Archive for the 'About me' Category

What makes an attractive person. To me an attractive person is one who is confident yet humble. That is a potent combination yet not easy to find.

Self image, self esteem, self assurance is the best gift we can give to our children. I hope I can teach my children to have a good image of themselves because I never had it. I’m still working on it.

I remember in college, I had a guy friend who had very poor self image. He was rich. He drove a car and the popular girls were drawn to him because of it ie they made use of him to get around. Yet he had no confidence. He started every sentence with “I’m sorry but……….” Years later I bumped into him. He had married and had two kids. He was working as a car salesperson. Yet, he still looked sorry and sad. I don’t know what made him like this.

If there was a scale of 1 to 10 for self assurance, I would rate this person at a 1 and myself at 6 maybe 7. I used to be around 4-5. I am continuing to work on it. I think blogging helps. It helps to repeat and say positive things to oneself. It also helps to have positive reinforcement and you get a lot of those in blogging. You get interaction and positive reinforcement.

However, there is always too much of a good thing. Too much positive reinforcement, too much of “You’re so good in this or that ……..” can make your head big. Then you start to write all sorts of nonsense thinking that you are so good and that you know so much etc etc etc and you start to impose your ideas on others. That makes you a boor and a snob and that is so unattractive. Modesty is still the best policy.

Like everything else in life, it is not easy to strike a balance but you must have balance in all that you do and you must have balance if you want to become a better person.

If you’re not fortunate enough to be living in a gated and guarded community, or  you don’t live in a condo, then you’ve probably heard of a security patrol team by your local Residents’ Association. These have mushroomed all over our urban residential areas or housing estates in recent years.

In the past, there was never a need for such things and I’ve never heard of them before but now, you can see security patrols  by guards hired by residence patroling the housing areas. A sure sign that crime is on the rise. Many homes now carry stickers that their house is subscribing to a certain security patrol, paying an extra RM30 to RM40 a month if I am not mistaken. My house is one of them.

However, I wonder how everyone feels about this. We feel that we want very much to improve the security in our area and that is why we dutifully pay the subscription fee for extra security surveillance. We feel that since it is a community kind of thing, it will only be successful, if everyone contributes or does their part by subscribing and so we subscribe faithfully even though, its hard for us to even pay up and after paying we don’t even have a receipt.

The excuse is that since the team is manned by volunteers and so… we’re not to have overly high expectations (like getting a receipt?). Oh well…. We do receive quarterly reports about the security in our area and we feel a (perhaps a wrong) sense of security seeing the guards patrolling our area in their motorbikes and cars and having an emergency number to call, just in case.

Yesterday, I met a friend who stays in a “crime zone” (which area isn’t that now). His neighbour’s houses had been broken in (both side and opposite). He does not subscribe to the security surveillance service that is available though. His feeling is. “What is the point anyway?” Besides, “you don’t even know if the security team is in cahorts with the burglars or thieves.” he added.

I wonder what does everyone else feel about such security patrols? Are you paying extra for it? How do you feel about this? Do you think it has reduced crime?

I keep on receiving scary emails about people being hijacked from their cars and houses being broken into. I know some of these emails may not be true but some of them come from people we actually know. I used to feel safer living in a condo but apparently even living in a condo is not safe anymore. The other day, I visited the old condo where I used to live. The maintenance person there told us that they are now stepping up security to have the guards going around floor by floor every hour because of crime. According to the guy some tenants do not like this but they have no choice. The burglars now come from within ie the modus operandi is to rent the premise for a few months, then strike when their neighbours are out.

Almost everyone I know has witness a crime or has had some personal experience. I feel so unsafe. The other day, I happened to be eating at the roadside with my handbag (I normally don’t carry my handbag when I eat at the roadside) and I was very distracted throughout my meal because I have to keep on clutching my handbag close to me and glancing around every few minutes. (I’ve had friends whose had their handphones or bags snatched while they were enjoying their meal, thats why I have this paranoia). Afterall, crime happens partly because of opportunity and we can reduce that opportunity by being more aware of our surroundings and it doesn’t hurt to be extra careful, right? Can you tell me what you have done to reduce the opportunity of crime to your person, car and home?

“He is four years old. Why isn’t he in kindy yet?”

I’ve gotten used to hearing this by now. I still hear it quite often when my 4 year old boy tags along to his sister’s kindy. I hear it from the teachers, the other parents as well as grandparents. They won’t leave us alone. Everytime I meet a new parent, they’d ask this question and look at us as though we’re weird. It annoys me to no end.

The kindy where my girl attends has 

• 1 six year old class, 
• 1  five year old class,
• 2 four year old classes,  
• 1 three year old class and
• the under threes are grouped together and considered the daycare class.

Some of them come to school with bolsters, pillows, pacifiers and are still in diapers. Some of them look like they’ve just learned to walk. Notice that the kindy has more classes for 4 year olds compared to the five and six  year olds. What does that tell you?

It tells me that the entry age for kindy has been brought down significantly. Why? I suppose its because we now live in a competitive world where both parents are working and we simply have no choice and if we don’t send our kids, they will not be learning anything at home and we’re worried they will be left behind. Yada yada yada.

I guess if one really does not have a choice, its ok if you send your child to a playschool to play. But no, the kids are now subjected to at least 3 years of kindy ie K1, K2 and K3. The learning environment is structured with many subjects like Math, English, Malay, Mandarin, Science, Moral, and there is homework and tests. (Previously there was only kindy, then there was K1 and K2, now we have K1, K2 and K3. What next? K4 I suppose.) I think its crazy.

My 4 year old is at home and they think I’m crazy. Some tell me “But you have the luxury of being home to teach him.” No, I don’t have the time to teach him all the time. Sometimes I just let him watch TV but I think thats perfectly fine for a 4 year old. So I’m probably crazy. More crazy then the parents who say “But I’m so worried my kid will not learn anything at his grandparent’s.” I understand those who do not want to leave the kid alone at home with the maid but not wanting to leave the kid in the comfort of home with loving grandparents? Hmmmm….

My girl didn’t attend any playschool, playgroup, Sunday school, nursery or whatever you call it. She stayed at home with me and went to kindy for the first time at 6 years old. And no, she did not turn out to be a social pariah. (As some predicted. Those are not my words.) No, she is not left behind. No she is not miserable in kindy. On the contrary, she is one of the above average students (according to her teacher), she has many friends and she participates in class by asking questions and she loves kindy. Right from the very first day. I didn’t have to deal with any tears.

But I was worried. I was so worried that she’d be left behind. I was worried that she’d not know how to socialise (she was a very shy kid to the extent of hiding under the table when my sis came to visit). She was very clingy too.

My boy is much more clingy than her. He is like a koala bear with super glue. But I shall not worry. I shall not worry the next time I hear “He is four years old. Why isn’t he in kindy yet?” along with the weird glances we receive. I shall be sending him next year at age 5. And thats it! Just leave us alone!

Last weekend we bought plants for our home. I’ve always felt that our home was incomplete without plants. The previous owner had tiled up the entire front porch and cemented the whole backyard. Not wanting to spend too much on renovations, we didn’t change a thing. So that meant that we did not even have a little patch of green. I’ve always imagined that a house should have a small patch of green grass so you can do some gardening.

We’ve moved in for almost 1 1/2 years now but still no greens. Finally we got some plants. Yeah! We didn’t get many but I tried to get as many varieties as I could in the few that we got. So we got little ones, medium ones, leavy ones and flowery ones, green leafed ones and red leafed ones, big leafed ones and small leafed ones. So many varieties in so few plants. Haha. Like Rojak like that.

Still I am pleased with my new mini garden. We bought the kids watering cans so they are naturally pleased too. Hopefully the plants will stay lush and beautiful as it is now and not yellowed and wilted a month later.

I love food. I love trying out new foods. I think how we view food is in a way related to our upbringing a little.

I think my love affair with food began from young. Mum died early so it was just Dad and us. Dad showed his love to me with food. He was a policeman. When he came back home from late night duty, he would bring home special foods for supper for me. I would wait for him to come home eagerly. Sometimes he took me out to places to try new foods.

Later on, as a single working adult, I continued going out to try new foods with my friends. I continued to eat out often with Dad too.

Hubby on the other hand is not adventurous with food. As a single working adult he would often takeaway fast foods and eat those. He would have TV dinners ie eat his takeaway food in front of the TV. (Thats my own definition for TV dinners). When he finds a type of food he likes, he would eat it often, like every other day.  According to him, he has no time to think about food so he just eats what he likes often. This makes it easy for me. Since he has such an easy to please palate, all I need to do is cook his favourite food everyday. Haha.

Earlier on in our relationship, we had a lot of food related arguments because of the way we are so different in our love for food. However, now we have sort of gravitated towards each other in a good food way. He has come to be a little bit more adventurous now and I don’t mind having repeat TV dinners.

What about you? Do you eat to live or do you live to eat?

Birthdays are worth remembering so I’ll record down what we did on the day. I woke up around 4am with an unpleasant dream and couldn’t go back to sleep for 1 1/2 hours. When I finally did, the unpleasant dream continued. Hmm… didn’t like that one bit.

After that I woke up and fixed breakfast for everybody while daddy woke up and did some work around the house. And thats how my birthday and his Father’s Day started. With business as usual.

After breakfast, we decided to take the kids to the movies for the first time. The line was so long like a snake. We hadn’t gone to a cinema in 10 years so we were totally lost. How many tickets to buy? Do the little ones need tickets? What showtimes? Which seats? Where to buy? etc. Hahaha. But we survived it.

Finally we bought the tickets. We only managed to get tickets for the 2.30pm show for seats on the 3rd row from the front. So we went shopping and had lunch first. After the movie we went shopping some more for daddy’s present to mummy. The kids wanted to get me presents too. “Mummy, I want to buy you a present. I want to buy you a pink flower.” my girl said to me. Hmm….so how did I resolve that? “Go and ask your daddy” I said. Hahaha. And so that is how, I got two flowers nicely wrapped and presented to me by the kids and paid by daddy who had not bought me any flowers in years. Only once in all this time that I have known him. And that was the time when he was tring to get to know me. After that no more flowers from the man. Hahaha. “Can I have the flower back after I give it to you?” asked the boy. Hmm…..

Then we went to the cake shop to buy a sinful banana chocolate cake and we went home to fix a broken light in the house, went straight out again for dinner before coming home to continue fixing the lights. By the time we sang the birthday song and ate the cake it was 9.30pm! The kids then presented me with the flowers and a banner that the girl had drawn for me. Hehe. Before that the kids kept on grumbling. “How come mummy’s birthday hasn’t started?” To them a birthday officially starts only and until you sing the birthday song and cut the cake and open the presents.

Before we went to bed, we put the flowers in two vases, one for each of them and they fought over where to put their own vases. (Hey, I thought the flowers were for me!) They wanted to know how long it would stay beautiful. When I told them that it would probably last about a week because flowers need sunlight, water and food (a lesson in Science) they were sad. Hmm… maybe we should have bought artificial flowers. I noticed that the artificial carnations look like the real thing when I was choosing my roses, pink for the girl and yellow for the boy just because those are their favourtite colours.

What a long day. We went out at about 10.30am and only called it a day at 10.00pm skipping the children’s naps. The children were tired but happy (a little hyper and cranky towards the end of the day but still happy) and so was mummy. Only….., daddy didn’t get his Father’s Day massage from the whole family because we were all so busy. He had to work very hard ferrying his family around and paying for meals and fixing the house lights. Poor daddy. “Its ok” he said “Thats what Father’s do.” And thats why the kids and I love him. Oh and he’ll get his massage as he always does, not only on Father’s Day.

Time flies when you’re busy and I’ve been so busy I almost forgot that my birthday is coming soon. Its on the same day as Father’s Day so the man and I had to haggle for treats. “We both want to be pampered on that day. How?” he asks. “We’ll contra or do a setoff then.” I replied. Hey! But come to think of it. Thats not fair because every year my birthday falls around Father’s Day!

Having a birthday in June wasn’t very fun for me when I was in school. It was always right smack in the middle of examinations. I never had the birthday mood then. Another thing about my birthday is once I passed the age of 21, I can never remember which birthday it is I am celebrating. Usually I have to take my year of birth and count forward. Hahaha.

Its no different this year. My year of birth is 1966. *calculate calculate calculate* Walaueh! Thats ancient man. But the funny thing is the older I get the younger I feel. Accept for the body of course. The mind can play games but the body cannot lie. It shows its age and the mechanism slows down too. All sorts of health problems will start to crop up. Thats when the years of not taking care of oneself really starts to show.

Speaking of which, I better go and oil the machinery now by doing some exercises. I just bought some new exercise tapes to motivate myself. So off I go!

I surrender. I never thought I would say this but “I can’t wait for the maid to arrive.” Haha. Actually, I detest the idea of having a maid. I like taking care of my house myself. I enjoy my privacy. I don’t have another person to worry about nor face some of the challenges that those with a maid have to face. I think that if my mum who had 5 kids and no modern amenities can do it then why can’t I?

However, after a week of wiping poo off toilet floors, and vomit from dining floors and handwashing soiled clothing etc etc etc, I give up. I can’t wait for the maid to arrive to assist me with some of the boring household chores so I can concentrate on what matters, my husband and kids and not forgetting myself and my blog too. I wish to spend more quality time with hubby and kids and have more time to myself too.

One day when big sis called to ask how I was right after I had finished spraying detergent on the toilet floors where I had wiped off poo, finished handwashing clothes and dealt with 3 screaming kids (having fun) and 1 which vomitted from too much fun plus the same strain of cough as mine, I laughed and laughed so hard over the phone.

Dad did not make it to the toilet twice to poo this week. But the good thing is he finally agreed to take a bath after those accidents. “I am afraid to take a bath” he tells me. “What is it you are afraid off?” I ask him. “Is it the sound of the water? Is it the cold?” “Its the cold” he says. “You don’t know what its like” he continues. “It leaves me uncomfortable the whole day afterwards, cold all over the body and up to the head.” he says. He agreed to bathe then but changed his mind. I persisted and he agreed at last. I sat outside the bathroom door waiting for him. He took a long time but after he came out he looked relieved and happy and said “That was shiok. I even poured water over my head.” I touched his head and it was wet because sometimes he lies about having had a bath. I guess this bathing thing must be a phobia for him for him to resist it so much. Well that was that till another few weeks again.

He was slow and he was lost. Its sad to see a person lose their ability to do simple tasks. Buttoning his shirts, putting on his trousers, removing his socks requires hard concentration for him. Sometimes he forgets what he should do next. I don’t think he knows what time of the day it is. am or pm? Eat and Sleep is the easiest thing to do.

Dad is back at second sister’s house now and I am glad to have my routine back now that the school holidays is over but that darned cough is still around.

While dad was here, big sis came over a few times. Seeing her must have brought back memories of the time when I had a fit to my girl (she saw more of my sis then) because she spoke to me about it again. “I still don’t understand what is this epilepsy thing.” she said suddenly when we were getting ready to nap. I explained to her again and she told me the story of what happened again. “Did you know that baby and I thought you were a monster and we ran behind the door to hide?” I laughed and explained to her again about epilepsy and seizures in as simple terms as I could. Big big words for a 6 year old but its always better to be open to the kids. I assured her that mummy has not had a seizure for one year now because of medication plus adequate rest and exercise then I asked her “Do you still think I am a monster?” “Yes.” she said. “You always shout at us!” Hahaha. “Well, I won’t shout at you if you promise to be a good girl and good boy.” Oops! I really must control my shouting. Lol.

Its the school holidays and dad is staying with me for a week while sis goes on a holiday with her family. Dad has stroke related dementia. I think his condition has gotten slightly worse. Previously we had trouble getting him to take a bath. Now he won’t even change out of his clothes.

We had taken him out to dinner on Sunday night for an early Father’s Day treat because its hard to get everyone together at the same time. After dinner, he came home with me. He slept in the same clothes he went out for dinner with. He wouldn’t change into his sarong even though I held the sarong out to him and persuaded him at least 3 times.

By Monday night, he was still in the same clothes. He also hadn’t removed his socks. “Pa, you need to change your shirt. Why don’t you wear this T-shirt which is more comfortable.” He shook his head stubbornly.

“Well, at least remove your socks Pa. You’ve been wearing it the whole day.” He shook his head again and said “I’ll wash it when I get home.” (to sister’s place) “You can’t do that because you’re going back only in a week’s time. I’m washing clothes tomorrow, Pa. Please change your shirt. Wear this T-shirt. Its more comfortable.” I persisted.

“No, I like this shirt.” he said. “Well, I like this shirt too. I bought it for you. Let me wash it first, then you can wear it again tomorrow if you like. You can’t be so unhygienic. You’ve got to change your clothes, Pa.” Now his expression turned defiant and he said “Don’t force me to change clothes.”

I let out a big sigh and walked away. What to do? I don’t know. He has not had a bath for 2 weeks now. Sister sms to inform us before we met for dinner. I had hoped to get him to take a bath while he is staying with me but I couldn’t even get him to change his clothes or remove his socks.

Its Wednesday now. He is still wearing the same shirt but at least he changed into his sarong after our conversation about the socks and shirt. I noticed he has removed his socks too yesterday. He wouldn’t take a bath but he would use a tissue to wipe his face and neck. He does this all day. Wiping with the tissue and rolling them into big perfect tissue balls made of tissues stuffed in more tissues. Sometimes he doesn’t wipe. He just rolls the tissue balls. I saw four maybe five balls in the bin yesterday. When I saw him doing this in the morning, I hurriedly went to get a warm towel for him to wipe his face. At least he didn’t reject that.

I’ve taken him to the bathroom before, brought his towel and turned on the shower only to have him tell me “You show me also no use. I won’t bathe.” Then I tried to get a pail of warm water and a towel and put it in his room for him and told him to wipe himself with that. He did not touch it.

Its very hard for us to manage him. He is our dad. We need to be firm with him but at the same time we can’t belittle him and treat him like a child. But what to do when he won’t take a bath for weeks? We have tried talking to him or tying the bath with occassions so far the occassions thing seem to work. “You have to bathe because we’re going out to…..”

I wish I knew a little bit more about how to handle patients with dementia. I wonder what goes on his mind. I wonder what he is thinking. I wonder what he is feeling.

Most of the time he is still alert enough to play with the kids and watch out for them. At other times he looks completely lost. He struggles with handling gadgets, not only gadgets but things like buttons, snaps, straps. Things that most of us take for granted like removing our shirt buttons or wearing our shoes can be difficult for him which is probably why he resists it I guess. And sometimes he does not know what to do next. “Eat/Sleep now is it?” he would ask.

He has good days and bad. On the good days, he will be like his old self again but then he will go into high gear wanting to do everything that he used to do. He would take a bath then and even wash the toilet! Go to the bank, the laundrette, and all the old places he used to go. Call big sister or my aunts up in the early morning or in the middle of the night to chat. It would be as if the months that passed in between did not happen for him. Once on a good day, he went to the laundrette to collect some clothes he had left there for washing 3 months ago on another good day. On those days it will be as if his brain is working overtime making up for lost time. He may not sleep for up to 24 hours scaring us and then after that he will sleep for the entire day and be back to his new quiet self. 

I feel as if I’ve lost half my dad after his stroke a few years ago which left him with dementia.

I’ve been too busy this school holidays to blog. I’ve been sick. First with some infection then now with a cold. Its so draggy this cold. The kids want to do every craft and lesson with mum during the holidays so I’ve been busy with that too because I promised them. We’ve made castles on a card, bracelets, rings, paper fans etc. Normally I would take pics of them and post them on my parenting blog but I just don’t have the energy or time to do that now. And then theres dad to watch too.

As usual my housework is down on my list of priorities so the house is covered with dust. I really must do something about that before I discover another rat. Blogging has also been pushed down to the end of my list. Oh well, there are other things that matter but I do miss visiting my friends in blogosphere. And then theres my exercises. I MUST do them for health’s sake not for beauty but I have lagged using my cold as an excuse. I WISH I HAD MORE TIME,  MORE HOURS IN A DAY! Fortunately I have an understanding husband who closes one or perhaps both eyes to the dust and helps me by packing food home for dinner more often. Poor dear. I’ll get on top of it soon. I’ll try my best.

Oh gosh this post is getting long and draggy like my cold. I’m just going on and on and on. It must be blog withdrawal syndrome. I should stop here.

The other day I saw a man dropping his daughter off at kindy. He drove near the kindy. He couldn’t get right up to the front gate because there was another car ahead of him. The girl who was sitting at the back opened the car door herself and walked a short way to the gate on her own. She is my daughter’s classmate.

So far I have not seen any other parents do this. Most of them get down, open the door for the kid and walk the kid to the gate. I do this too. I do this out of my own fear because of a few near misses when it comes to car doors.

As a result, I do not allow the kids to open the car doors on their own. The car doors have child locks on and I open the door for them to enter and exit the car. Let me talk about the near misses.

1. My sis was on the driver’s seat of her MPV and she had swung the automatic back doors to close. It almost closed on my girl’s hands had I not jumped in on time to pull her away.

2. I was quarrelling with hubby over some dunno what small matter and I was still arguing while we were unloading our boot of groceries and then I slammed the boot door onto my girl’s fingers. I slammed really hard. We had to unlock the boot door because her fingers were trapped. Fortunately her fingers were caught in between a gap! My heart stopped that moment. I don’t remember what we were arguing about now but I will never forget that heart stopping moment. Thats why they say when in a fight, stop and think. Is this really important 5 years from now? If its not, forget it. Obviously its not because I can’t even remember what we were fighting about now but it almost caused my girl her fingers.

3. My boy had put his fingers in the space in between the door hinge and my husband almost closed the car door without realising it.

Coming back to car doors. As a result, I do not allow the kids to open or close the doors on their own. I am afraid that they may accidentally close the doors on their own or each other’s fingers.

I wonder at which age will it be safe to allow kids to handle car doors on their own? I wonder am I being over protective over my kids sometimes, raising molly coddled kids. I wonder is the man whose daughter got out so confidently and walked on her own to the kindy gates raising an independant child or is he being foolhardy?