Archive for July, 2009

I realise this year that our many parenting firsts do not end after baby’s first turning over, first crawl, first tooth, first walk etc. After that, we had first walk, first swim, first fall, etc etc. Along the way, we had first smile, first words, and many other firsts. We also had first holidays, first day in kindy, first concert, first test, first school trip without us, first …..

However, this year, we as parents had our many firsts instead. We went to the primary school to register our kid for the first time. We got to know other equally anxious parents doing their first registration too. We had our first school orientation… all in Mandarin as we sat there in awe not understanding a word.

Then we collected our kid’s first report card in primary school. We were nervous when she sat for her first school test, performed at her first piano concert and sat for her first piano exam recently. We were probably more nervous than her worrying that she would be nervous.

At first the firsts we truly enjoyable, the first smile, the first toddler, the first words… But as they grow, the firsts become more and more nerve racking for us. Time flies too and before we know it, we’ll be experiencing their first love, first boyfriend/girl friend, first job, first kid! Help!

Nevertheless, however nerve racking, we love them all. We love all the firsts and we don’t want to miss any firsts at all. We want to be the first to watch and experience the firsts with all our kids because we love them dearly. We wouldn’t miss any firsts, not for anything in the world.

I would like to find something to be thankful about everyday. Today, I am thankful for my domestic helper. I use the term domestic helper because it sounds nicer than maid.

She has been around with us for a  year now. I am thankful to have her around. In all this time, we have not lowered our guard with her. She still accompanies us everywhere we go. We have never EVER left her alone at home NOR alone with the kids. She also does not handle the house keys. However, not handling the house keys does not mean that she is in a jail with her freedom curtailed. She is goes out all the time…. with us.

She gets to enjoy dining out, going to the cinema, walking around the mall or even just going out for a drive for fun. To us, this has increased our living expenses quite a bit and we have reduced privacy as a result. However, what we get in return is….

• a clean house – no more toilets that look like a public toilet! It would look that way if left to me alone.
• clean clothes, clean shoes, clean everything
• more home cooked foods. She still prepares and I cook most of the time.
• more time to spend with the kids playing with them and supervising their school work
• more time for me to rest with the kids
• more time for me to do my own things like exercise, blog, play the piano, read or whatever
• she has also become a companion of sorts, we can do gardening or try new recipes together and discuss newspaper articles together etc
• less stress overall

As it is, I am under pressure with the stress of not enough time. There just isn’t enough time in a day. There is so much to do. So much I want to do with the kids, for the spouse or for myself and never enough time. If I have to do housework on top of all that, I would go mad… or rather…. I would become even more grumpy then I am now which is very very GRUMPY!

I wouldn’t say that she is a perfect helper. She does have her moments. She likes to day dream, is sometimes a little rough handling things and I believe she sometimes takes short cuts and doesn’t tell the full truth. She usually nods her head, repeats after me and says yes first. However, she is good at ironing, she is diligent and hardly forgets to turn off the gas after cooking. She is an early riser. She also goes to bed early but thats perfectly ok with us. She doesn’t quite know how to put the plates nicely arranged on the dryer after washing and uses too much detergent (we seem to keep on buying detergent and all sorts and manners of household sprays and washing liquid all the time) but at least the dishes are clean and do not have a sheen of oil still on it after a wash so I can live with it. She is good with the kids but her job is a domestic helper not a child minder or nanny so she doesn’t have much to do with them. She is good at mopping but will usually not see the dust in the corner etc unless she is told but nevertheless with her around, my floor is clean most of the time.

I wish to add that at the end of the day whether we are happy with our helpers or whether they are happy working with us all depends on expectations, the expectations we have of them as well as the expectations they have of us. When there is a mismatch of expectations then all sorts of problems may arise. Recently, my sister’s MIL’s maid actually clapped her hands in glee and begged (or rather pestered them) to be let go at the end of her term. She just couldn’t wait because she was not happy working for an old lady with diabetes who has to be injected a couple of times a day.

Anyway, that is another story. Today, I am thankful for my domestic helper. The most positive part of it would be the time I get to spend with the kids without being weighed down by housework. Its her birthday next month, so we’ll probably get her a cake again and this time, I am thinking of getting her a little gift as a token or our appreciation.

Parents, what do you feel about the reverse in the policy to teach Maths and Science in English?

For me, personally, I am “neutral”. You see, of course I am  unhappy that a policy that is only 6 years old is being reversed. It is an utter waste. Waste of money, time, resources. Even though I would prefer that the subjects be taught in English, on the other hand, I am happy that now my child will have less books to bring to school and now there is more focus. It may sound very simplistic to say this but its true.

You see, my girl studies at a Chinese school. She is required to study Maths and Science in BOTH English and Chinese. A terribly ridiculous situation as far as I am concerned. This is a heavy burden to the students … and I am not only talking about the burden of the added weight of the books to their bags. It is a burden because they have to spend time doing homework and tests in BOTH papers in BOTH languages. It is a burden to their time when there is no focus.

Now, although she is required to study BOTH the subjects in TWO languages, I can see that the educators are half hearted in their attempts to teach it in English. So half hearted that, naturally, at the end of the day, most would almost have no choice but to CHOOSE to do the exams in Chinese. It was reported that most students CHOOSE to do it in Chinese anyway so there is no point doing it in English. Oh really? Hmm….

I would prefer it that the subjects are taught in English because English is our first language at home so it would naturally be easier for my kids to understand the subjects. Perhaps a rather selfish reason but that is a fact. I only choose Chinese school for my kids because I do not think there are any better options. They say that if you do not do Maths and Science in the mother tongue than you can not truly appreciate your mother tongue or learn it fully in all its beauty and totality and this applies to all mother tongues, not only Chinese. Hmmm…. Really? I think the mother tongue is a beautiful language, any mother tongue that is and it can be appreciated in the study of the language itself. Maths and Science need not necessarily be added into the equation for you to truly appreciate and understand a language.

So, though I would prefer that it be taught in English, I am relieved. Relieved that this farce is finally over. If they have to study the subjects in the mother tongue so be it. At least there is more focus now. I chose for my kids to study in a Chinese school so even if the subjects were taught in Chinese I can’t complain even though I would prefer it to be taught in English. I believe that those subjects being taught in English would not take away the study of Chinese as a language. My kids study in a Chinese school because I want them to know some Chinese so even if Maths and Science were taught in English, I would have achieved my objective.

However I must add that the standard or level of English taught at my girl’s school is rather pathetic so English would go down the drain if Maths and Science in English were taken away. So I have to spend more time teaching them in English to make sure their standard of English do not deteriorate. Now, I have to be the one to educate and teach my children in English so that their standard of English will not drop. I cannot afford to leave it to the school to teach. Crazy isn’t it?

I read that some parents are so unhappy over the decision they now want to pull their child out into international schools or send them to schools elsewhere. To me, that is rather drastic. What about the child? Wouldn’t this be unsettling to them? International schools or private schools need not necessarily be better. There will be other issues and challenges you have to face. Besides, this option is only available to a handful who can afford it so such talk is irrelavant to me.

We can’t depend on the schools to teach English anymore. You either teach them yourself, send them for extra tuition (and extra burden) or send them to international schools. So what else is new? We’re in a sad state.

Though my preference is English, as I’ve mentioned a few times, at the end of the day, I do not really care either way. All I care about is a good environment, with dedicated teachers who are experienced and trained and believe in what they are doing. So, to me, the language issue is secondary.  I also do not want my child to be unnecessarily burdened by the study of TWO subjects in TWO languages. I suppose you could say that I am pass caring. I do not care either way because I do not have faith in the system.

I think the policy failed because choices were given. If no choice were given like in those days when everything reverted to BM, then it would not fail. You cannot please everyone, so if you think that a certain subject should be taught in a certain language, then stick to that language and that alone.

Looking at the level of English taught at my girl’s school, I think that yes, English would definitely suffer if the two subjects were no longer taught. I think it would have been really good to let the kids improve their level of English by having the two subjects taught in English and English alone. No arguments about it, you cannot please everyone. Then and only then would the objective of improving our childrens’ English be achieved. (The level of English for our local grads are appalling.) As it was, enough time was given for the study of the mother tongue as a language and in other subjects. Not teaching Maths and Science in our mother tongue would not have robbed us of our understanding of the language or our culture. Sadly, I believe that allowing people the right to choose, has contributed to the failure of the policy. However, having said that, I must add that if they had wanted to give us a true choice, then bilingual exam papers should be printed.

So what do you other parents out there think? Now, shoot!

Parents, if you want to voice your opinion on whether you support the decision to teach maths and science in the mother tongue, you can to Dr Mahathir’s blog and participate in this poll.

When you become a mother you have to become a child again because….

• How do you teach a child to be confident when you have been struggling with self image issues all your life?
• How do you teach a child to be happy with herself when you are happy with your own body image?
• How do you teach a child to eat healthily when you can’t help yourself from reaching out for that piece of fried chicken?
• How do you teach a child to be brave when you are scared of a lot of things yourself?
• How do you teach a child patience when you are always in a hurry?
• How? How? How?

The list is endless and the answer for me as a mom, is to relearn and teach myself all those things all over again, so that I can teach them to my child. Apart from self esteem and confidence, the same goes for teaching anything else.  You have to learn again in order to teach. In order to become a good teacher, you have to first become a student all over again.