The Dark Days

We have entered a dark phase. It is like going into a long dark tunnel. It is cold and horrible in the tunnel. We are all there sometimes together sometimes falling apart. Will we get out?

My brows are permaneantly knitted in knots. Knots upon knots. My shoulders and gait drooped with the weight of it all. It is as I am carrying an unseen weight. I have lost weight the weight that no amount of exercise or dieting will make me lose.

My son was hospitalised for a week following fever that will not go away for 3-4 days. The doctor feared kawasaki syndrome, an autoimmune decease where the body attacks itself. As if that was not bad enough, on the first or second night when he was in hospital, I think that my daughter had another seizure in her sleep at home. There was blood on the sheets, quite a lot of it. I did not see what happened as I was at the hospital. My husband did not see or hear what happened as he was in another room. He only saw the blood afterwards.

When I heard about the blood, my heart sank right to the bottom of my feet if that is possible. Running between hospital and home to care for both kids was a drain for us. At one point we had to go from one hospital to another since the boy is hospitalised in one and the girl sees a doc in another. The boy is traumatised by the IV needles and all the blood tests he had to go through. He moans and cries in his sleep at the hospital.

We are worried sick for the girl. Both kids have had to miss school and the girl has tests around the corner which is a big thing for her as the pressure builds up from the school with more and more work than usual. More pressure means a higher chance for a seizure for her, for me too. I must take care of myself despite the circumstances. No one in the family has had good sleep for days. I want to sleep. Sometimes I sleep from sheer tiredness, sometimes I can’t sleep but I have to sleep. I can’t risk a seizure at this time.

We sort of pressured the doctor to discharge the boy but we still have to bring him in for tests. He is looking much better now and we could not take the running around anymore. We have limited resourses and energy. I wanted to welcome him home happily to his home sweet home but the auto gate broke down and I could not open it. I want to cry.

I realise that in times of crisis, my husband and I do not come together, we come apart and push away from each other because we are so different. Are we only good together during good times? I guess we are both just under a lot of stress. I am so tired. I am scared. I am worried.


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20 thoughts on “The Dark Days

  1. MG, I m so sorry to hear this. At this time, both u n hubs need to be strong and support each other. Most importantly is to make sure the gal n boy gets well soon n all test results r cleared. School can come 2nd.

    Praying for you.

  2. So sorry to hear what is happeneing to you now. Hang it there, the darkness will go and you will see the light again.

    You must take care of yourself, only you can take care of your children. I know it is not easy, don’t think so much and take each day as it comes. Rest and everyone at home needs the rest.

    Pray that the boy is fine and the fever will go away soon!

  3. *sops* *hugs* i’m so sorry too. i wish we live nearby. always remember that in His time, He will make all things beautiful. tough times make us stronger so that we will not be easily broken.

  4. MG, I’m sorry to hear so many things happening all at once for you. The boy is fine now, as you were saying? Let’s hope the tests come out alright too. Whereas for the girl, I agree with Littlelamb, school can come 2nd. Most importantly she gets enough rest, probably can go to the park for some relaxation time (even midweek). She’s an intelligent girl.. so she’ll catch up. You too need enough rest and gotta find ways to destress amidst all these. Be strong and take care now.

  5. am so so sorry to hear that… praying for your family as I type this.. hope your boys’ test results shows that he’ll be fine.. talk to your husband and sometimes, sharing what’s in your mind will help both of you to get through this period.. pls do take good care of yourself..

  6. Just take 1 day at a time. I hope you are feeling better now.

    If your gal is pressure and stress, maybe you can look to kebangsaan school for her. Not too late to change. Health is still more impt.

  7. hey MG, I just read this post of yours. I hope your boy is much better by now. Do try to take things moment by moment. While I know it’s hard not to worry, do try to get enough rest for yourself. School is not as important as health. There are also many alternatives to a child’s education so don’t fret about what your kids are missing out from school right now. You know you have many friends in the blogosphere supporting you. If you need a shoulder, drop me a line.

  8. Hi,i hv been following your blog for a few months and i am truly sorry to hear the crisis u r going thru. I will keep u n your family in my prayers and hope things will be better in no time.
    Be strong not only for your kids but also yourself and your hubby. I know how you feel but your hubby cares for you a lot, just that guys normally are scared to show their emotion. Hence he may seems distant for now….
    GOD has created women stronger than man not physically but frame of mind especially in situation like this.
    Dont worry, things will definitely be much better soon. As for your daughter’s school progress, you can engage a private tutor to coach her at home so that she can pick up the school work. Don’t underestimate the ability of your child, I trust she will be able to catch up at ease.

  9. Dear MG, I just read this and I hope that everything is better and WILL get better going forward. May God bless you and everyone in your family. Take care.

  10. I hv missed something in between for quite a long time I didn’t catch up with your blog! So sorry to hear this and glad to know everything is ok now! Give the boy and girl some time to catch up with their homework and you take good care of yourself!

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