I have almost forgotten it and that is a good thing. I forgot it last Friday, on 1st April. I only remembered it later on during the day.
Yes, it is four years ago now since that awful April Fool’s Day. The day when I had 3 seizures in a day. It still spooks me to think about it and it spooks me even more not to be able to remember much about it. I just remember wearing a yellow towel about to have a shower. I bend down to switch on the little red radio that daddy gave to me when I was 15. That was in the morning or afternoon I am not sure. The next thing I knew, it was night and I was getting into a car, then I remember the medical officer at the hospital asking me some questions. Horribly spooky. As if abducted by aliens or a walking zombie or something like that. Horrible to lose one’s memory even if only for a day. I can’t imagine how dad with dementia must be feeling.
Husband, sisters and children filled me in with the rest of the lost memory of that day. Husband said, I let out a loud scream, then children said I walked backwards and fell on the floor right in front of where they were playing. (They were only 3 and 5 then. How scarry it must have been to see mummy in a seizure. Sigh.) Thats where I had the first fit. Then husband said he went out jogging and I called him to come home. (but I don’t remember calling him) He said I told him that my girl said it had happened again. 2nd fit. I had another one later on in the day and a decision was made to send me to hospital.
Sisters came and they said I was able to pack my clothes myself. I even spoke to them but my voice sounded strange, sort of squeaky like. I can’t remember any of it. Oh the horrible memory of it or perhaps it should be the non-memory of it. I am all right now. At one time I was so scared to remember, I even gave away that precious little red radio that dad gave me at age 15.
What I am not ok about is my girl inheriting her mummy’s bad genes. I was diagnosed with epilepsy at 41 but 2 years ago my girl was diagnosed with epilepsy at age 7. I did not have this in childhood, teenhood, young adulthood. So I went about life with no restrictions. I swam, went snorkelling from a boat in the deep sea, went hiking, went drinking, drove home alone at 4am, stayed over at girlfriend’s houses, etc etc. I did all those things without fear or restrictions at different stages of my life. My poor girl is only 9. We are afraid for her. It saddens me terribly. I hope that she will outgrow this eventually. Having a seizure is not so bad because you don’t remember it unless you hurt yourself in the process. However, watching a loved one have a seizure is terrifying. You feel so helpless and sad. The memory of watching my girl have her first full blown seizure is something I don’t want to remember but I remember it clearly.
I have only had about 5 seizures in all including the 3 on that horrible day and my girl probably about the same number so we do not have it so bad. There are some who have to go through life with daily seizures. I can’t imagine how life must be like. That is why my msn status reads “Each day is a gift” but sometimes I forget that.