Archive for November, 2008

My lips are swollen. No, not from kissing! But from a visit to the dentist.

We had taken the kids to the dentist and since I was there, I might as well have a check up right? So, I braced myself up and pretended that I loved going to the dentist in front of the kids. Well, I don’t love to go to the dentist but …… you know, the things we mother’s have to do. One of them is to be a fine actress.

My daughter had her first scaling experience at the dentist. I’ll update that on my Mothering Times blog where I write about her dental stuff for record purposes. Then it was my turn.

My dentist hates my gums. She says I have very bad gums and am headed towards peridontis (Is that what they call gum decease?). Anyway, she says that my gums are so bad and I am having bone loss and soon I will lose my teeth!

Previously she had encouraged me to brush in between my teeth with a special brush but I had refrained because I was afraid that the friction would cause my numerous crowns to give way. Even flossing makes them shake and feel loose. She laughed at me and said that there was no such thing and that if I feel them move when I brush it means that the bones are going and the teeth will soon follow.

However, I still can’t brush off that image when my crown did fall off once…… at a corporate cocktail party some more! I almosts choked… not  on my teeth which I had to carefully remove without being watched and wrap nicely in a tissue but at the thought of it even as I sailed around the room through the crowd smiling with my mouth shut.

Anyway, during the last visit, the dentist had persuaded me to allow her to cut my gums above one of my teeth and I had complied. This time she said that ideally I have to cut the gums or have gum surgery again, not just in one area but at the back of the whole row of front teeth. *Shivers* but this visit she was just going to do deep cleaning or deep scaling.

“I’m going to give you a jab” she said and I nodded with my mouth full. Then I felt not just one but 3 jabs! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Then she started the drills which was ok with me. I was even glad because I couldn’t feel it. And then she started digging and scrapping and scrapping and digging. And then the gums bled and bled and it couldn’t stop bleeding. So she had to press on it with all her might. It still didn’t stop bleeding. Eventually, she decided she had no choice but to sew it back. So she took this long black thread and did a cross stitch on my gums. Waaaaaaaa!

Now my gums still hurt and my lips are cracked and peeling. The next time I visit the dentist with the kids again, I’ll have to be an even finer actress as I pretend to love the visit.

Yesterday, I got the girl’s piano class time mixed up. I was trying to get her into the shower when *ding dong* the teacher had arrived. So I hurriedly pulled her back out and headed for the door.

After piano class, it was too late to bathe the kids so I sent them off to nap. It was rather late by then so they didn’t nap, after all. Then it was dinner time.

After dinner, I was doing some things for hubby and by the time I was done it was almost 9pm. I decided to bathe the kids and get them straight into their pyjamas since they missed their afternoon naps. Then I gave them their milk. (BTW, my late mum would probably have given me a good and proper scolding for bathing the kids after 7pm).

The room was in a total disarray. The bed was still unmade because I didn’t have time to do it after the kids had their “nap”. Toys and cards were everywhere. So I said ….”Children (much like the way, Maria from The Sound of Music would), remember  you said you wanted to play the memory matching game? Well, its rather late now, so if you still want to have the time to play a bit before we sleep, you have to help mummy pack ok? Mummy is going to have a bath now and going to wash your bottles. By the time, I’m up, I want to see all of these toys gone and the pillows and blankets put nicely in the right place. Remember to pick up the cards too so that we have all the cards we need to play the memory game.”

Then I went to have a shower. By the time I came out, the toys had disappeared! The bed was made, the pillows were where they should be, the bedspread was nicely pulled out. The bed looked very inviting. I wish I could jump into it. Haha.

How to Stay Sane Rule #1: Be innovative! Instead of yelling at the kids to pick up the toys and then swearing under your breath while  you make the bed. Give the kids a reason to pack up themselves. It’ll be done faster than you can do it yourself. Haha.

So I sat down and played the memory match game with the kids for a while. Then I remembered that I had forgotten to get them to brush their teeth during their shower. Normally, I get them to brush their teeth BEFORE they change into their pyjamas because they almost always get half their top and bottoms wet when they brush. You might think that getting the kids to brush their teeth is such and easy task but really, it can be quite stressful and time consumming. Haha.

How to stay Sane Rule #2: When you realise that you’ve messed up. Give yourself a break. Don’t sweat it. And so I sent the kids off to bed with their milk stained teeth. Pssst. I don’t always do this. Sometimes when I forget to get them to brush BEFORE changing into pyjamas, I would roll up their sleeves, then stand holding a towel between them and the sink to make sure they don’t get their pyjamas wet. Really siao!

Well, so we’re done and in bed reading 10 stories which they had picked. 5 each! Fortunately they were rather short stories. When we were almost ready to turn off the lights, I heard a voice. It said….

“Hon, you long time never massage my feet for me already hoh?”

The kids were happy to hear that as it means they can stay awake longer. So we all jumped into the bed in the adjoining room to wait for daddy to get ready for bed. After the massage and the tv watched daddy instead of the other way around, I took the kids to bed.

Soon enough, I heard soft heavy breathing from the two of them and then I stared into the darkened ceiling wide awake! I was sleepy before but after making sure everyone goes to sleep I can’t sleep anymore!

How to stay Sane Rule #3: When you can’t sleep, don’t sweat it. Think about your next blog post. And that my friend was how this blog post came into fruition. Hahaha. No, I was just kidding. When you can’t sleep, don’t think about your blog, its bound to keep you awake even more! So don’t blog in your head if you want to sleep.

In another unrelated incident, we were shopping when the boy suddenly announced that he had to poo. He said “No” when we asked him “Can you wait?” (Bad parents. Hehe.) So I had to trudge 2 floors down the department store to find a toilet. When I finally did, I decided to take him to a squatting toilet as I was worried that the sitting ones would be dirty. Well, the toilets weren’t child friendly. I had to squat down in front of him to support him because with his little jeans, he could barely stretch to open his legs to reach the sides.

Finally, we found a workable position, so there I was squatting and supporting him and holding a pile of tissue papers which I had retrieved from my handbag with one hand while holding him. And there he was looking up at me, smiling broadly and singing the Christmas songs that was playing in the background! “Aiyah, baby, don’t sing lah. Concentrate” to which he smiled even more and said “Singlah, mummy, sing.” And so I smiled back at him and sang. This is as good a moment of bonding as any, I suppose. (His father and sister were waiting impatiently at another level of the department store and here he was taking his own sweet time but I suppose you can’t really rush your poo. Hahaha.)

How to stay sane Rule #4: When in an unusual situation, don’t sweat it. Hum Christmas hymms instead. lol. (And as a mother of young kids, you are bound to be caught in lots and lots of unusual situations, you can be sure of that!). So stay cool. (Psssst. I’m not always cool. Quite often I raise my voice and throw a tantrum. Hahaha. So I must remember this rule myself.)

Well, after squatting there singing Christmas hymms for a while, I stood him up and pulled up his jeans. “But mummy, I not yet ummm mmmm.” he protested. “Nevermind, we try again next door.” And we tried the sitting WC in the next cubicle because he wasn’t used to squatting. One more Chrismas song and we were done. Hahaha. Cursing under my breath and asking him to hurry up is not going to make the poo come out any sooner so might as well sing instead. lol!

How to stay Sane Rule #5: Ask your maid to do it. Well, thats what I’ve been told but sorry, this is NOT ONE OF MY STAYING SANE RULES.

For example, where was my maid when I was squatting down in the toilet with the kid? She was right outside the toilet door chatting with the toilet janitor who was also and Indonesian. I told her to wait for us outside. Some friends think I am “crazy”. “Why don’t you ask your maid to do it?” However, I strongly believe that all this moments in parenting, the good and the not so fun is what makes you bond with your child, so I prefer to do it on my own.

I remember my friends commented to me that “Wuah, now you got maid, you free already lah. When you eat outside you can eat without being disturbed as your maid can help you feed the kids.” However, whenever we eat out, I continue to stuff myself and the kids all at the same time like I used to do, while the maid enjoys her meal uninterrupted. When I told them that feeding the kids should be the mother’s job they think I am quite mad.

Well, taking care of young kids can really drive you mad. This is how I sometimes stay sane. (accept for Rule #5 which is my exception to the rules.) How do you stay sane?

“Wuah! 70% discount! Must buy!”

Think again, whether you MUST buy that item. Its easy to be swayed by the big numbers 50%, 70% etc. Sometimes we end up buying things we don’t even need!

However, at other times we’ve are conned to buy something at an even higher price than before the discount! I think some dishonest retailers are still at it.

A while back, I went to buy a floor scrub at a popular department store. RM1.50 it said. When I went to pay for it, the cashier told me that it was the old price. The new price is RM2.50 she said but you have a 20% discount so its RM2.00.

I was not happy but its only a small amount so I did not want to squabble over it. After paying for the brush, I went back to the aisle to check because I was sure that I saw all similar brushes priced at RM1.50. However, a couple had new yellow tags with the “new price.”  I went back to ask the cashier how come the same brush has two different sets of price tags. She told me that they had not put in the new price tags for the rest.

Hmm…. I guess that with the “SALES”, the new price tag is added over the old price. The price is marked up so that in the end you pay more after a 20% “discount” compared to the original price.

So better be careful next time you shop during “SALES”. Of course most sales are genuine but you must research and know your price. Another thing, I never buy bedding during non-sale periods because its quite annoying to find the same thing going at 70% less the next week or month when they have sales.

I am trying to book accomodation for balik kampung during Chinese New Year. Its not too early you know. Chinese New Year is on January 26 and 27 in 2009. I used to leave everything last minute. Once we even balik kampung without any reservations! We were fortunate to find a room. Hehe. So this year, I am trying to do plan a bit better so that we don’t have to rush around last minute as we did previously.

Now, what I would like to know from everyone is, how do you normally book hotels or make reservations for rooms? Do you go direct to the hotel, through agent or via internet? Which is cheaper and easier?

I tried to go direct to hotel but the rates seem so high. Another thing, they wanted confirmation by paying deposit for one night’s stay which is the norm, given that it is the peak period. Now, I am a paranoid person and I don’t like to give out my credit card information as required. They require the last 3 numbers of the credit card along with other personal details plus a photocopy of the credit card itself, back and front. What if it should fall into the wrong hands?

So I requested to pay by banking in to the banks account but you know what? They don’t accept individual personal cheques. They only accept banking in cash. To me, thats a silly policy because if I bank in now, it will have lots of time to clear. Anyway, they gave my a banking account number with a different payee name, not the hotel name. Ok, so perhaps the payee is the owner of the hotel under a different name but do they really expect people to bank in cash to a name that is registered differently from the hotel name?

When I asked the reservation lady to email the bank account number to me she was not very friendly. I didn’t want her to give it to me over the phone in case I hear wrongly. She just said “Yah” and hung up without even saying goodbye. Mind you, the room is not  cheap since I am taking a big family type room to accomodate my maid as well.

Hmmm…. I am now in two minds whether to look for other accomodation. So I would like to know how does everyone normally make their bookings and confirmations? Can anyone help out this blur queen?

“You should have your own life, your own pursuits, your own friends,  your own career. You shouldn’t stay cooped up in the house. Your life should not just revolve around your partner and your kids. You will make your kids guilty in adulthood about having to payback for all the sacrifices  you have made for them.”

Some of these statements are all too common and often heard but you know what? They don’t bother me nor do they strike a chord within me.

I am a SAHM. I do spend a lot of my time at home with my kids. My life pretty much revolves around them. Its November now, and I am planning what food to make for the girl’s year end class party, I am planning when I should take my boy to register for kindy class for next year, I am planning when I should go shopping for their back to school gear, I am planning to reserve kid friendly accomodation for Chinese New Year next year, I am planning to take them for a movie during the school holidays, I am planning what sort of activities and crafts I can do with them during the school holidays, etc etc. The list is endless. Its been that way since the time they were babies when I planned what menu to feed them with daily when they first started solids, when to take them to the paeditrician, what brand of diapers to buy etc.

During a typical day at home with them, I would bathe them, feed them, sit down with and help them with their homework, get them to nap, read to them, chat with them, play with them and teach them. I feel happy to be around for them as soon as they get home. I want my kids to come home as soon as classes are over, to hot nutritious food, to a listening ear to listen to what they have been up to all day in school, to get them changed, bathed and refreshed, to sit and do work with them, then to make sure they get some rest and a short nap, then wake up for dinner, to more hot food and some playtime, reading time etc. Thats what I want my kids to have.

I do not want my kids to be rushed from school to a tuition place still in their school uniform (I see this happening more and more now. I see kids in the evening, still in their daytime school uniform lugging their heavy schoolbags out from a tuition centre, waiting for their parents to pick them). I do not want my kids to eat food outside provided by some establishment or school, only to have me collect them after work. When school is over for my girl, I still see some of her friends who stay behind for lunch, a bath, a nap and some playtime at the kindy which she attends which also doubles up as a daycare centre. They only get to go home in the evening. Thats not what I want for my girl and I am fortunate that I have a choice to make the kind of growing up environment that I want for them happen.

Yes, my life does revolve around the kids, around their activities, their school life, their holidays etc. And yes, I talk about my kids all the time. Why I even have 2-3 blogs that I maintain fairly frequently to talk about them. I may be considered rather boring to some. Oh, I can have “inteligent conversations” if I want to but I like to talk about my kids especially to another fellow mother and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Yes, I am not working now but I did not make any big sacrifices with that (So kids you don’t have to feel guilty, you hear that?) Its not a sacrifice at all when you do something out of love. Its not a sacrifice when you do something because you want to. Its only a sacrifice if you do something because you are forced to or because you have no choice but its certainly not that way for me.

I see some SAHMs who feel “one kind” (I don’t know what word to use) when they meet up with their high flyer friends when their friends pass around their latest name card with high credentials, talk about their latest promotions or latest overseas trips. There is no need to feel low esteem nor is there a need to feel overly proud of your achievement of having “sacrificed” your work for your kids.

Pssst. A little gossip. I think my neighbour is one of those high flyers. She drives an expensive car which she always toots loudly for the maid to open the gate when she gets home, she wears heavy makeup and often looks at me disdainly. I have never seen her smile. Perhaps she looks down on a mere housewife but I couldn’t care two hoots. Ok. Ok. I’m just making presumptions here but really, I’ve never seen a more unfriendly person. Sorry, I digressed. I do not feel ashamed about being just a housewife. Thats all I was trying to say. Please don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that high flyers are bad moms. Its just not me that is all. I don’t have the energy to be both and I salute those who can do it all but for me, I can’t give my kids the attention I want if I am distracted by other things.

I do not feel “cooped up” in my house all day. I am not “rotting” in my own house devoid of any adult company and conversation. Goodness gracious. Certainly not at all!  I find it a joy to be able to watch the kids play, to watch their silly antics and listen to the funny things they say not to mention to be able to witness their every first. First roll over, first crawl, first walk, first tooth, first word. Its the most amazing and the most wonderful thing. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.

If someone were to tell me “You should have your own life”, I’d tell them but this IS life. This is what life is all about. I am happy with my life. I am happy with my life that revolves around my kids. Is anything wrong with that?

I am a happy mom and I am not going to turn around one day when I am old and say “I regret giving up my job. I regret giving up some social engagements. I regret living in a world that revolved around the kids.” Nope. I hope to look back one day to having lived a full life that revolved around my kids that leaves me with a close bond with them for life.

The above animation was done for me by Maria or Twinsmom as she is more popularly known around the blog some time ago when I first started blogging. Its a reflection of my day that revolves around my kids.