Archive for the 'Health' Category

Last night I had a bad dream. I dreamt that I had colored pages and pages into a coloring book but had no recollection of doing it. I dreamed that I had colored my bears purples and pinks etc. Everything was colored badly. There were no shades or different colors for each object. Everything was colored in one color.

I told my bros and sis, thats not me. I would color everything nicely, not ugly in one color like this and I don’t remember doing it. Look. I told them theres so many pages of it too. I don’t remember coloring any of them. I must have had a seizure without knowing it, I told them. Perhaps I had a seizure and I was doing this repetitive task and now I can’t remember a thing.

I guess that my subconcious fear has not gone away. I still fear my seizures. I fear the feeling of having a seizure and not remembering it afterwards. I had one day erased from my memory on that day when I had 3 seizures in a day and it was scary. My sister told me that I didn’t sound like myself, that I sounded sort of whiny when I spoke to her after recovering from my seizure. Its strange to not remember. Feels as if I had been a walking zombie or something. I do not remember anything that I said to my husband or children. He said that the second time it happened that day, I had called him and told him that my girl had informed me that I just had another fit. I don’t remember any of it. I worry what the kids felt, being alone with me when it happened. It was on the 1st of April. What a stupid April Day’s joke I had played on myself, I thought. OMG, I’m going to stop this train of thoughts right now.

Last night I read a bedtime story to the kids. There was a line in it which said “Nurse Elephant tells her patients that it is no use feeling sorry for themselves. There’s always someone who’s worse off than they are.” I’ve only had a few seizures and they seem under control now with medication. Only a few seizures and I’m scared shitless. My doctor tells me that he has many patients, some of them who have several seizures daily. Some, once a week. My once a year or two pale in comparison to what these other people are going through. I wonder how they lead their lives but I guess they just go on. There is no choice. You just go on, just like everybody else.

I bought The Family Herbal Cookbook by Cecilia Tan and so I decided to step into a Traditional Chinese Medicine Shop to buy some herbs and try out some recipes. I hate entering a shop when I am ignorant about the product that I am going to buy. Its easier to cheat an ignorant person. Afterall, herbs can sometimes be very expensive and how do I know if they are the real thing or fake? So I enter the shop with caution.

And, I AM ignorant. I can’t differentiate between the different herbs. To me, they all look the same. They look like wrinkled old dried up twigs (which they sometimes are) or twisty, ugly, wormy looking thingys. I feel very self-concious at the shop because it is obvious that I do not know my herbs.

I did not grow up in an environment where going to herbal shops comes naturally to me. My mum died at 10 and thats when all things herbal died too for me. So I can’t remember much except for when I was 17 and living with my aunt. I vaguely recall her making a herbal concoction for me by using a double boiler over a charcoal flame on several occassions. That was the extend of my knowledge.

Language is a barrier for me too. I speak limited Cantonese, no Mandarin and my hokkien is half past six (meaning, its lousy). Fortunately for me there are recipe books that comes with complete color photos of the various herbs plus a detailed description of what they are for and there are traditional chinese medicine shops in shopping complexes now. These shops look like they are being run by the second generation English speaking kids who have taken over the running of the business from their parents. Phew! Thats a great relief for me, not having to struggle with my words and have no one understand what I want.

Even then, I embarass myself by not being able to distinguish the herbs and not knowing the prices. When I told the guy at the counter that I wanted 30g of a certain herb, I almost fainted when he told me the price. Lol!

Well, knowledge can be attained, so I shall not let a small thing like that hinder me. I shall continue to study my herbs by reading my recipe book from front to back cover. Don’t laugh. Some of the recipe books are interesting reads as they explain what a certain dish is for and why you mix the ingredients in that manner. So yes, I read my recipe books from front to back before I decide what to try out.

Another thing about Chinese herbs, when I was pregnant, I consulted my gynae about whether I should take things like bah kut teh for example and she told me that its ok to take herbs that you can see in actual physical form but not those that are in powder form because you don’t know whats in them. I think thats sound advice so I’ve followed that from then on. I like to know what I’m ingesting so even if I go to a Chinese Medicinal Hall, I normally won’t tell them to “Chap” (pack) some herbs for me for a given purpose. I prefer to tell them what I want. For that same reason, I don’t usually buy those ready packed ones even though those are much easier to buy and a lot less intimidating then going to a Traditional Chinese Medicine shop.

I haven’t much time to blog these days but hopefully, I can steal some free time here and there to read my recipe book instead.

And so I finally got my CT Scan done. They did two. One normal and in the second they injected some coloured liquid into me so that can see better. The doctor in attendance poked me 3 times to find the right place to inject the fluid. 3 times! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! So painful! Cost around RM650. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! This time sakit hati pulak. Sakit tangan, sakit kepala and sakit hati.

“You punya salur semua kecik kecik” she said. Not her fault for poking me 3 times. Happens all the time, each time I go for a blood test or whatever that requires the needle. Always kena poke many many times before they get it right. I must have really small veins. Can’t say the same of myself though.

One month is up and I haven’t lost anything yet in my lose 5 pounds in 5 months project. Haiyah! Such poor self control I have.

I have been having chronic headaches. I get these headaches everytime I wake up from sleep whether its nighttime sleep or an afternoon nap. The headaches don’t feel painful but rather my head feels very heavy, a bit like hangover headaches I think. Its not much fun to feel this way almost daily.

I have a CT Scan scheduled to make sure there is nothing wrong with my head. And so I sit here and face my greatest fear as a mother again. Its just a routine test (I’ve done it before) but I’m still kiasi. Yes, I am really kiasi one. I was never this way till I became a mother. I think all parents have this kiasi feelling. It is a feeling that comes out of love for our children. Whether they are still little like mine or they are all grown up we always want to be around for them to look after them and make sure they are alright.

On the bright side, I think I’ve started to spot now. Phew! My period was late and I was really worried about getting pregnant (now that I’m on medications) even though we both long for another child.

I’m still not in a very good mood today plus I had a tiff with the hubby over some issues. I was very mad at him for saying some rather hurtful things and he was mad at me too but I’m not mad anymore. Somehow I can’t stay mad at him for long …..

How should I cheer myself up? I think I will go and write some money paying posts, then play some color mixing with the kids then go watch the King and I and sing and dance with the kids. Yes, thats what I’ll do. 

We had dad over for the weekend since sister was away cave exploring with her family. We took dad makan-makan and jalan-jalan. I hope he enjoyed himself even though he was quiet most of the time.

We took dad to the pasar malam, to the shopping mall, to the park, for a late evening drive around town to watch the night lights. We took the SMART tunnel and the kids were really excited about that. We could see KLCC from afar and we drove till it loomed big and majestic right before our very eyes. We got down in the slight drizzle and oohed and ahhed like suaku tourists. We oohhed and ahhed too at all the colourful night city lights.

We took dad to eat pasar malam food for dinner, otak otak for lunch and emperor taufu for dinner and beef noodle soup for breakfast and A&W for tea. Although the food wasn’t exactly healthy but it was still nice to see him tuck in. At least his appetite is still good.

We borrowed a kungfu movie which he liked and watched it with him. He fell asleep halfway through but got up to see the ending, so at least he saw the beggining and the end.

Dad was quiet mostly but at least he talked and played with the kids a bit. Kids are great therapy for the elderly. Its nice for the elderly person to have the inhibited hugs from the little ones who were all over him.

Dad’s hygiene isn’t what it used to be. Its hard to get him to bathe, brush his teeth, trim his nails, cut his hair or even to change his clothes. I suspect its because he doesn’t know how to or it simply takes too much effort for him to figure out what to do next. He tells us “I don’t know what to do next when I get up each morning. I just want to go back to sleep.”

Because he is dad, its hard for me to help him change so I just prepare fresh clothes for him and remove the worn ones. He had worn his shirt to sleep and as I stood there with the fresh one and suggested that he change his shirt, I feel a great sadness in my heart as he fumbles with the buttons and say “I am very clumsy.” He had gotten his buttons on upside down and I tell him to take his time and say that he will feel much more comfortable in a new shirt. I couldn’t get him to bathe but I prepared a warm towel for him to wipe his face and neck with.

He doesn’t know how to change to go out unless he sees everyone nearly out the door so its no good telling him before hand to get dressed. I wait till we are all in our shoes then tell him that we are going out and its time to get change. This makes it a lot simpler for him.

Sister had prepared two medicine boxes for him, one for daytime and another for night. I take out his medicine box and points to the correct day and he looks at me uncertainly for confirmation when he takes it out to make sure that he has eaten them. I can sense his lack of confidence.

I am experiencing what many have experienced and some may experience as they grow older. I have become a parent to my parent. It is hard, emotionally and stressful for everyone. It is sad to know that the parent you have looked up to all your life is suddenly like a child now who depends on you to tell him what to do next.

Sometimes I source the internet to read up about how to take care of the elderly or handle a parent who has dementia and I came across this really good article about this role reversal process. Here is the link to that article : Becoming ‘parent of your parent’, an emotional wrenching process. Perhaps others who have to go through this too will find it a good read too. One thing mentioned in the article which I find very true is this….

Being the “parent of your parent” can unlock your family’s hidden dysfunctions — Every rivalry you had with your brothers and sisters, every argument you had with your parents, every effort you ever made to become independent can be put to the test once your parents become old and sick.

You find yourself arguing with your siblings, arguing with your spouse, arguing with your parents, arguing with yourself.

Yes, it does strain the family. What do people argue about? Expenses and time spent of course. The greatest of all evils which is “Money” and the most important and hardest to get resource of all which is “Time”.

As a parent now myself, I know that this is my second greatest fear. (The first is kiasiness - fear of dying and leaving my kids while they still need me). The second is fear that someday my kids will have to look after me and it will cause them the same stress that we siblings face now. I certainly don’t want my kids to fight about who is looking after me less or more or who is spending less or more money on me etc.

Ooh… I sound dreary today. Must be the middle of the week or the fact that my period is late and I’ve been having headaches upon waking daily. I’ve got to report both to my doctor and hope these headaches are nothing sinister.

Related posts:

Losing Dad to Dementia

Someday our parents will grow old

 

We had a long weekend due to an extra day off on Monday for the Hari Raya. So what do you do on long weekends and holidays? Why you eat, eat, eat and eat thats what! Chey!

There goes my resolve to lose 5 pounds in 5 months. After 2 weeks of trying really hard to eat less whilst maintaining my exercise routine and watching the weighing machine stay at the same weight each time I step on it, the weights have moved at last. In the other direction after only 3 days of eating out!

Sigh! Must be really getting old. Metabolism rate is really slow. Eat like a pauper for 2 weeks then eat like an emperor for 3 days and this is what happens! Must start all over again now. Nevermind, I shall not give up, nor shall I be disheartened. The holiday is over and so is the weight gain…… I hope!

I wonder how the others are doing. How are you all doing? Rachel, Anucia, Firehorse, Chinee and Leah? Any good news to report?

I love to dance. Its very energising and really gets the sweat out but whats more, its fun! So much fun that I do not realise that I have been sweating it out and getting the heart rate up. Its a very good aerobics exercise.

I have been dancing through the years. When I was younger, I would go to the discos (does anyone ever go to a disco these days?). Anyway, I digress. As I was saying I used to go to the discos in groups with friends and we would have great fun dancing and sweating it out on the dance floor.

After I outgrew that I took to ballroom dance ie I took up ballroom dancing classes. We used to be amused at this guy in class who couldn’t start the dance with just the music. He would always say “Wait wait! Pom Pom Pom. Pom Pom Pom. 123…” That cracked us up so much. Me and my friends enjoyed the classes so much we would often get together to practise.

Now, I have young kids and not much time but I still dance. Whenever I get bored with my exercise videos, I would take out my dance videos to generate some sweat. This way not only do I get to learn to dance, I get some quick aerobics exercise or workouts as well.

The other day I got a call from the gynae’s office reminding me to go for my pap smear. Bleargh! I complain but I really should get round to it soon for my own good. And my girl looks like she needs a visit to the dentist soon. Her new front teeth has come in and the old one refuses to drop off so she’s got two rows of teetch. Hmm….

And of course, my routine doctor’s visit is due too. I remember how I agonised over it. I’m calmer now but I still don’t look forward to it. My doctor’s visit is the only time I get to “pak tor” with hubby as we send the kids to a relative so they don’t have to endure the boring wait but most importantly we don’t want them to overhear some of the discussion and become scared and worried about something they do not understand. Otherwise we usually take them with us everywhere we go.

I’ll try not to be so anxious over this doctor’s visit because I remember my over anxiousness turned my “pak tor” session into a disaster the last time. Hubby was just as anxious as me. Its a long story but the gist of it is I forgot something important about the medication and from holding hands (which is rare and strange these days because the kids are always around) to the doctor’s office, we left there with me crying sorry tears for myself and telling him that he shouldn’t nag me and he wasn’t the one who was sick to him telling me that being sick does not mean you are king.

A stranger reading this may think hubby is mean for telling me that but he is not. Its just that the previous appointment was so hyped up by our over anxiousness and because we are so different in nature. Hubby is the type who is very diligent, practical, efficient must do everything on the spot kinda guy whereas I’m the no-brainer in the family, always dreamy, emotional and impulsive. Our differences make it difficult for us to understand each other sometimes. Sometimes I think he’s the sweetest, bestest hubby in the world but sometimes I get so mad at him. Reminds me of the saying “Sometimes you’re the bug, sometimes you’re the windshield.”

I hope to get these appointments over with and out of the way so that I don’t have them hanging over my head.

Firehorse reminded me that I should not only aim to lose weight but I should do some strength training to avoid having lose flabs and a haggard look….. which brings me to the subject of exercise.

Everyone knows that exercise is good for you and the normal standard you should try to achieve is 3 times a week for at least 20 minutes each.

My exercise regime has been an on-off kind of thing. When I was younger (meaning single and have lots more time then now), I attended some aerobics classes after work. That was fun but it was hard keeping up with some of the ladies! Sometimes I went jogging in the park after work with colleagues. I don’t play a lot of games. After the children came and it was harder to leave the house to go to the gym, I did some biking …. in front of the tv where I placed my exercise bike.

In recent years, I have been rather sedentary. However due to the state of my health now I am exercising a bit more diligently. These days, I exercise about 3-4 times a week for 20-30 minutes each time. I usually do aerobics type of exercise followed by 10 minutes of stretching. I do this using exercise video tapes or dvds. Sometimes when I’m bored, I do some salsasize (salsa dancing) instead to make it more fun and less routine. I do them at home.

It is not easy to find the time to exercise though and sometimes I feel pressured to make time for it. Can you imagine that? Exercise is supposed to be relaxing, release endorphines etc but I feel pressured!

What about the rest of you? How do you exercise and how often do you do it?

I’m currently off 20 pounds from my peak weight. Some of them came off naturally after childbirth but it took a looooong time. I was still wearing my maternity clothes way after my children were born.

People told me that breastfeeding will make me lose weight but that was not the case for me. For the record, I did not breastfeed to lose weight. Haha. Anyway, breastfeeding made me gain weight. I was so hungry I ate all the time. I ate more than I usually did and this became a bad habit. I ate without feeling guilty because I had good excuse to eat. Breastfeeding!

To cut a long story short, when I finally decided to lose weight, I lost it by…

• cutting down on my rice
• eating less of everything
• eating from a smaller plate
• making a concious decision about what I eat during meals
• eating more meals in a day but in less portions
• drinking water instead of other drinks

Everytime I ate, I stopped to think twice about what I eat and I would select the less fattening. I would stop before I felt too full, meaning I stopped overeating. Its so easy to overeat by enjoying all the foods you love but afterwards you feel bloated and uncomfortable so why do it. I made a concious decision to stop even though I felt like having some more.

Doing this made me hungry sometimes, but whenever I felt my stomach rumbling, I would snack on something small to ease that hunger so that I won’t overeat at the next meal.

After a while, when people started noticing the weight loss, it became easier and easier to lose because that itself was a motivation. But I became lazy…. and stuck.

So now begins my new weight loss journey again so that I will have nicer looking arms, reduce the thunder thighs and have a smaller tummy (It will always be there but at least I hope to reduce the tummy size! I’ve always had a tummy even when I was thin. *grumble grumble*)

I exercise 3-4 times a week for 20-30 minutes for health reasons but to me, its the reduction in food that does it. However exercise helps in the sense that you must think about input and output. If your food input is higher than your energy output, then naturally that equals FAT! So if you lead a sedentary lifestyle, you have to make sure you eat less and move around more. Its simple common sense.

There is no need to count calories or go on some special diet and there is no need to deprive yourself. Go ahead and treat yourself sometimes but in smaller portions.

I hope these tips helps…

• Rachel
• Anucia
• Firehorse

Another tip for the ladies I linked above. As a start, you’ve got to go and try out all your pretty old clothes in your cupboard that no longer fit, go shopping for clothes that are too small for you and ogle at models. Then each time you reach for the food, you will think of that and this post and stop yourself. Hahaha! 

So, who else is joining me?

• Chinee
• Leah