I wonder how it is like to be married to a blogger. I don’t really know because I AM the blogger. 😛 However, I suppose there could be plenty of room for lots of misunderstandings like….
- “Oh No! Not that photo! You can’t post that photo online for the world to see!” or
- “Why are you spending so much time online? or
- You’re neglecting your family.” or “
- Your blog is more important to you than me….” or
- “My goodness! How can you post that!”
No, this did not happen to me. I’m just imagining that it can easily happen in lots of blogger/non-blogger relationships. I do notice that there aren’t that many couples blogging. Usually its one or the other.
In my case, well I am married to a non-blogger who not only does not blog, he does not read blogs, including mine. In the early days, I used to be so upset about it. I would email him my entire post to read. 😉 I thought, surely if one cares about the other, they would want to read or know intimately what goes on in the other’s mind? In my writings, you see me, the raw me, that only I can express in writing. I was disappointed he wouldn’t read. Now, I see it as what it is. Him giving me my privacy, freedom and trust to write whatever I deem fit to write about. He does constantly remind me to be careful about what I write but that is about it. Actually if it is the other way around, I would certainly be interested to read every single word he writes! And then I would probably analyse it and worry and analyse some more. Come to think of it, maybe it is a good idea not to read your spouse’s blog after all. 😛
In the early days he used to be unhappy about my blogging. He thought that blogging was a total waste of time and that bloggers are people “who eat free nothing to do.” (This chinese phrase means one is wasting one’s time because one is too free). He could not understand why I would spend so much time on something that he considered a total waste of time. On the other hand, I could not understand why he could not support me in something which I liked to do very much ie. writing. Even if it was a waste of time, it is like a hobby to me. I enjoy it. So why can’t he see that? I argued.
Later on, during the early PPP days (PPP is an acronym for PayPerPost), many bloggers started monetizing their blogs. I decided to join in the fun. I think it was only after that when hubby finally saw the value in blogging. If you can put a $ value to something than perhaps blogging has some value and is not a total waste of time. He did not actually say it but I thought I saw the difference. Maybe I am wrong.
Since I am a blogger married to a non-blogger, I have to work at maintaining a balance. This is how I do it.
1. Hubby is a private person so am I. I think he would
freak out would not like it very much if I posted photos of our life on my blog. That is why this blog has no personal photos and I remain anonymous. I do some self censorship in trying not to post anything too personal. I try to be personal without being personal meaning my posts are actually very personal and close to what I am feeling but at the same time I try to keep a distance and remain impersonal. Sounds confusing? Nevermind, I’m just being impersonal. ;P I spread out my personal posts in all of my blogs so if you read just one blog, you may get to see just parts of my story. I find that many people tend to read just one blog and I like it that way. This way, I can hide myself here and there. 😉
2. I also believe that a person’s private life should be kept separate from their professional life. So whether you are an employee, a boss, a taukeh (entrepreneur) or the spouse of an employee or boss, it won’t do to have your employers or employees reading your blog and knowing so much about your private life. This is another reason why this blog remains anonymous.
3. Lastly, I notice that when my husband is around, he does not like me to be anywhere near the pc, not even to read emails. His face would turn black. 😛 So, I try not to go anywhere near the PC when he is back from work and not at all during the weekends or public holidays or when he is on leave. I admit it is a bit hard if he is on leave for many days. 😉 Just kidding. It is not that hard. Blogging can be addictive and being able to stop yourself from blogging takes self discipline and self control. I *ahem* am proud to say that I have that discipline. I limit my time spent blogging.
With all this in place, I believe we have finally found our balance. Husband no longer complains about my blogging. In fact, he sometimes suggests things for me to blog about and even takes photos for me to post on my blogs. On my part, I no longer complain that he does not care to read my blog (he still doesn’t) but I will always remember his need for privacy and reminders to be careful about what I write. I also remember to put my family first.
Does blogging cause relationship problems? Does facebook cause relationship problems? (Facebook is like a mini blog). I say Yes, but only if you do not know how to manage and control it.
My post visits the relationships between spouses only and not that of a parent/child relationship but I can imagine that those would have its own issues as well, mainly privacy issues. My sister tells me that her son rejected her request to become his facebook friend. 😛
Initially my husband did not quite support the idea of blogging. However, soon he does not mind and also after reading my blog, he found it as a good diary for us on our kids especially when we read back the old posts. So sometimes, he will tell me to remember to note this or that incident in the blog. In fact, now he does remarked that why I am not updating my blog as often. He also sees the value of blogging as I share with him the things I come to learn or know about parenting and kids. For example, like your sharing/experiences on kids in Chinese school etc.
As for FB, he is into it and posts most of our boys photos on his while I am too lazy to do so. We also do not identify each other as our other half in the FB and do not post in each other’s wall. However, of course, if ppl want to find out it is easy through the photos and some conversations between common friends.
So, in short, blog and FB are now part of our topics of conversation.
WMD, you just reminded me, yes apart from the small “peanutary” value (since earning peanuts), I find that my blog is like my personal forum. Lets say I need an alternative cough remedy. All I have to do is write a post to ask, it is better than making a dozen phone calls. Now, my husband would sometimes ask me “Can you ask this/that on your blog?” As for FB, he has an FB account which is rather inactive and I don’t have a personal FB account, only a blogger’s indentity FB account. 😛
Another thing, my personalised google search box on my blogs is actually for me to search my “diary” for details or entries on when a child fell sick or when we did this or that. lol.
Initially my hubby reads my blog. He is very supportive, then I started monetizing my blog and he stopped reading all together. 🙂 But I manage to influence him to have a blog. Nothing too personal on his blog, but maintaining it for the sake that perhaps future it can be another money making tool like mine. 🙂
I am very grateful that he gives me all the trust and freedom. He used to show black face too when I am always in front of the pc or clicking on the phone. Now he seldom, he jumps into the same wagon as me. LOL.
hehe..those clauses that u quoted are all so familiar! but now my hubby stops nagging liao, after so many years of living with a blogger. prob immunned??
In my case, it doesn’t cause much problems because my wife is my number 1 blog fan 🙂
I do agree with you on keeping a certain level of privacy. I don’t write about my work and I don’t reveal where I live (though there are exceptions and I can’t avoid leaving some clues)
LOL. How true. Even though my other half doesn’t read my blog often but whenever he took a peek of it once in a blue moon, sometimes he would say “Oh no! Not that photo!” And I used to be upset that he doesn’t read my blog too but now I’ve gotten used to it. Like you said, maybe it’s a good idea not to let our spouse read our blog. The part where you try to not to go anywhere near your PC is funny. I’m also not a weekend blogger so that’s not a problem for my husband. But what if he’s the one playing fb or games during the weekend? Should I be understanding or show him my black face? LOL.
Show black face. Hahaha. Fortunately hubby is not a fb person. He does play games but I play the same too. Hehe.
facebook is definately a problem with a relationship becasue because there is too much temptation. And it cause jealousy by one partner or both. Of couse Facebook is good for keeping in touch with family but keeping it to jut friends and family is what I call impossible