/08/27/having-a-maid-complicates-the-family-dynamics/#comment-313683 my maid didnt know how to handle kids, didnt laugh or play with kids and my kids never liked her. but then i was the one who did everything with the kids, except that maid made gave my girl her afternoon nap, thats it! she once got angry with my son and fooled him when he was playing in the garden, i saw and gave her a good scolding! she is slow, dump, never talked or smiled much. so how can the kids 'follow' her? hope my new maid is a good one with kids. <strong>Mine is good with playing with the kids, maybe too good!</strong> my maid didnt know how to handle kids, didnt laugh or play with kids and my kids never liked her. but then i was the one who did everything with the kids, except that maid made gave my girl her afternoon nap, thats it! she once got angry with my son and fooled him when he was playing in the garden, i saw and gave her a good scolding! she is slow, dump, never talked or smiled much. so how can the kids ‘follow’ her? hope my new maid is a good one with kids.

Mine is good with playing with the kids, maybe too good!

]]>