Archive for October, 2008

So far the maid is quite ok. Hubby says she is rather strong and not careful enough while doing things so he asked me to remind her to be more careful. So far she has lost one of our drawer keys because I think she accidentally swiped it while wiping the bookshelf and it fell behind the built ins so we are unable to retrieve it. Fortunately I was able to find a spare key after 24 hours of searching. hahaha. We quickly had another one made so that we won’t have to call in the locksmith the next time. Lol.

The shower pipe in her toilet also burst recently so we called in the plumber…. but it could happen to anybody. Maybe she was too rough but perhaps the pipe was old and about to burst anyway. So far only minor things like these which we can live with.

When she first came, she was very quiet, spoke softly and often had her head lowered. Nowadays she speaks loudly and laughs heartily but she still has this uncanny way of repeating after everything I say and agreeing with me about everything. She also is often in a “standby” mode. Whenever I appear, she would also appear conveniently ready for orders or she would be somewhere nearby within reach pretending to wash the kitchen towels or her clothes. Or she would be in her room reading one of the books or magazines we bought her. We bought her a Harry Porter story book and when I asked her what the story was about she said she couldn’t remember but it was very good. I wonder if she really read it but she is always sitting with a book or magazine when she is free. I know that she can read and write because she would write lyrics of songs and teach the kids to sing them.

We have encouraged her to write home and have brought her to the post office to post her letter twice but so far no reply. She is not really that homesick because she came to work to get away from her stepmother and stepsister. So her motivation to work here is a bit different. Some of them come her to support their children etc.

The other day, hubby rewarded my girl for being a good little emcee at her kindy concert so we took the kids to Megakidz to have some fun. Our new “kid” (the maid) had loads of fun too. Haha. It was fun watching her having fun. She laughed with glee like a kid on the air bouncer.

Speaking about laughter, she has uncontrollable laughter sometimes. I used to take her to the kindy to watch the kids practise for the concert and she would laugh so loudly at the little ones because they were so cute. I think this distracted the kids and the teachers a bit.

Once, we went to a property showcase and there was a clown on stilts. She laughed so hard (much harder than my kids) till the tears rolled down from her eyes. Thats no problem at all. However, once, I saw her laughing loudly at a kid who had fallen off a slide in front of a toyshop. The kid’s parents weren’t amused. They kept staring at the maid like they wanted to tear her apart or eat her up, especially the dad! I had to quickly remove the maid from the scene and gently remind her not to laugh the next time. I told her that she had made the kid’s dad mad because she wasn’t even aware of it. I guess the kid’s parents were mad because the girl was crying and when she saw the maid laughing at her she cried even harder. Actually the kid had ran up the wrong way of the slides instead of climbing from the stairs and that was why she had fallen making the maid laugh. However, I must say that any protective parent would have been mad because instead of rushing to her aid or ignoring her as most people would have done, the maid laughed causing the girl to become embarassed and cry harder. I must remember to remind her to control her giggles in public next time. I still remember how the man glared at her.

She’s very good in ironing and folding clothes. Thats a plus point for her. I hate ironing. So thats fantastic for me. Hehe.

We have been trying to make jellies, steamed cakes, hoen koay (powder cake) etc. This is to occupy her, get her to do some “fun” stuff (instead of just housework 24/7) as well as get some home made food for the kids to enjoy. However, so far, we haven’t been very successful at our attempts so in the end both of us have to gobble up everything. Haha.

We also do some “gardening”. ”Gardening” means watering the plants once a day. Haha. We are trying to plant some vegetables. The vegetables grow so slowly and hubby often jokes with her and asks her when he can get to eat the vegetables.  The maid and I have decided that he can eat them during Chinese New Year. lol.

The other day the kids wanted to buy some seedlings to grow. So far we had only bought ready planted plants and flowers and have never tried growing anything from seeds before so we bought cherry tomato seeds for the boy and daisy flower seedlings for the girl. We planted them into pots on Sunday. It has started to sprout now. Its amazing to watch them sprout and grow. Everyday the maid goes and check those pots of seedlings and our slow growing vegetables so its another “fun” thing for her to do. We’ve only managed to “harvest” some spring onions and ate them once in our soup noodles.

The other day, I asked her what was her ambition for example what would she like to buy home when she has made some money. She told me that the last time she bought home a torchlight for her dad and her dad loved it. He likes taking it to the “kebun”. That is because she lives in a very rural place with no electricity. Her family are farmers. However, according to her the torchlight was “rosak” almost immediately and could not be used anymore. Two things struck me. 1. The simplicity of her reply and 2. Must remember to get her a torchlight when she goes home.

Her hair is a constant source of conversation with strangers. Many strangers have commented about it to me. “Is it real?” “She looks like a negro.” etc are some. Once a woman couldn’t stop staring at her. She stared at her and looked like she was going to burst out laughing. Then she looked at me. I just looked back at her blankly. Really! Whats so funny about somebody that looks different from us?

Recently when we went to the hair salon, we asked her if she would like to have a haircut too since we noticed that it had grown a bit long. She looked a bit uncomfortable but smiled and said “terserah kepada mister dan ma’am lah”. We told her no, it is not “terserah kepada kita”. It is “terserah kepada kamu” because it is your own hair. We then told her to think about it. Later before leaving for the salon, I asked her again and she said no, she wanted to leave it as it is. Previously she had told me that she had very long hair before this but at the camp they shaved all of them till their hair became very short cropped to make things easier to control or manage.

She is a Christian. So she can handle and eat pork and we don’t have to worry about giving her lighter work during fasting month etc. I think this is much easier for us to handle as we don’t have to worry about needing to be sensitive to her religious needs and culture.

Well, that is all for my records for now. Hopefully, we can continue to have a good working relationship.

It is tough when you have trouble from the start. My sister who had to switch to a new Cambodian maid by absorbing her in (she was temp) because the Indon maid that she applied for had changed her mind about working here at the very last minute is having some “teething problems”.

She cries easily. At the agents, my sister found out that one of the reasons was because she said she did not like to take orders from the kids. One of the kids had asked her to prepare some food for them. So my sister said thats ok, take orders only from me and forget about the kids. So she thought that was settled. Another reason is, she is not happy about the food that they eat. My sister allows her to add some extra zing to her food to something more familiar like what she used to have at home. She adds some peanuts into the vege while cooking. Then she becomes happy again.  

However a few days later my sister couldn’t find her in the morning to help prepare breakfast. She was hiding somewhere in the garden crying. My sister took her to the agent again to try to find out whats wrong since she can’t speak English. When she arrived at the agent she saw another Cambodian maid and was smiling again after that.

The agent said she must be homesick, so they asked her for her parents phone number to call back. However the maid had left it in her original employer’s home and they can’t get it back now because that employer no longer wants to have anything to do with the maid or the agent anymore. The maid had only worked there for 1-2 weeks. I wonder what she did to cause such unhappinness.

My sister treats her well but she is still complaining and rather emotional. Everyone advises my sister not to keep her because of her emotional state. However, if she didn’t she would lose a lot of money. Sigh. Tough isn’t it?

Recently I was given a brochure on the home tuition that is available for Primary School Students for the Year 2009.

The first thing that came to my mind was…….. “Well, the new school year is just around the corner, so I will probably be getting more of these leaflets very soon.”

However, on a closer look, I read that “Classes commence on Nov 2008“ Oops! Is there a misprint here? Did it say NOVEMBER? NOVEMBER?!, which is when the school holiday starts?

First, the tuition is for PRIMARY school students. Second, the school year starts in JANUARY 2009. Third, its coming towards the end of the year now and many people usually feel in a jolly good holiday mood at this time of the year and the SCHOOL HOLIDAYS starts in mid November.

Why would anyone in their right minds want to send their primary school going kids for tuition DURING THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS for???!!  I thought that tuition is supposed to be a guide to help students in their homework or assignments or to help them catch up in class when they don’t understand whats being taught or to prepare for exams.

However kiasu parents have taken it one step further. Now tuition is done during the school holidays, before the school year starts and before the subject is even taught in school, so that one can be ahead of their peers?

What do you think everyone? Are we kiasu or not? The fact that there are home tuition services like that around simply shows that there is a demand for it. Scary isn’t it, the level of kiasuness?

Do you have an old record collection that you cannot listen to simply because you no longer have a player to play it? Fret not. Now there is a solution. You can now bring your old records into the digital age with a USBTurntable.

This device allows you to convert your old records to CDs, iPod, MP3 or any other digital files quickly and easily. All you need to do is plug it into your computer using the USB cable which is included.  At the same time a sonic equalizer helps eliminate any pops, hisses or static sounds that you find in old records.

This great gadget is a unique and fantastic Christmas gift don’t you think?

My maid is almost 3 months old now and so far things are ok. I think that having a stranger living in your house for an extended period of time requires careful management. In fact, having anyone living in your house for an extended period of time requires careful management whether its a younger sibling, a parent or in-laws.

I have certain standards and rules in my house which may not work in other homes because each household has their own different set of dynamics. For example, I am home all the time, so I can manage the maid better but at the same time I have to build a very good relationship with her because we will be seeing each other so much.

Anyway, firstly, I do not let her handle the house keys. Knowing that the doors are closed and locked by me gives us more peace of mind. I have small kids and its dangerous to leave gates or grills open these days. However, the price to pay for this is, we have to take her with us everywhere we go, even if its just for a ride round the neighbourhood for fun or to a family gathering etc. We will not take the risk of her being locked in the house in case of an emergency. We also take her along whenever we eat out which raises our living expenses a little bit but that is the price we have to pay. Not letting her handle the keys also mean we wash the porch and car just once a week. It is more manageable that way. The car and porch can be a little dirty. We don’t mind. Safety first. 

Secondly, we don’t watch much tv at home so she also doesn’t get to watch tv freely. However, we do have movie nights where we invite her to watch a rented dvd or movie together with us and she also munches in front of the tv with us. No problem. When there is a good program that we are watching we will call her to watch as well like the opening and closing ceremonies of the Olympic games so she is not totally restricted from watching tv. To compensate for her not being able to watch tv during her free time, we buy her magazines and story books to read. I find this much easier to manage. I remember once when my sister’s maid came over to stay, she watched so much tv that I had to get up at night after I went to bed, to make sure she switched off all the tv and light switches. I think restricting tv also prevents me from having to request her to turn off the tv halfway during an exciting tv program and getting a sour face as a result.

Thirdly, she is not free to come upstairs whenever she likes. She comes upstairs to do housework, that is all. This gives us some privacy because hubby sometimes likes to walk around in his birthday suit. I also make my beds myself most of the time unless I am sick. My bedroom is still, well, my bedroom. It is a private place afterall. She helps me fold the laundry and put them in a basket. Then I keep them in my closet myself. This ensures privacy and reduces temptation too IMHO.

Fourth is regarding the kids. This is actually first in terms of priority. The maid does not handle the kids. I am their mother. So I bathe and feed them myself. She plays with them occassionally when I am busy. I also set rules for the kids. I tell them certain things that they are not allowed to do with the maid, like leaving the house with her alone, for example, unless daddy and mummy says its ok. Sometimes I hear my girl tell her “Tak boleh kakak, nanti ibu marah.” so hopefully that means the kids get the message ie always ask daddy and mummy first. The kids get along with her very well. She sometimes writes lyrics of children’s songs in Malay and teaches the kids how to sing them. Even the 4 year old has learned some Malay songs now and he can say simple words like “Mahu” and “Tak Mahu”. Quite often I can hear the kids telling her “Kakak, lihat saya” or “Kakak, sembunyi” or “Kakak, racing car” If the kids get in her way while she is doing the housework she sometimes tells me “Ma’am, he is stepping on the dust, can you take him away, please?” To me, that is good. I also find it difficult to work when the kids are in the way so I can understand her position and I take them away to another part of the house. I prefer this to her beating them behind my back. It is also easier for her to have a better relationship with the kids by not handling them. You can always have a better relationship with the kids if your job or responsibility is just to play with them. When it comes to caregiving, that relationship changes. She will also find it hard to care for the kids if she does not have the authority to discipline them. I also tell the kids off sternly if I find them misbehaving, talking to the maid rudely or trying to bully her as I will not tolerate those.

Fifth, no doing work without being told. Because I am home all the time, I can have a tighter management. I delegate work to the maid on a daily basis. She does not do work on her own initiative, only occassionally. This reduces the risk of her doing things without my knowledge or breaking things and hiding it etc. She is also clearer about her role as miscommunication can lead to misunderstanding.

Sixth, no reason to lie. We have a rule of not eating in the room. She eats whatever we eat. As soon as the food is cooked, I scoop up the dishes and serve them straight onto everybody’s plate including hers. Her portion is the same, in fact much more than mine because I am afraid of putting on weight. There is never anything lacking so there is never a reason to steal food and eat secretly and then lying about it later on.

Seventh, she does not stay at home alone nor alone at home with the kids. Even if I am just going to the nearby kindy to take my girl home, I take her and the boy along even though this is obviously more inconvenient. It would be too easy to just let the boy sleep in and the maid to do the housework while I collect or send the girl but no, I don’t mind a little inconvenience. Safety first. I have seen maids with a baby in a sling while walking another toddler to the kindy unaccompanied by anyone. Perhaps the employer really has no choice but I can’t help but worry at the sight.

Eight, building a good relationship. Because I spend a lot of time with the maid, I have to establish a good relationship with her. I do this by trying to do things together with her. If I try a new recipe, I saw “Let US try this new recipe together and if we fail BOTH OF US have to wallop it together because no one will eat it!” This usually makes her laugh heartily. Or if someone gives a food which I know the hubby and kids don’t really like that much, I tell her “Aiyoh, finish lah, BOTH OF US have to finish all this cake! Surely we will grow fat!” I always use “US” instead of “you” and “I”. I usually ask her opinion about gardening, about cooking (even though I am a better cook than her since she didn’t cook before in her previous employment, her job was mainly to take care of the kids then) or about how to tie my girl’s hair up etc. This draws her in and ensures she is not left out and makes her feel more involved and accepted. I chat with her about my past stories when the kids were younger etc and she tells me about her maid training experience, her family and her previous employment etc.  When I see that a task is too difficult to handle by one person, I do it together with her. For example, when washing the backyard, I may sweep, while she washes the drain or I may carry pails of water for her while she brushes the floor. If she is out washing the porch, I may prepare breakfast including hers. Sometimes I serve her meals to her when she is busy but thats ok with me. This makes sure that she is not overburdened and it keeps us doing things as a team. It also encourages her to work harder when she feels that she is not alone in doing the work.

Ninth, during mealtimes, she eats in the kitchen, my children and I eat in the dining room and hubby eats in the living room in front of the tv. During breakfast the kids and I eat in the kitchen with her. The rest of the time, we keep it separate unless we’re eating out of course. This makes sure that the kids do not get into the habit of asking her to feed them. It also makes sure that we don’t spread viruses around by sharing food. So far, when the family was sick for months one after another after another, she managed to avoid being sick. It is also easier for her to complete her work. Sometimes she washes up before eating and sometimes afterwards. Its up to her. It is easier for her to manage her work that way. I always clear up the dining room myself and bring the plates to her for cleaning up. Then I cut fruits for the family while she is washing the dishes and I save some fruits for her.

Tenth, drawing the line. Much as I’d like to treat her like part of the family, I have to remember that she is still someone whom I only know for 3 months whose only background I know is what she tells me apart from whats printed on a biodata on a single piece of paper. So, although I am as nice to her as I can be, I cannot lower my guard. This is especially so with my kids. Thats why I have the above rules.

I remember previously when I blogged about maids, a commentor mentioned that he has not enough work for a maid but if he does not have a maid, he will be very busy. I find this to be true with me too. The maid is quite often very free and goes jalan jalan and makan makan quite often with us. My only worry is that she would be bored, feel lonely or left out at times. How to solve those areas?

Once upon a time there was a little girl. The little girl has a younger brother. Before her brother was born, she was mostly alone with her mommy when her daddy went to work.

Whenever there was a family gathering, she cried when she saw her uncles and aunties. She would hide her face and looked a bit stressed. “She is so shy because she didn’t have much of a chance to socialise being at home with just her mommy”, everyone said.

Even when she became a toddler, she was still shy. Whenever her aunts came to visit, she would run under the table and hide and refuse to come out.

Once she was at a gathering where her whole family was being photographed by lots of people. She hid her face in her father’s shoulder throughout the whole session. She refused to look up even with much coaxing.

Soon the little girl became a preschooler but she still stayed at home with just her mommy and now with her little brother too. Her parents had intended to send her to preschool at age 5 1/2. They had registered her but then her mommy was sick so they decided to postpone it till age 6.

Now, entering kindergarten at age 6 for the first time is almost unheard of these days. “She will become a social pariah.” some people warned. Up till then she had not attended any nursery school, playgroup, Sunday school or whatever group. Her mommy was a little bit worried. Perhaps her little girl was not being given a chance to blossom by not giving her opportunities to mix around and learn things outside of the home. Afterall these are the important growing years where they soak up information like a sponge. Oh dear. Oh dear.

Finally the little girl entered preschool. She enjoyed it very much. There was no tears to deal with. It was an easy transition.

The little shy girl whom some thought would remain shy because of the lack of opportunity to socialise was selected for a main speaking part in her year end school performance.

“Mommy, I’m afraid everyone will laugh at me.” she said. This worried her parents. They did all that they could to help her overcome her fear. The night before the performance, her parents did not sleep well from nervousness.

When the moment came, the little girl walked up tall to the stage, stood in front of an audience of 300 plus adults and spoke with confidence. Her parents were very proud of her.

Later she told her mommy, “I was scared mommy, but I tried.” The little girl had bloomed into a beautiful flower.

And this story is told for all the other mommies who face pressure and worry about having their little ones at home with just them instead of sending them to school at age 4 and below. No worries, your little ones will blossom too when the time comes. You can tell anyone who pressures you to send your child to school early to MYOB! Hahaha. Or you can tell them this story of A little Blooming Flower.

How quickly the time is flying by. The end of the year is nearly upon us. Next year we the parents will have to go through two milestones. 

We are sending one kid off to Chinese Primary School for the first time and another one to kindy for the first time. There will be lots of preparation. We would need to get the kids uniforms, school shoes and school stationaries etc not to mention prepare them mentally for it by talking to them about how school is like etc.

I am a bit nervous about not being able to understand what the teachers are talking about during the orientation for the Standard One students in the Chinese Primary School. I look at the leaflet on the program that has been handed out and I have no idea what it says!

I presume that they will be talking about school regulations and rules. Oh dearie me. I won’t understand a word they are saying so how am I going to translate the rules to my girl? My sister tells me that she gave up attending the PTA of her kids’ Chinese school after a while because she couldn’t understand a thing of whats going on.

Hmmm… I want to be an involved parent but how to be involved when I can’t understand the language?

Oh well, we’ll cross the bridge when we come to it. First things first. Right now, I’ve got other things to prepare the kids for. School Concert, Piano Concert, School Trip, School Party, Registration for Kindy, Submit necessary forms of vaccinations etc to School.

Parenting is really a very dynamic ongoing lesson. Not too long ago, we had to learn about why babies cry and the color of their poo and how often they should be fed and how many diapers they should wet in a day.

Now they are passed the baby and toddler stage, we have to prepare ourselves for the next Chapter in Parenting. But are we ready for it? I’m really nervous about sending my kids off to school. Its only October now but I’m already thinking of January. lol. I think I’m more nervous than them! Hahaha.

See the school bus above? I feel as if I am about to take the school bus to embark on my next journey in Parenting. Taking care of school going kids is very different from handling babies and toddlers.

My girl had been bugging me for ages to bake something together with her. But I don’t have an oven, no mixer, no measuring cups etc.

So, I was happy to try out this simple steam banana cake recipe that other bloggers had tried successfully. All I needed to get was a baking pan. Hahaha.

And so armed with the pan, I got the kids to mix the ingredients together, then we put it in our wok to steam. It turned out ok. Its very simple to prepare. We didn’t even need a hand held whisk which we don’t even have. All we needed was a fork and spoon to mix the ingredients together.

Encouraged by our success we decided to make another one the next day. Our pan was a little to big for the steamed banana cake recipe so we mixed two bowls so that each kid could mix his/her own cake. I substituted the girl’s cake with strawberry jam instead of mashed bananas.

When they were done mixing, we put everything together into the pan, one side for the banana mixture and another side for the strawberry mixture. It turned out lovely. A two colour cake. However, I must say that the banana side was much more fragrant than the strawberry one.

What did I enjoy most about baking?  The kids enjoying themselves mixing the ingredients and being fascinated by the end results which looks so different from their cake mixture. And they enjoyed the cake too. They had 3 pieces each!

Baking is a wonderful activity to do with the kids. They learn Maths when counting in the ingredients and a little bit of Science just by comparing how different the cake looks before and after.

I never thought it would happen but it finally did.

I started blogging in November 2004. Now after 4 years of blogging, I finally ran out of things to say. I remember at one time, in my peak, I could post several blog posts in a day. Now, I can’t even publish a post in a week.

I’ve become lazy to blog. I even forgot my 4th year blog anniversary till I wrote this. And I wrote this in desperation…… before my blog MATI! lol.

Well, I’ve got to go and update the rest of my blogs now, before they all MATI too. And hopefully, I will get my momentum back after that.