Archive for the 'Maid' Category

In order to renew your work maid’s work permit, you will have to go through the following steps but not necessarily all of them. I have provided links to my posts about each step in more detail.

Note: I am referring to Indonesian maid only for my post.

1. Renew your maid’s passport. You will need to do this only if the passport expiry date is not enough to cover the work permit extension date. For example, my maid’s passport expires in May 2011. Her work permit is till July 2010. Extending the work permit till July 2011 will mean that her passport expiry date is not enough to cover the work permit period. As a result, I have to renew her passport. Take note that when you renew the passport, it is for a period of 3 years and the date begins from the date you renewed the passport, not the date of expiry eg. in our case, the 3 years does not begin from May 2011, it starts from April 2010 ie the date of renewal.

How I renewed my maid’s passport at the Indonesian Embassy.

2. Register your maid with FOMEMA for health screening. This is mandatory for the first 3 years. If you are renewing work permit for year 3 going forward to year 4 onwards, it is not compulsory but you can still do it if you want to.

Renewing maid’s work permit - Step 1: FOMEMA

3. Take your maid for a medical check-up at a clinic of your choice. You choose the clinic at the  point of registering with FOMEMA. 10 working days after you have done the medical check-up, you can check your maid’s medical results online or call FOMEMA.

Renewing maid’s work permit - Step 2: Health Screening

4. Renew your maid’s work permit at the Immigration Department.

Renewing maid’s work permit - Final Step: Immigration

That is all there is to it.

This final step of renewing your maid’s work permit at the Immigration is almost too simple to blog about.

This is the Immigration Department of Malaysia’s Official Website.

Where?

The headquarters of the Department of Immigration, Malaysia (Ministry of Home Affairs) is in Putrajaya. You can renew  your maid’s work permit at any State Immigration Office. We did ours at the Wilayah Persekutuan of KL State Immigration Office at this address:

Jabatan Imigresen Wilayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur
Aras 3, Blok I
Pusat Bandar Damansara
50550 Kuala Lumpur

Telefon: 20905632

How much?

The levy is RM445 to extend the maid’s work permit for a period of one (1) year.

Take note that as of time of writing, if you are renewing your maid’s work permit in Putrajaya, you will need to pay by bank draft, postal order or money order payable to Ketua Pengarah Imigresen Malaysia, if I am not mistaken. (You should always check the payee name by calling up the Imigration Department). However, the state Immigration Department of Wilayah Persekutuan KL accepts cash so I paid in cash. It’s easier for me. I don’t know about other states.

What to bring?

You will have to bring along with you, your maid’s new passport (if you have one), bring along your your maid’s old passport too together with the levy amount.

After checking that our maid  has passed her medical screening tests online at FOMEMA, we headed to the Immigration office. All it took was 15 minutes on a weekday morning, first thing in the morning and we’re done.

Next, a summary of all the steps required to renew your maid’s work permit yourself.

I did not blog at all during the school holidays so this part of my post has been delayed even though I have completed the whole process and renewed my maid’s work permit for another year.

This post is continued from the post Renewing Maid’s Work Permit - Step 1 FOMEMA

This step is really easy. After you have registered your maid for the mandatory health screening at FOMEMA, the next thing you have to do is take your maid to the clinic for a health screening.  There is nothing to this. It is just taking your maid to the clinic you have selected on the FOMEMA form for a medical check-up.

Previously, even though we paid our agent to handle the work permit renewal process, they still required us to do this ourselves. So there is no difference. Or shall I say, there is a big difference. We saved a lot of money doing it ourselves.

Do note that we selected a clinic with an X-Ray facility so that we did not have to do twice the work of running around. Everything can be done at one place.  You cannot select the X-ray center as each clinic has a preassgined X-ray center but you can certainly choose a clinic with X-ray facilities.

We merely gave the clinic the forms given to us by FOMEMA, and they did the rest. No payment is required here since we have paid for this when we registered at FOMEMA. It took us less than an hour to finish the blood and urine tests and X-ray. It could have been less if the clinic had less people but we went on a weekend morning. You can go during a weekday morning to save time.

Finally, 10 working days after the doctor examination, we were able to check our maid’s health status at FOMEMA-Result Online.

Now that I have renewed my maid’s passport, the next step would be to renew her work permit for a period of one year. Maids who are seeking renewed employment from year 2 going on to year 3 still requires mandatory health screening by Fomema. Subsequently, if your maid continues to work for you from years 3 going to year 4 onwards, it is not mandatory.

My agent has asked me to pass my maid’s old and new passport to them to renew the work permit. They will charge me RM895 for this service. However, I have decided to do it on my own to save more $$$$…. about RM260 actually. I had saved about RM332 by doing the passport renewal myself. I also did not take up the insurance RM97 for one year that is offered by the agent though I do not consider that as savings since it is an insurance after all.

If I ask my agent to renew my maid’s work permit, this will be the process.

1. Hand old and new passport to agent
2. Agent calls me to bring maid to clinic for medical check-up and to x-ray facility to do x-ray (Note: this part still has to be handled by me)
3. Agent calls me to collect the passport and work permit
4. Cost = RM895

By doing it myself, this is what I have to do…

1. Register my maid with Fomema to do health screening
2. Bring maid to clinic for medical check-up and x-ray facility to do x-ray
3. Go to immigration department to do work permit
4. Cost = RM190 (to Fomema to register for health screening) + RM445 (to Immigration dept for work permit for one year) = RM635 in total

First Step: Register maid at Fomema to do mandatory health screening.

1. I go online to the Fomema website to download the foreign worker registration form
2. I go to the post office to buy a postal order. Please take note that Fomema does not accept cheques, not even cash. You are required to pay by postal order, money order or bank draft ONLY.
3. I photostat the first page of my maid’s new passport
4. I fill up all the information on the form accept the doctor of my choice. However, I take down the doctor codes for the clinic I have selected. I select 2 or 3 and take down their codes just in case. I try to make sure that the clinic doing the tests also has an x-ray facility so I don’t have to run around twice to two separate places.
5. My husband goes to the Fomema office during his lunch hour with the completed form, the postal order for RM190 and the original passport (for verification) and photocopy of first page of the passport. He asks if the clinic we selected is available (some have met the quota so they are no longer available at the time). He fills in the doctor codes and details for the clinic we selected that is confirmed available.
6. Waiting time during lunch hour on a weekday was 15 minutes. Voila! We’re done.
7. Fomema gives us a set of forms to be given to the clinic and x-ray facility (which in our case are the same place). The validity of the form is 90 days. There are 4 copies of the same form. 1 for the employer (white), 1 for the doctor (green), 1 for the x-ray facility (yellow) and 1 for the lab (pink). If you are not sure what to do with the forms, just present it to the clinic when you bring your maid for the check-up, they’ll know what to do with them.

Our next step is to bring the maid to the clinic for a medical check-up and x-ray. We’ll probably do that later this month.

Next: Renewing Maid’s Work permit - Step 2 Health Screening

I had read about people going as early as 4am to 5am to queue up! I certainly wasn’t going to do that. Besides, we had to send our kids to school.

So, one morning after sending the kids to school, my husband, my maid and I went to the Indonesian Embassy at 9am in the morning. We brought the maid’s old passport and nothing else. We parked at the carpark right beside it. As we were walking towards the Embassy gates, some touts called out to us shouting out something about photostating documents. We ignored them and walked straight on.

When we arrived at the gates, there was a man at the gate telling us to go towards a queue station to collect forms and do photostating. You can do photostating for free in the Indonesian Embassy. We headed towards the queue station. There was a man seated at a desk at the start of the queue station. There was no queue. We showed him the passport and he handed us a form and 3 duplicate copies of a pre-printed contract of employment between maid and employer.

The form was very simple to complete. Just one page. The only thing you probably have to remember is your maid’s address and contact person back home. Make sure your maid knows this beforehand. I remember my sister’s young Cambodian maid who did not even know her home address. She was homesick and the agent offered to contact her family but she was not able to give them a contact number.

The contract of employment is to be filled out in triplicate. One copy for the Embassy, one for the maid and one for the employer. You have to fill out the number of years you wish the contract to be, the salary (minimum salary for renewal is RM600), the Embassy announced this in the loudspeaker, as well as the place of exit, ie your responsiblity in terms of paying for the maids fare to and fro. You should have a rough idea about all this before you go so that it is easier for you to write this information down in the preprinted contract.

After we completed the form and contract we went to the end of the queue station (though there was no queue) and showed the form, contract and passport to the man seated there. He gave us a number and allowed us to enter. It is a good idea to photostat your documents after you take the number. The photostat station is located on the right or you can ask the man who gives out the numbers.

Before entering the waiting area, we had to walk through a room to have the maid’s photograph taken. Then we are allowed to enter the waiting area. We were there at 9.45am. Our number (2078) was called at 11.15am to surrender the documents at the counter. We did not realise that we had to photostat the documents before that but we were allowed to leave the room to the photostat station which is outside and not very far from the waiting room to get the documents photostated for free.

After that we had to wait to make payment. We were called to make payment at 12.30pm. When making payment, usually the maid has to go to the counter as the counter person will interview the maid. They will ask for her address and contact person back home to verify her indentity. Then they will enquire whether she is happy working and how much is her renewal salary. Remember, the minimum is RM600.

After making the payment, I asked the man manning the counter how long it will take for the passport to be ready. It was 12.20pm at the time. His reply was “After lunch. You can go and have your lunch and go shopping if you like and come back at 3pm to collect the passport”

I would say that everything is quite smooth flowing so far. Accept that you have to be prepared to wait it out. If you trust your maid to be around lots of long haired hippy looking males, you may even leave her there to wait.

We went to pick up the kids from school, have lunch and then hubby sent us there at about 2.30pm. Hubby was supposed to leave us there and go run another errant. However, I saw that the numbers 2071 to 2074 was called in rapid succession. My number was 2078. So I called hubby to turn back.

Unfortunately, the number did not move from there and an hour later, they were still calling 2075. Then the numbers became erractic. 2095, 2103, 2080 etc. till almost every number near and above mine were called except my 2078.

I went to the counter twice to ask why my number was not called even though those ahead of mine had been called just to make sure that I had not missed my number but they said it was like that and told me to wait.

Finally, my number was called at 4.00pm. The counter man interviewed the maid again shortly, almost the same questions ie how long she has been working etc. Then he looked at me and asked “Is this your signature?” pointing to the employer’s signature on the employment contract. I explained that it was my husband’s who was there in the morning and he said “you should start paying her the new salary from next month.” I told him that we will start paying her the new salary immediately after her current 2 year contract with us expires in 3 months time. He looked at the maid and asked her whether that was ok with her and when she said yes, he released the passport to us together with a copy of the employment contract for her and for me. The new passport starts from the date of application even though the old passport expires much later.

9am to 4pm. That is all the time it took us. The only documents you require is your maid’s current passport. Not too difficult but very time consumming. Oh I forgot to mention. I paid RM10 for parking and RM18 for the passport. The agent was going to charge us RM350 for this service.

I can’t believe that in the mid of this year, our helper will be with us for two full years. I remember I was so full of apprehension about bringing a stranger into our house. With all those horror maid stories, it certainly scares anyone from thinking about having a maid.

At the end of the day, we find that having a maid has been a great help to us. Though she does work a bit slow and is often dreamy and not careful enough at times, she is not forgetful, is intelligent, quite safety concious (probably because we drum this into her often) and does not have an attitude. She is also used to our household schedule by now. We are thinking of asking her to stay longer. Does anyone know

• What is the process of renewing maid after 2 years?
• How much does the procedure to renew maid after 2 years cost?
• What are the pemits, health checks, passport permits etc that is required?
• How do you ask your maid to stay?
• Do you send her home for a month or two or is it better to persuade her to stay on? I have been told that it is better to request that they stay on with compensation, otherwise they may change their minds after they get home
• How do you persuade her to stay on?
• If you don’t renew after 2 years what is the procedure? What is the cost?
• If your maid agrees to stay, how much do you save in agency and other cost? (This information is useful in order for us to decide how much raise or compensation to give her for possibly not returning home)

Help. Anyone?

The maid has been with us for 6 months now so its time to start paying her directly. Those of you who have maids will know that we are required to pay a 6 months advance salary upfront but this 6 months advance salary does not go to the maid. It goes to the agency for the advanced loan that the maid takes from the agency to get them placed overseas. Imagine working for 6 months without pay. Hmmm….

I understand that different employers do this payment of salaries to the maid differently. Some show her a piece of paper as a record and records down each payment monthly. Some pay via a bank account. I even heard of some who pay into their own bank accounts because they think the maid should not be earning interests on their money! Gosh! I really don’t know what to say to that.

I asked my maid how her previous employer paid her. She said that the previous employer will pay her cash and put it into a petty cash box every month. My first thought was “What if there was a burglary and someone runs off with that petty cash box?” Hmmm….

I would like to open a bank account for the maid because I think that is the most normal mode of payment. I think thats fair too. However, I don’t know what kind of account I have to open since she is a foreigner here. Can anyone help me out? As a foreigner, can she have a normal savings account for locals or is it different? What about transmission of money back home and how does she transfer her money home at the end of her tenure?

She told me that she had a difficult time trying to retrieve her money from the bank in her hometown previously although her employer had told her  that she had sent it. My maid lives in a very rural place. She has to take a day by lorry to the nearest bank and each time she did that the bank would say it has not received the money yet. According to her she had to travel 2-3 times before she received her money.

Appreciate if somebody with experience comments. Thanks.

Managing the maid isn’t only about managing her work, it is also about managing relationships. Relationship with us and relationship with the kids. Managing the maid’s relationship with the kids is not an easy task. There is a fine line to draw in many areas. For example, we do not want the kids to start taking her for granted. We also do not want the kids to get too close to her and become manja with her etc. Like I said, its a fine line.

I have some house rules when it comes to managing the maid and the kids. I have told the maid…

• not to help them to wear their shoes unless we are in a hurry. She doesn’t help me to dress or feed them so the rest is not a problem. I want independant kids, not kids who rely on the maid to do everything for them.
• not to manja them. This is especially if I am scolding them and they she tries to comfort them. I will tell her to leave them alone. I explained to her that this is because I do not want to have kids that are “kurang ajar” (have no manners) in case she feels hurt or insulted when I tell her to “kakak, biar kan dia!” Kids will be kids and they will try to take comfort in anyone who is there for them. I certainly do not want a situation where the kids will run to the maid everytime I scold them. This is a no no for me. The maid also tends to like to carry the little one especially if he complains that he is tired. My little boy likes to make a big show that he is very very tired when he wants to be carried especially when he is bored from walking around the malls. I do not want a manja little kid who wants to be carried all the time so I always ask her to put him down when he behaves like that. My husband and I do not want to encourage his behaviour so we don’t always pick him up when he complains that he is tired so we do not want him to take advantage of the fact that the maid will pick him up. If we allow this, we will be telling him indirectly, that it is ok to go to kakak when we are stern with him. This creates un unhealthy situation where the kids will turn to the maid against the parents.
• not to take any instructions from the kids. I also told the kids not to give any instructions to the maid. Instructions must come from me only. If they want to request a ribena, for example, they must ask me first. I have told the maid to tell them ”tanya mummy dulu” or “mummy kata tak boleh” if they go to her. Even then, as she is pouring the drink, sometimes they will ask “kakak, saya mau lebih manis. Manis dan sejuk.” It is really a fine line.
• the kids must treat the maid with respect. Sometimes the small one, throws a black face at her if she is too busy to play with him. Or another example is, they may talk loudly to her or push her hand away if she tries to wear the seatbelt for them in the backseat and they refuse. My husband and I will not allow this. If any of the kids speak to the maid with disrespect, they will be reprimanded immediately.

However, I am guilty of a number of things. When we browsing at the bookshop or walking around the mall for example. me and hubby sometimes tend to leave the kids with the maid for short spurts of time so that we can look around. I really should be with the kids myself.

Another thing, sometimes when we are busy, we would allow the kids to play with the maid for a while. As a result the kids have become very close to the maid. We get a little uncomfortable if we see them too close. On the one hand, it is good that the maid likes the kids but on the other hand, well, who knows?  Its a fine line.

This maid really knows how to entertain kids as her main task with a previous employer was to look after the kids. She would teach them to sing, play hide and seek and other silly games with them. The kids like her a lot. I suppose this is a good thing but at the same time it worries me a bit too. Sometimes when I tell them “If kakak wants to take  you anywhere on your own WITHOUT mummy and daddy, you are NOT to go.” They don’t understand and they ask “Why?” How do you explain to a 5 and 7 year old that it is not a good idea to go anywhere with kakak on their own WITHOUT mummy and daddy’s permission when that kakak lives in your house 24 hours a day, 7 days a week throughout the year?

The maid does have the tendency to manja the kids a bit. So I have to always be on guard to see that she does not carry this out too far. She has also previously proudly proclaimed to me that her previous charges prefer her to their mother. According to her, she basically had to do everything for the kids previously. She bathed, dressed, fed them, walked them to school and back, made sure they do their homework and slept with them. I had to explain to her that perhaps she had to do things differently previously maybe because she has to listen to the kids a bit more since that makes them easier to control. But I want to have good mannered and well behaved kids so we will not manja them or they will turn out to be naughty and disrespectful.

So, hopefully, after giving her the reasons for my actions and explaining how I want my kids to be brought up, she will not take it personally when I say “Kakak, biarkan dia!” Because at the point when I say this, its usually in a loud voice because I am disciplining the kids at the time. I surely don’t want her to misunderstand and think that I am disciplining her! I must admit that I also feel a bit annoyed when I see her trying to go to the kid as I am disciplining them or trying to carry them or wear their shoes for them when they complain that they are tired.

I told her that kids will be kids and if you always rush to them to give in to their demands, soon they will learn that if they demand for something, even in an unreasonable manner, they will get what they want. Then the kids will end up being rude and demanding. I want to make it clear what I prefer and what I don’t but I have to explain the reasons why so she will understand. Phew! Managing relationships is almost as hard if not harder than managing housework.

Can you share with me how you manage your maid and the kids or if you don’t have a maid, how you think this should be managed? So that I can add to my list of rules in case I miss anything out.

So far the maid is quite ok. Hubby says she is rather strong and not careful enough while doing things so he asked me to remind her to be more careful. So far she has lost one of our drawer keys because I think she accidentally swiped it while wiping the bookshelf and it fell behind the built ins so we are unable to retrieve it. Fortunately I was able to find a spare key after 24 hours of searching. hahaha. We quickly had another one made so that we won’t have to call in the locksmith the next time. Lol.

The shower pipe in her toilet also burst recently so we called in the plumber…. but it could happen to anybody. Maybe she was too rough but perhaps the pipe was old and about to burst anyway. So far only minor things like these which we can live with.

When she first came, she was very quiet, spoke softly and often had her head lowered. Nowadays she speaks loudly and laughs heartily but she still has this uncanny way of repeating after everything I say and agreeing with me about everything. She also is often in a “standby” mode. Whenever I appear, she would also appear conveniently ready for orders or she would be somewhere nearby within reach pretending to wash the kitchen towels or her clothes. Or she would be in her room reading one of the books or magazines we bought her. We bought her a Harry Porter story book and when I asked her what the story was about she said she couldn’t remember but it was very good. I wonder if she really read it but she is always sitting with a book or magazine when she is free. I know that she can read and write because she would write lyrics of songs and teach the kids to sing them.

We have encouraged her to write home and have brought her to the post office to post her letter twice but so far no reply. She is not really that homesick because she came to work to get away from her stepmother and stepsister. So her motivation to work here is a bit different. Some of them come her to support their children etc.

The other day, hubby rewarded my girl for being a good little emcee at her kindy concert so we took the kids to Megakidz to have some fun. Our new “kid” (the maid) had loads of fun too. Haha. It was fun watching her having fun. She laughed with glee like a kid on the air bouncer.

Speaking about laughter, she has uncontrollable laughter sometimes. I used to take her to the kindy to watch the kids practise for the concert and she would laugh so loudly at the little ones because they were so cute. I think this distracted the kids and the teachers a bit.

Once, we went to a property showcase and there was a clown on stilts. She laughed so hard (much harder than my kids) till the tears rolled down from her eyes. Thats no problem at all. However, once, I saw her laughing loudly at a kid who had fallen off a slide in front of a toyshop. The kid’s parents weren’t amused. They kept staring at the maid like they wanted to tear her apart or eat her up, especially the dad! I had to quickly remove the maid from the scene and gently remind her not to laugh the next time. I told her that she had made the kid’s dad mad because she wasn’t even aware of it. I guess the kid’s parents were mad because the girl was crying and when she saw the maid laughing at her she cried even harder. Actually the kid had ran up the wrong way of the slides instead of climbing from the stairs and that was why she had fallen making the maid laugh. However, I must say that any protective parent would have been mad because instead of rushing to her aid or ignoring her as most people would have done, the maid laughed causing the girl to become embarassed and cry harder. I must remember to remind her to control her giggles in public next time. I still remember how the man glared at her.

She’s very good in ironing and folding clothes. Thats a plus point for her. I hate ironing. So thats fantastic for me. Hehe.

We have been trying to make jellies, steamed cakes, hoen koay (powder cake) etc. This is to occupy her, get her to do some “fun” stuff (instead of just housework 24/7) as well as get some home made food for the kids to enjoy. However, so far, we haven’t been very successful at our attempts so in the end both of us have to gobble up everything. Haha.

We also do some “gardening”. ”Gardening” means watering the plants once a day. Haha. We are trying to plant some vegetables. The vegetables grow so slowly and hubby often jokes with her and asks her when he can get to eat the vegetables.  The maid and I have decided that he can eat them during Chinese New Year. lol.

The other day the kids wanted to buy some seedlings to grow. So far we had only bought ready planted plants and flowers and have never tried growing anything from seeds before so we bought cherry tomato seeds for the boy and daisy flower seedlings for the girl. We planted them into pots on Sunday. It has started to sprout now. Its amazing to watch them sprout and grow. Everyday the maid goes and check those pots of seedlings and our slow growing vegetables so its another “fun” thing for her to do. We’ve only managed to “harvest” some spring onions and ate them once in our soup noodles.

The other day, I asked her what was her ambition for example what would she like to buy home when she has made some money. She told me that the last time she bought home a torchlight for her dad and her dad loved it. He likes taking it to the “kebun”. That is because she lives in a very rural place with no electricity. Her family are farmers. However, according to her the torchlight was “rosak” almost immediately and could not be used anymore. Two things struck me. 1. The simplicity of her reply and 2. Must remember to get her a torchlight when she goes home.

Her hair is a constant source of conversation with strangers. Many strangers have commented about it to me. “Is it real?” “She looks like a negro.” etc are some. Once a woman couldn’t stop staring at her. She stared at her and looked like she was going to burst out laughing. Then she looked at me. I just looked back at her blankly. Really! Whats so funny about somebody that looks different from us?

Recently when we went to the hair salon, we asked her if she would like to have a haircut too since we noticed that it had grown a bit long. She looked a bit uncomfortable but smiled and said “terserah kepada mister dan ma’am lah”. We told her no, it is not “terserah kepada kita”. It is “terserah kepada kamu” because it is your own hair. We then told her to think about it. Later before leaving for the salon, I asked her again and she said no, she wanted to leave it as it is. Previously she had told me that she had very long hair before this but at the camp they shaved all of them till their hair became very short cropped to make things easier to control or manage.

She is a Christian. So she can handle and eat pork and we don’t have to worry about giving her lighter work during fasting month etc. I think this is much easier for us to handle as we don’t have to worry about needing to be sensitive to her religious needs and culture.

Well, that is all for my records for now. Hopefully, we can continue to have a good working relationship.

It is tough when you have trouble from the start. My sister who had to switch to a new Cambodian maid by absorbing her in (she was temp) because the Indon maid that she applied for had changed her mind about working here at the very last minute is having some “teething problems”.

She cries easily. At the agents, my sister found out that one of the reasons was because she said she did not like to take orders from the kids. One of the kids had asked her to prepare some food for them. So my sister said thats ok, take orders only from me and forget about the kids. So she thought that was settled. Another reason is, she is not happy about the food that they eat. My sister allows her to add some extra zing to her food to something more familiar like what she used to have at home. She adds some peanuts into the vege while cooking. Then she becomes happy again.  

However a few days later my sister couldn’t find her in the morning to help prepare breakfast. She was hiding somewhere in the garden crying. My sister took her to the agent again to try to find out whats wrong since she can’t speak English. When she arrived at the agent she saw another Cambodian maid and was smiling again after that.

The agent said she must be homesick, so they asked her for her parents phone number to call back. However the maid had left it in her original employer’s home and they can’t get it back now because that employer no longer wants to have anything to do with the maid or the agent anymore. The maid had only worked there for 1-2 weeks. I wonder what she did to cause such unhappinness.

My sister treats her well but she is still complaining and rather emotional. Everyone advises my sister not to keep her because of her emotional state. However, if she didn’t she would lose a lot of money. Sigh. Tough isn’t it?

My maid is almost 3 months old now and so far things are ok. I think that having a stranger living in your house for an extended period of time requires careful management. In fact, having anyone living in your house for an extended period of time requires careful management whether its a younger sibling, a parent or in-laws.

I have certain standards and rules in my house which may not work in other homes because each household has their own different set of dynamics. For example, I am home all the time, so I can manage the maid better but at the same time I have to build a very good relationship with her because we will be seeing each other so much.

Anyway, firstly, I do not let her handle the house keys. Knowing that the doors are closed and locked by me gives us more peace of mind. I have small kids and its dangerous to leave gates or grills open these days. However, the price to pay for this is, we have to take her with us everywhere we go, even if its just for a ride round the neighbourhood for fun or to a family gathering etc. We will not take the risk of her being locked in the house in case of an emergency. We also take her along whenever we eat out which raises our living expenses a little bit but that is the price we have to pay. Not letting her handle the keys also mean we wash the porch and car just once a week. It is more manageable that way. The car and porch can be a little dirty. We don’t mind. Safety first. 

Secondly, we don’t watch much tv at home so she also doesn’t get to watch tv freely. However, we do have movie nights where we invite her to watch a rented dvd or movie together with us and she also munches in front of the tv with us. No problem. When there is a good program that we are watching we will call her to watch as well like the opening and closing ceremonies of the Olympic games so she is not totally restricted from watching tv. To compensate for her not being able to watch tv during her free time, we buy her magazines and story books to read. I find this much easier to manage. I remember once when my sister’s maid came over to stay, she watched so much tv that I had to get up at night after I went to bed, to make sure she switched off all the tv and light switches. I think restricting tv also prevents me from having to request her to turn off the tv halfway during an exciting tv program and getting a sour face as a result.

Thirdly, she is not free to come upstairs whenever she likes. She comes upstairs to do housework, that is all. This gives us some privacy because hubby sometimes likes to walk around in his birthday suit. I also make my beds myself most of the time unless I am sick. My bedroom is still, well, my bedroom. It is a private place afterall. She helps me fold the laundry and put them in a basket. Then I keep them in my closet myself. This ensures privacy and reduces temptation too IMHO.

Fourth is regarding the kids. This is actually first in terms of priority. The maid does not handle the kids. I am their mother. So I bathe and feed them myself. She plays with them occassionally when I am busy. I also set rules for the kids. I tell them certain things that they are not allowed to do with the maid, like leaving the house with her alone, for example, unless daddy and mummy says its ok. Sometimes I hear my girl tell her “Tak boleh kakak, nanti ibu marah.” so hopefully that means the kids get the message ie always ask daddy and mummy first. The kids get along with her very well. She sometimes writes lyrics of children’s songs in Malay and teaches the kids how to sing them. Even the 4 year old has learned some Malay songs now and he can say simple words like “Mahu” and “Tak Mahu”. Quite often I can hear the kids telling her “Kakak, lihat saya” or “Kakak, sembunyi” or “Kakak, racing car” If the kids get in her way while she is doing the housework she sometimes tells me “Ma’am, he is stepping on the dust, can you take him away, please?” To me, that is good. I also find it difficult to work when the kids are in the way so I can understand her position and I take them away to another part of the house. I prefer this to her beating them behind my back. It is also easier for her to have a better relationship with the kids by not handling them. You can always have a better relationship with the kids if your job or responsibility is just to play with them. When it comes to caregiving, that relationship changes. She will also find it hard to care for the kids if she does not have the authority to discipline them. I also tell the kids off sternly if I find them misbehaving, talking to the maid rudely or trying to bully her as I will not tolerate those.

Fifth, no doing work without being told. Because I am home all the time, I can have a tighter management. I delegate work to the maid on a daily basis. She does not do work on her own initiative, only occassionally. This reduces the risk of her doing things without my knowledge or breaking things and hiding it etc. She is also clearer about her role as miscommunication can lead to misunderstanding.

Sixth, no reason to lie. We have a rule of not eating in the room. She eats whatever we eat. As soon as the food is cooked, I scoop up the dishes and serve them straight onto everybody’s plate including hers. Her portion is the same, in fact much more than mine because I am afraid of putting on weight. There is never anything lacking so there is never a reason to steal food and eat secretly and then lying about it later on.

Seventh, she does not stay at home alone nor alone at home with the kids. Even if I am just going to the nearby kindy to take my girl home, I take her and the boy along even though this is obviously more inconvenient. It would be too easy to just let the boy sleep in and the maid to do the housework while I collect or send the girl but no, I don’t mind a little inconvenience. Safety first. I have seen maids with a baby in a sling while walking another toddler to the kindy unaccompanied by anyone. Perhaps the employer really has no choice but I can’t help but worry at the sight.

Eight, building a good relationship. Because I spend a lot of time with the maid, I have to establish a good relationship with her. I do this by trying to do things together with her. If I try a new recipe, I saw “Let US try this new recipe together and if we fail BOTH OF US have to wallop it together because no one will eat it!” This usually makes her laugh heartily. Or if someone gives a food which I know the hubby and kids don’t really like that much, I tell her “Aiyoh, finish lah, BOTH OF US have to finish all this cake! Surely we will grow fat!” I always use “US” instead of “you” and “I”. I usually ask her opinion about gardening, about cooking (even though I am a better cook than her since she didn’t cook before in her previous employment, her job was mainly to take care of the kids then) or about how to tie my girl’s hair up etc. This draws her in and ensures she is not left out and makes her feel more involved and accepted. I chat with her about my past stories when the kids were younger etc and she tells me about her maid training experience, her family and her previous employment etc.  When I see that a task is too difficult to handle by one person, I do it together with her. For example, when washing the backyard, I may sweep, while she washes the drain or I may carry pails of water for her while she brushes the floor. If she is out washing the porch, I may prepare breakfast including hers. Sometimes I serve her meals to her when she is busy but thats ok with me. This makes sure that she is not overburdened and it keeps us doing things as a team. It also encourages her to work harder when she feels that she is not alone in doing the work.

Ninth, during mealtimes, she eats in the kitchen, my children and I eat in the dining room and hubby eats in the living room in front of the tv. During breakfast the kids and I eat in the kitchen with her. The rest of the time, we keep it separate unless we’re eating out of course. This makes sure that the kids do not get into the habit of asking her to feed them. It also makes sure that we don’t spread viruses around by sharing food. So far, when the family was sick for months one after another after another, she managed to avoid being sick. It is also easier for her to complete her work. Sometimes she washes up before eating and sometimes afterwards. Its up to her. It is easier for her to manage her work that way. I always clear up the dining room myself and bring the plates to her for cleaning up. Then I cut fruits for the family while she is washing the dishes and I save some fruits for her.

Tenth, drawing the line. Much as I’d like to treat her like part of the family, I have to remember that she is still someone whom I only know for 3 months whose only background I know is what she tells me apart from whats printed on a biodata on a single piece of paper. So, although I am as nice to her as I can be, I cannot lower my guard. This is especially so with my kids. Thats why I have the above rules.

I remember previously when I blogged about maids, a commentor mentioned that he has not enough work for a maid but if he does not have a maid, he will be very busy. I find this to be true with me too. The maid is quite often very free and goes jalan jalan and makan makan quite often with us. My only worry is that she would be bored, feel lonely or left out at times. How to solve those areas?