Its been four years

I have almost forgotten it and that is a good thing. I forgot it last Friday, on 1st April. I only remembered it later on during the day.

Yes, it is four years ago now since that awful April Fool’s Day. The day when I had 3 seizures in a day. It still spooks me to think about it and it spooks me even more not to be able to remember much about it. I just remember wearing a yellow towel about to have a shower. I bend down to switch on the little red  radio that daddy gave to me when I was 15. That was in the morning or afternoon I am not sure. The next thing I knew, it was night and I was getting into a car, then I remember the medical officer at the hospital asking me some questions. Horribly spooky. As if abducted by aliens or a walking zombie or something like that. Horrible to lose one’s memory even if only for a day. I can’t imagine how dad with dementia must be feeling.

Husband, sisters and children filled me in with the rest of the lost memory of that day. Husband said, I let out a loud scream, then children said I walked backwards and fell on the floor right in front of where they were playing.  (They were only 3 and 5 then. How scarry it must have been to see mummy in a seizure. Sigh.) Thats where I had the first fit. Then husband said he went out jogging and I called him to come home. (but I don’t remember calling him) He said I told him that my girl said it had happened again. 2nd fit. I had another one later on in the day and a decision was made to send me to hospital.

Sisters came and they said I was able to pack my clothes myself. I even spoke to them but my voice sounded strange, sort of squeaky like. I can’t remember any of it. Oh the horrible memory of it or perhaps it should be the non-memory of it. I am all right now. At one time I was so scared to remember, I even gave away that precious little red radio that dad gave me at age 15.

What I am not ok about is my girl inheriting her mummy’s bad genes. I was diagnosed with epilepsy at 41 but 2 years ago my girl was diagnosed with epilepsy at age 7.  I did not have this in childhood, teenhood, young adulthood. So I went about life with no restrictions. I swam, went snorkelling from a boat in the deep sea, went hiking, went drinking, drove home alone at 4am, stayed over at girlfriend’s houses, etc etc. I did all those things without fear or restrictions at different stages of my life. My poor girl is only 9. We are afraid for her. It saddens me terribly. I hope that she will outgrow this eventually. Having a seizure is not so bad because you don’t remember it unless you hurt yourself in the process. However, watching a loved one have a seizure is terrifying. You feel so helpless and sad. The memory of watching my girl have her first full blown seizure is something I don’t want to remember but I remember it clearly.

I have only had about 5 seizures in all including the 3 on that horrible day and my girl probably about the same number so we do not have it so bad. There are some who have to go through life with daily seizures. I can’t imagine how life must be like. That is why my msn status reads “Each day is a gift” but sometimes I forget that.

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  1. Greg says:

    Dear MG. Thank you for this particular sharing as it make me appreciates my life and my family even more. I have already shared your site with my younger sister in Canada and will definitely share with more friends that i know who can benefit from it and who can read all your heartfelt sharings. One reason why i keep coming back to your site is the truthfulness in all you write as your share your life and family on your blog. I myself may one day blog myself but have been procrastinating due to … a varied of reasons or “excuses” ;P. Prayfully, one day I will have to start it with just one sharing and the rest will flow just like yours. My prayers with you and your little girl as I too have only two kids – one boy and a girl. Also do pray yourself, which I know you are doing, for yourself as well as your daughter. Have a good weekend.

    I am sure that if you were to start a blog, the words will just flow. 🙂 I am a quiet and reserved person but not on my blog(s). I have four blogs. 😛 I just love it, the feeling of being able to reach out to others and sometimes being able to help just by sitting in my chair and typing. I started blogging because I had difficulties breastfeeding and I wanted to give some support to other mothers who were facing the same thing. I like playing aunty agony. 😛 Emails asking for my help make my day. But you just made my day too. 🙂

    Another thing, instead of just reaching out to others, I soon found that others were helping to encourage and support me too. I find that blogging improves me as a person. It helps me to organise my thoughts and makes me more positive. You should try it but it can be rather addictive. However, I am over the “addiction” now. Now, I can go by 1 hour without blogging. Haha. Just kidding. Now, I can go by 2-3 months with no posts in between. Those 2-3 months usually take place during school holidays when the kids take precedence over a blog. 🙂

    Starting a blog is really easy. All you need to do is go to blogger and create one and you can start writing and the best part is its free!

  2. PohPoh says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. It’s very touching , bring tears to my eyes. And yes, I whole-heartedly agree with you.. “Each day is a gift”

  3. Lydia says:

    Hi, I came across your blog and read about your epilepsy experiences while I was researching about Benign Rolandic Epilepsy. My daughter aged 8 has just been diagonosed with it last week. I fully agree with you that it is indeed very terrifying to witness her first seizure myself. We have gone to see a Neurologist and advised to give her Sodium Vaporate to control the seizure. My husband and I are contemplating whether we should give her the medicine as we gathered from our research that they are pro and con to it. Do you have any good doctors that you can recommend for us to seek a second opinion? I truly appreciate your help on this. Take care.

    I will talk to you privately by email. Please look out for my email in case it should land in your junk email folder.

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