“You should have your own life, your own pursuits, your own friends,Â your own career. You shouldn’t stay cooped up in the house. Your life should not just revolve around your partner and your kids. You will make your kids guilty in adulthood about having to payback for all the sacrificesÂ you have made for them.”
Some of these statements are all too common and often heard but you know what? They don’t bother me nor do they strike a chord within me.
I am a SAHM. I do spend a lot of my time at home with my kids. My life pretty much revolves around them. Its November now, and I am planning what food to make for the girl’s year end class party, I am planning when I should take my boy to register for kindy class for next year, I am planning when I should go shopping for their back to school gear, I am planning to reserve kid friendly accomodation for Chinese New Year next year, I am planning to take them for a movie during the school holidays, I am planning what sort of activities and crafts I can do with them during the school holidays, etc etc. The list is endless. Its been that way since the time they were babies when I planned what menu to feed them with daily when they first started solids, when to take them to the paeditrician, what brand of diapers to buy etc.
During a typical day at home with them, I would bathe them, feed them, sit down with and help them with their homework, get them to nap, read to them, chat with them, play with them and teach them. I feel happy to be around for them as soon as they get home. I want my kids to come home as soon as classes are over, to hot nutritious food, to a listening ear to listen to what they have been up to all day in school, to get them changed, bathed and refreshed, to sit and do work with them, then to make sure they get some rest and a short nap, then wake up for dinner, to more hot food and some playtime, reading timeÂ etc. Thats what I want my kids to have.
I do not want my kids to be rushed from school to a tuition place still in their school uniform (I see this happening more and more now. I see kids in the evening, still in their daytime school uniform lugging their heavy schoolbags out from a tuition centre, waiting for their parents to pick them). I do not want my kidsÂ to eat food outside provided by some establishment or school, only to have me collect them after work. When school is over for my girl, I still see some of her friends who stay behind for lunch, a bath, a nap and some playtime at the kindy which she attends which also doubles up as a daycare centre. They only get to go home in the evening. Thats not what I want for my girl and I am fortunate that I have a choice to make the kind of growing up environment that I want for them happen.
Yes, my life does revolve around the kids, around their activities, their school life,Â their holidays etc. And yes, I talk about my kids all the time. Why I even have 2-3 blogs that I maintain fairly frequently to talk about them. I may be considered rather boring to some. Oh, I can have “inteligent conversations” if I want to but I like to talk about my kids especially to another fellow mother and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Yes, I am not working now but I did not make any big sacrifices with that (So kids you don’t have to feel guilty, you hear that?) Its not a sacrifice at all when you do something out of love. Its not a sacrifice when you do something because you want to. Its only a sacrifice if you do something because you are forced to or because you have no choice but its certainly not that way for me.
I see some SAHMs who feel “one kind” (I don’t know what word to use) when they meet up with their high flyer friends when their friends pass around their latest name card with high credentials, talk about their latest promotions or latest overseas trips.Â There is no need to feel low esteem nor is there a need to feel overly proud of your achievement of having “sacrificed” your work for your kids.
Pssst. A little gossip. I thinkÂ my neighbour is one of those high flyers. She drives an expensive car which she always toots loudly for the maid to open the gate when she gets home, she wears heavy makeup and often looks at me disdainly. I have never seen her smile. Perhaps she looks down on a mere housewife but I couldn’t care two hoots. Ok. Ok. I’m just making presumptions here but really, I’ve never seen a more unfriendly person. Sorry, I digressed. I do not feel ashamed about being just a housewife. Thats all I was trying to say. Please don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that high flyers are bad moms. Its just not me that is all. I don’t have the energy to be both and I salute those who can do it all but for me, I can’t give my kids the attention I want if I am distracted by other things.
I do not feel “cooped up” in my house all day. I am not “rotting” in my own house devoid of any adult company and conversation. Goodness gracious. Certainly not at all! Â I find it a joy to be able to watch the kids play, to watch their silly antics and listen to the funny things they say not to mention to be able to witness their every first. First roll over, first crawl, first walk, first tooth, first word. Its the most amazing and the most wonderful thing. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.
If someone were to tell me “You should have your own life”, I’d tell them but this IS life. This is what life is all about. I am happy with my life. I am happy with my life that revolves around my kids. Is anything wrong with that?
I am a happy mom and I am not going to turn around one day when I am old and say “I regret giving up my job. I regret giving up some social engagements. I regret living in a world that revolved around the kids.” Nope. I hope to look back one day to having lived a full life that revolved around my kids that leaves me with a close bond with them for life.
The above animation was done for me by Maria or Twinsmom as she is more popularly known around the blog some time ago when I first started blogging. Its a reflection of my day that revolves around my kids.