Archive for February, 2011

I think I need an oversized wall clock. In fact, I think I need an oversized calander, organiser and a computer with large fonts amongst other things. Yes, that is life after 40. My eyesight is getting worse.

I thought that it would only hard be seeing things from near but the strange thing is I also have trouble seeing things from afar. I can’t seem to read my wall clock. I can’t see the TV and the computer is sometimes blur to me.

The worse part is when I eat. My food gets blurred! It is blur from afar but the nearer it gets to my mouth, the more blur my food becomes. It is a very strange sensation indeed. With so many things going on with my family at the moment, my eyesight is the last thing on my mind right now but I will have to get it checked soon.

At the moment I am wearing my regular glasses on a chain (like an old lady) because I keep on having to take it on and off as my eyesight gets blurred and cleared alternatingly when I look far and near. I definitely need bifocals now than maybe I won’t need that oversized wall clock after all.

My little monkey is back. He is feeling much better now. We still have one more blood test to do for him but I can see that he is feeling much better now.

At the hospital he was very irritable. The nurses there probably thought he was the most difficult kid. At first he was ok but once he learned that the needles were painful, each time they had to change the iv needles oh how he screamed and screamed. Each time he has to take medication, oh how he cried. He was also in pain as he could not sleep properly due to the swelling in his neck. As a result he was extremely irritable. He was in hospital for 7 days altogether. One night I saw him crying softly to himself, tears rolling silently down his face.

When we came home, he was so happy. He made angpows for everyone (even though Chinese New Year was over). There was a message in each angpow. Most of them mentioned “I am happy today. The sun is bright. I am happy. I love you.” He is back to his cheerful, cuddly mode. He is the most affectionate person. He touched my cheek and tried to smooth the lines on my forehead with his hands. He patted my chest and said “Mummy, I will make you don’t so rushed.”

I hope that his blood test will be normal.

To all of you who have written to me, thank you for your prayers and kind words. I find the words soothing, thought provoking and very helpful indeed. Thanks.

The boy is home now. He is much better. Only thing left of his symptoms is dry lips and some vomitting. Apparently he had Epstein Barr Virus. Imagine that. A virus. And they pumped him with antibiotics for 7 days at the hospital and gave us more to give orally. We gave for 3 days but were told to stop because he had diarhea.

All is not clear yet though. We still have to bring him to hospital for another blood test. He has had 4 blood tests so far. All that pricking. He hates needles now. His ESR level is still high. Erythrocyte Sedimentation Rate or ESR is often used to measure how much inflamation is in the body due to infection, cancerous deceases or autoimmune deceases. Sounds scary to me. I hope that all will be fine.

This month he has been to school for a total of …. 1 day. Thank goodness he is only in Std 1. Phew!

As for the girl, the day before yesterday, she came home with high fever. I hope that she has not come down with what he had. He had recurring fever for 10 days.

She was given 3 days MC. For her that means, 6 days of sick leave this month. She is in std 3. No phew to that.

The night before last, she vomitted right after taking her anti seizure medicine. What do we do? When she has a fever, it lowers the seizure treshold so I have to watch her more. She vomitted out the medicine. What do we do? Eventually, we gave her another dose of the medicine. The boy vomitted right after her. Projectile vomit. 3 times with vomit coming out of the nose too. One kid vomitting is tiring. Two kids vomitting is mentally and physically tiring.

They are both home now. They had a fight this morning. I hope that means that they are better. I can’t handle another 10 days of recurring fever and I am worried about the boys upcoming blood test.

Before Chinese New Year, being typical Chinese, we tried to get everything in the house fixed. We fixed the leaking ceiling in the front room, the faulty aircond in the bedroom and the ceiling light near our front door.

On the first day of Chinese New Year, we had two electrical trips,  causing brief blackness and the aircon broke down again so we had no aircon for several days since no one was working on Chinese New Year.

After Chinese New Year we fixed the aircon again but then the ceiling light near our front door broke down again, and my cooker hood light went off, and the ceiling light above my dressing table went dark. This was right about the time after my autogate conked out.

So we fixed the autogate. Had to change the entire circuit board.  Then we fixed the ceiling light near our front door, we fixed the cooker hood light, we fixed the dressing table light but then the autogate stopped working again.

So we fixed the autogate yet again but now the ceiling is leaking again.

It would seem as though the house is in the dark tunnel along with the occupants.

We have entered a dark phase. It is like going into a long dark tunnel. It is cold and horrible in the tunnel. We are all there sometimes together sometimes falling apart. Will we get out?

My brows are permaneantly knitted in knots. Knots upon knots. My shoulders and gait drooped with the weight of it all. It is as I am carrying an unseen weight. I have lost weight the weight that no amount of exercise or dieting will make me lose.

My son was hospitalised for a week following fever that will not go away for 3-4 days. The doctor feared kawasaki syndrome, an autoimmune decease where the body attacks itself. As if that was not bad enough, on the first or second night when he was in hospital, I think that my daughter had another seizure in her sleep at home. There was blood on the sheets, quite a lot of it. I did not see what happened as I was at the hospital. My husband did not see or hear what happened as he was in another room. He only saw the blood afterwards.

When I heard about the blood, my heart sank right to the bottom of my feet if that is possible. Running between hospital and home to care for both kids was a drain for us. At one point we had to go from one hospital to another since the boy is hospitalised in one and the girl sees a doc in another. The boy is traumatised by the IV needles and all the blood tests he had to go through. He moans and cries in his sleep at the hospital.

We are worried sick for the girl. Both kids have had to miss school and the girl has tests around the corner which is a big thing for her as the pressure builds up from the school with more and more work than usual. More pressure means a higher chance for a seizure for her, for me too. I must take care of myself despite the circumstances. No one in the family has had good sleep for days. I want to sleep. Sometimes I sleep from sheer tiredness, sometimes I can’t sleep but I have to sleep. I can’t risk a seizure at this time.

We sort of pressured the doctor to discharge the boy but we still have to bring him in for tests. He is looking much better now and we could not take the running around anymore. We have limited resourses and energy. I wanted to welcome him home happily to his home sweet home but the auto gate broke down and I could not open it. I want to cry.

I realise that in times of crisis, my husband and I do not come together, we come apart and push away from each other because we are so different. Are we only good together during good times? I guess we are both just under a lot of stress. I am so tired. I am scared. I am worried.