When choosing a husband….

When choosing a husband, don’t choose one who has a fantastic mom or one who has a mom who does everything for him.

For example, my nephew who has just gone overseas to pursue his studies found that he now has to learn how to make instand noodles and he doesn’t know how to use a washing machine to wash his clothes because his mom has always been there to do these simple tasks for him.

“You’re spoiling him.” I told my sister. “I pity the poor girl who is going to marry him.” Haha. I was just teasing her of course but its true to a certain extent.

In a similar vein, my husband who was not very close to his mom still finds her care better than mine. He often laments that I do not know how to care for his food like washing them properly (like his mom) and making sure he gets his fruits and taking care not to put too much sugar into his food etc. (The fact that he eats biscuits after every meal is besides the point.) He tells me that his mom told him that you should not take watermelon because the seeds are no good (so he hates it when I give him watermelons).  He tells me to get rid of the sprouts from the potatoes because his mom told him they’re bad. She’s right of course and I do get rid of them but he’d still remind me anyway because his mom told him. Beware moms. Your words will stay with your kids a whole lifetime. Lol.

So when he was down with the same bad cough as I am, he moaned and groaned and said “At least when my mom was alive, there was somone to care for me when I am sick. Now……” Aiyoyo! So of course I ignored him for the entire evening afterwards. Hahaha. To which he moaned and groaned some more the next day about how no one came to make sure he was alright while he was resting with a bad headache with fever while his wife just played with the kids. l0l. Next time don’t make such statements then you will have someone to fuss over you loh. Men! They’re such babies when they are sick.

I have the same bad cough and you don’t see me complaining as much and I have no one to “take care” of me as well when I am sick. When I cough, I have to hold on to my sides or bend over in a certain manner because otherwise my caesarean wounds or something lose inside hurts like crazy. I also have to do some quick kegel exercises when I cough or else I will leak since I have slight incontinence after the babies. That means, when I cough or laugh hard, I also have to hold on hard down there lah. Despite all this, I still have to take care of the two young kids so I can’t complain.

Well, he may be right that I do not know much about all those secret hand me downs recipes for ailments and good health. See, I even have to write a blog post to ask for help on what to do about a cough. (Thank you very much to all those who responded.) Anyway, my mom passed away young, so whatever knowledge that could have been passed down to me ended there so you can’t blame me. I told him.

I know its too late for most of the readers of this blog to choose a husband because you’ve already got one. So is your husband a “mommy’s boy”? Do you get compared in terms of cooking and doing some other stuff etc? Do you have to “compete” with MIL? Share share? We can rant together about our men here and let the rest of the men out there learn a thing or two about how to treat their wives. Lol!


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17 thoughts on “When choosing a husband….

  1. I’ve influenced hubby to talk more about his feelings, thoughts. Not to be so afraid of risk taking or trying new things etc.

    long way to go.. hahahaha

    on his side, he has taught me to be calmer etc, think first etc. Food wise… he loves my cooking :)

    men are babies when it comes to being sick..

    Yours is hardly a rant. Haha. And that is a very good thing indeed. I don’t normally like to rant big time about personal relationships too but just for fun lah. Hehe.

    I’ve influenced him to be more adventurous (about food) and a little more flexible in his approach to life and to try to be more tactful instead of straightforward even if the person deserves a telling off. Thats not to say that he is tactless but he doesn’t believe in going round in circles. 😉

    He has taught me to be more organised (I’m still learning), to be calmer too and to be more careful etc.

    Hopefully we continue to learn from each other, influence each other to be better persons and bring out the best in each other. :)

  2. Hubby is fully pampered by me. He never complains and his mom doesn’t know how to cook well and they take outside food most of the time. He only complains about his mother when they used to stay together..haha…
    So I am a happy woman with no competition and at times.. I will teach my MIL to cook a dish or two.

    You’re special then. Its usually the MIL who teaches the DIL to cook. :)

  3. My hubby has a mom who was a good cook, serves his father like a slave..but lucky he doesnt treat his wife like how his father treated his mom. He can be very mandur (Head giving orders) at home but at least he washes dishes, hangs clothes and does the ironing patiently every weekend. However..sometimes he is bcoming more like me…nagging and complaining and seeks attention while I’m becoming more like him ….put priorities first, go straight to the point, etc.

    Hahaha. We inadvertently influence and become more like each other after years together. Sometimes we even start speaking the same way and have you seen couples who actually look rather alike?

  4. My MIL knows how to deal with her children and get things done her way. My husband being the youngest son obviously has some problems “detaching” from MIL. The distance and the fact that we are living in another town make a lot of difference. He still needs a lot of reminder (gentle and harsh) from me not to treat me like her mother or sister, I am the wife and I should be treated differently.

    It is not easy for my husband to manage and handle it all the time but at the very least he is making some efforts. At times when there is a relapse, I will try to understand that it is a fact that she is his mother and she took care of him. Nonetheless, he will still have to deal with the fact that I am different from his mom and sisters.

    My brother in laws generally visit MIL without their wives or children. MIL has gradually realize she has to change if she wants to maintain contact with her grandchildren.

    Its a rather sensitive issue to handle…

  5. You are so true! I have married to a man who has a mom who does everything for him! They are a very typical Chinese family whereby boys are spared from doing anything at all. It was only 3 days ago that I taught him how to operate the washing machine! I am more familiar with his household items than him!

    In my family, everyone is expected to do some housework. My dad will also wash dishes. But, my hubby will not even help out! He says that this are my responsibility!

    As for my MIL, she has her own way to do things and you are required to follow exactly. Even up to the extent of how to hang the clothes to dry and which hanger to use for which type of clothes. If you do it wrongly, she will tell you or she will do it again in front of you.

    Actually my household is the same. When we were young, we the girls helped in all the housework but the boys together with dad just sat around after dinner reading or watching tv. So the brothers don’t cook or help out with the dishes. I think my hubby also from that kind of household. He has never helped in the dishes in all this time I know him but he does help a lot in other areas so very good already lah. Hehe.

  6. Wkekekek..MG oh MG..why you want to open a can of big fat worms????!!!

    My MIL is a wonderful cook, wonderful seamstress (She sews all his workshirts n pants), wonderful housewife.

    Me? WAKAKAKAAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAAKAKAKAKAAKAK I can’t sew for nuts. I can’t cook for nuts. And I’m wayyyy too anal(OCD) in my housework. Luckily, he’s very chin-chai. He’ll do anything to stop me from nagging. WAKAKAKAAKAKAKAKAKAKAAKAKAKAKA!!!

    Hahaha. You ar….

  7. My MIL does all almost everything for her husband and children – from pouring water for them once they are home, clear their dishes when they are done etc. You get the drift. But in my family, we do everything ourselves. So, before I started going out with him, I told him that I will never do what his mom does. If you have legs and hands, you pour your own drink, you serve yourself. So, he never expect me to wait on him.

    But one good thing about his mother is that… because she doesn’t cook well so it is easy for me to be a much better cook than her and make my husband’s tummy very happy. In fact, when she came to visit us last year for my confinement, my husband couldn’t wait for me to cook for him again! Hahaa…

    And yes, if my daughter ever ask me for advice on selecting a husband, I will tell her …Always find a boy whose mother is not really a supermom (i.e. cooks
    well, works well etc) in order to have a easy life. 😛

    As for my son, good luck to him. Hopefully he can find someone as good as his laobu la! Muahaha…

    Ahahahah. I smelll double standards! lol! Come to think of it, my hubs is one of those who has to have water poured for him. After dinner I have to pour water for him and before bedtime make a hot drink for him. If I forget, he’d go “You didn’t give me any water to drink!” His argument is I don’t work woh..otherwise he would share the tasks half half. Pengsan.

  8. I laughed and laughed at this post!!! It is sooo true and it is good I can still laugh at its truth.

    I am lucky. Hubby doensn’t really compare me with his mum….mainly coz he didnt have a very good childhood.

    The only thing he complains about is that I nag too much. But then I will retort it is only coz I care about him that I nag. Coz his mum didn’t really bother and thus never nagged/reminded him about anything personal at all (mopping the floor doesn’t count)!

    But yes, I am in the same boat as you when it comes to him falling ill. We also fall ill but we don’t complain as much as they do!

    But I am thankful he helps around the house and doesn’t complain when I just cook 2 dishes with rice!

    I’m the opposite wor. I complain that the husband nags me. Because he is so careful and meticulous and organised. I think it must be very hard for him to live with a tidak apa feler like me. Hahaha.

    Eh, 2 dishes with rice very good already lah. I do it all the time. Just make bigger portion of the 2 dishes. Hehe.

  9. i’m lucky my hubby is trained from young to cook and to do his own ironing and all because his bro and him were sent away for school at 12 years onwards till uni. i have to admit he’s a better cook than i am as well as ironing and folding clothes! hehe.

    but when his mother is around, she does all these for him. she irons everything; even home t-shirts and all. he knows my weaknesses as a woman esp in the household stuff but still, in terms of hygiene and all, i find my self much better than he is! anyway, he doesn’t really complaint about this – as i am better than him in some other areas at home too. 😉

    i’m also lucky that my in-laws don’t complaint abt me not being domestically trained. i think as long i dont abuse hubby, they shld be ok gua! hehe.

    but i agree with u that women who are not married need to make sure their guys are not a mummy’s boy at all. i’ve also seen too many spoilt men out there and lately, alot of spoilt girls too – so you also have to warn your boy abt them!

    Yah yah, these days there are a lot of spoilt girls too. Must warn my boy about them. I think we’ll make terrible MILs don’t you think? Hahaha.

  10. hahahaha i like your last para.

    well not for me. no husband to rant about :p

    I don’t always rant about the man because I don’t think its good to talk negatively about your spouse especially in public! Besides he’s a good man, a good husband and father, even though he may be a baby when sick. 😛

  11. I had a good laugh reading the post and all the comments above. We laugh because we know it’s true. :)

    I stay with my in-laws. MIL is a great cook. But she leaves the kids to me to discipline, so quite good, but of course she is also influencing them some what.

    But I have told hubby, if we were to live on our own, we’d be eating healthier – less fried stuff, more oven baking of meat etc. and wholesome food between two slices of bread. hahahaha…

    I do other stuff to take care and pamper hubby, laundry, housekeeping, and yes, getting water too. But he is not totally a slavedriver. In fact, sometimes he gets me water, helps with the laundry and mops the floor, especially when pregnant.

    My brother, the youngest in the family will need a wife from 3 generations ago to take care of him. He’s still Mommy’s boy. So teruk one,. My mom very traditional, so very double standard.

    Well, I’ll teach my kids to learn to help around the house but at the same time I hope they’ll have spouses that’ll help around the house too. Like dat oni fair mah, right? I think when it comes to my own children, I might practise some double standards too and make a bad MIL. 😛

  12. mine’s a mommy’s boy alright :S he compares his mum’s cooking with my mum since mine is staying with us and sometimes cook. sometimes i wanna tape his mouth!

    Haha. Maybe tape it up with his mum’s food? 😉

  13. LOL I tell my son from young, your wife will not be your maid, she is your equal and will possibly be working so you better learn to do everything yourself. So altho he is just 13 he can cook, clean, do his own laundry, make his own bed, mop the floor, clean toilet, etc, hehe everything that i do he can do…..now mummy senang, can khiao kha wakakakaka
    He takes his turn cooking dinner, now he wants to learn to sew so can mend his own clothes, ironing will be next on the agenda…hmmm so i wonder, wat i do all day since both my hubby and son do most of the house work………… oh ya i on computer 😉

    Just one more very important thing my dear. Make very sure that he does not end up being his wife’s maid! He do all the work while his wife khiao kha!

  14. You are so cute and what you said is true. Yeah, never marry a mommy’s boy. They never grow. 😛

    My husband is not a mommy’s boy but because my MIL staying with us, so he gets to complain to his mommy whenever he is sick (not the very sick but just migraine). He used to get migraine so I just don’t bother much cause nothing can be done not even paracetamol. The most massage, massage only lor. Then my MIL will show her concern then boil some herbs, etc. She must be thinking I’m a lousy wife huh?

    Haha. You mai pretend pretend to boil some herbs too next time loh… but make sure you get the right herbs! lol!

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