Archive for the 'Maid' Category

I can’t believe that in the mid of this year, our helper will be with us for two full years. I remember I was so full of apprehension about bringing a stranger into our house. With all those horror maid stories, it certainly scares anyone from thinking about having a maid.

At the end of the day, we find that having a maid has been a great help to us. Though she does work a bit slow and is often dreamy and not careful enough at times, she is not forgetful, is intelligent, quite safety concious (probably because we drum this into her often) and does not have an attitude. She is also used to our household schedule by now. We are thinking of asking her to stay longer. Does anyone know

• What is the process of renewing maid after 2 years?
• How much does the procedure to renew maid after 2 years cost?
• What are the pemits, health checks, passport permits etc that is required?
• How do you ask your maid to stay?
• Do you send her home for a month or two or is it better to persuade her to stay on? I have been told that it is better to request that they stay on with compensation, otherwise they may change their minds after they get home
• How do you persuade her to stay on?
• If you don’t renew after 2 years what is the procedure? What is the cost?
• If your maid agrees to stay, how much do you save in agency and other cost? (This information is useful in order for us to decide how much raise or compensation to give her for possibly not returning home)

Help. Anyone?

The maid has been with us for 6 months now so its time to start paying her directly. Those of you who have maids will know that we are required to pay a 6 months advance salary upfront but this 6 months advance salary does not go to the maid. It goes to the agency for the advanced loan that the maid takes from the agency to get them placed overseas. Imagine working for 6 months without pay. Hmmm….

I understand that different employers do this payment of salaries to the maid differently. Some show her a piece of paper as a record and records down each payment monthly. Some pay via a bank account. I even heard of some who pay into their own bank accounts because they think the maid should not be earning interests on their money! Gosh! I really don’t know what to say to that.

I asked my maid how her previous employer paid her. She said that the previous employer will pay her cash and put it into a petty cash box every month. My first thought was “What if there was a burglary and someone runs off with that petty cash box?” Hmmm….

I would like to open a bank account for the maid because I think that is the most normal mode of payment. I think thats fair too. However, I don’t know what kind of account I have to open since she is a foreigner here. Can anyone help me out? As a foreigner, can she have a normal savings account for locals or is it different? What about transmission of money back home and how does she transfer her money home at the end of her tenure?

She told me that she had a difficult time trying to retrieve her money from the bank in her hometown previously although her employer had told her  that she had sent it. My maid lives in a very rural place. She has to take a day by lorry to the nearest bank and each time she did that the bank would say it has not received the money yet. According to her she had to travel 2-3 times before she received her money.

Appreciate if somebody with experience comments. Thanks.

Managing the maid isn’t only about managing her work, it is also about managing relationships. Relationship with us and relationship with the kids. Managing the maid’s relationship with the kids is not an easy task. There is a fine line to draw in many areas. For example, we do not want the kids to start taking her for granted. We also do not want the kids to get too close to her and become manja with her etc. Like I said, its a fine line.

I have some house rules when it comes to managing the maid and the kids. I have told the maid…

• not to help them to wear their shoes unless we are in a hurry. She doesn’t help me to dress or feed them so the rest is not a problem. I want independant kids, not kids who rely on the maid to do everything for them.
• not to manja them. This is especially if I am scolding them and they she tries to comfort them. I will tell her to leave them alone. I explained to her that this is because I do not want to have kids that are “kurang ajar” (have no manners) in case she feels hurt or insulted when I tell her to “kakak, biar kan dia!” Kids will be kids and they will try to take comfort in anyone who is there for them. I certainly do not want a situation where the kids will run to the maid everytime I scold them. This is a no no for me. The maid also tends to like to carry the little one especially if he complains that he is tired. My little boy likes to make a big show that he is very very tired when he wants to be carried especially when he is bored from walking around the malls. I do not want a manja little kid who wants to be carried all the time so I always ask her to put him down when he behaves like that. My husband and I do not want to encourage his behaviour so we don’t always pick him up when he complains that he is tired so we do not want him to take advantage of the fact that the maid will pick him up. If we allow this, we will be telling him indirectly, that it is ok to go to kakak when we are stern with him. This creates un unhealthy situation where the kids will turn to the maid against the parents.
• not to take any instructions from the kids. I also told the kids not to give any instructions to the maid. Instructions must come from me only. If they want to request a ribena, for example, they must ask me first. I have told the maid to tell them ”tanya mummy dulu” or “mummy kata tak boleh” if they go to her. Even then, as she is pouring the drink, sometimes they will ask “kakak, saya mau lebih manis. Manis dan sejuk.” It is really a fine line.
• the kids must treat the maid with respect. Sometimes the small one, throws a black face at her if she is too busy to play with him. Or another example is, they may talk loudly to her or push her hand away if she tries to wear the seatbelt for them in the backseat and they refuse. My husband and I will not allow this. If any of the kids speak to the maid with disrespect, they will be reprimanded immediately.

However, I am guilty of a number of things. When we browsing at the bookshop or walking around the mall for example. me and hubby sometimes tend to leave the kids with the maid for short spurts of time so that we can look around. I really should be with the kids myself.

Another thing, sometimes when we are busy, we would allow the kids to play with the maid for a while. As a result the kids have become very close to the maid. We get a little uncomfortable if we see them too close. On the one hand, it is good that the maid likes the kids but on the other hand, well, who knows?  Its a fine line.

This maid really knows how to entertain kids as her main task with a previous employer was to look after the kids. She would teach them to sing, play hide and seek and other silly games with them. The kids like her a lot. I suppose this is a good thing but at the same time it worries me a bit too. Sometimes when I tell them “If kakak wants to take  you anywhere on your own WITHOUT mummy and daddy, you are NOT to go.” They don’t understand and they ask “Why?” How do you explain to a 5 and 7 year old that it is not a good idea to go anywhere with kakak on their own WITHOUT mummy and daddy’s permission when that kakak lives in your house 24 hours a day, 7 days a week throughout the year?

The maid does have the tendency to manja the kids a bit. So I have to always be on guard to see that she does not carry this out too far. She has also previously proudly proclaimed to me that her previous charges prefer her to their mother. According to her, she basically had to do everything for the kids previously. She bathed, dressed, fed them, walked them to school and back, made sure they do their homework and slept with them. I had to explain to her that perhaps she had to do things differently previously maybe because she has to listen to the kids a bit more since that makes them easier to control. But I want to have good mannered and well behaved kids so we will not manja them or they will turn out to be naughty and disrespectful.

So, hopefully, after giving her the reasons for my actions and explaining how I want my kids to be brought up, she will not take it personally when I say “Kakak, biarkan dia!” Because at the point when I say this, its usually in a loud voice because I am disciplining the kids at the time. I surely don’t want her to misunderstand and think that I am disciplining her! I must admit that I also feel a bit annoyed when I see her trying to go to the kid as I am disciplining them or trying to carry them or wear their shoes for them when they complain that they are tired.

I told her that kids will be kids and if you always rush to them to give in to their demands, soon they will learn that if they demand for something, even in an unreasonable manner, they will get what they want. Then the kids will end up being rude and demanding. I want to make it clear what I prefer and what I don’t but I have to explain the reasons why so she will understand. Phew! Managing relationships is almost as hard if not harder than managing housework.

Can you share with me how you manage your maid and the kids or if you don’t have a maid, how you think this should be managed? So that I can add to my list of rules in case I miss anything out.

So far the maid is quite ok. Hubby says she is rather strong and not careful enough while doing things so he asked me to remind her to be more careful. So far she has lost one of our drawer keys because I think she accidentally swiped it while wiping the bookshelf and it fell behind the built ins so we are unable to retrieve it. Fortunately I was able to find a spare key after 24 hours of searching. hahaha. We quickly had another one made so that we won’t have to call in the locksmith the next time. Lol.

The shower pipe in her toilet also burst recently so we called in the plumber…. but it could happen to anybody. Maybe she was too rough but perhaps the pipe was old and about to burst anyway. So far only minor things like these which we can live with.

When she first came, she was very quiet, spoke softly and often had her head lowered. Nowadays she speaks loudly and laughs heartily but she still has this uncanny way of repeating after everything I say and agreeing with me about everything. She also is often in a “standby” mode. Whenever I appear, she would also appear conveniently ready for orders or she would be somewhere nearby within reach pretending to wash the kitchen towels or her clothes. Or she would be in her room reading one of the books or magazines we bought her. We bought her a Harry Porter story book and when I asked her what the story was about she said she couldn’t remember but it was very good. I wonder if she really read it but she is always sitting with a book or magazine when she is free. I know that she can read and write because she would write lyrics of songs and teach the kids to sing them.

We have encouraged her to write home and have brought her to the post office to post her letter twice but so far no reply. She is not really that homesick because she came to work to get away from her stepmother and stepsister. So her motivation to work here is a bit different. Some of them come her to support their children etc.

The other day, hubby rewarded my girl for being a good little emcee at her kindy concert so we took the kids to Megakidz to have some fun. Our new “kid” (the maid) had loads of fun too. Haha. It was fun watching her having fun. She laughed with glee like a kid on the air bouncer.

Speaking about laughter, she has uncontrollable laughter sometimes. I used to take her to the kindy to watch the kids practise for the concert and she would laugh so loudly at the little ones because they were so cute. I think this distracted the kids and the teachers a bit.

Once, we went to a property showcase and there was a clown on stilts. She laughed so hard (much harder than my kids) till the tears rolled down from her eyes. Thats no problem at all. However, once, I saw her laughing loudly at a kid who had fallen off a slide in front of a toyshop. The kid’s parents weren’t amused. They kept staring at the maid like they wanted to tear her apart or eat her up, especially the dad! I had to quickly remove the maid from the scene and gently remind her not to laugh the next time. I told her that she had made the kid’s dad mad because she wasn’t even aware of it. I guess the kid’s parents were mad because the girl was crying and when she saw the maid laughing at her she cried even harder. Actually the kid had ran up the wrong way of the slides instead of climbing from the stairs and that was why she had fallen making the maid laugh. However, I must say that any protective parent would have been mad because instead of rushing to her aid or ignoring her as most people would have done, the maid laughed causing the girl to become embarassed and cry harder. I must remember to remind her to control her giggles in public next time. I still remember how the man glared at her.

She’s very good in ironing and folding clothes. Thats a plus point for her. I hate ironing. So thats fantastic for me. Hehe.

We have been trying to make jellies, steamed cakes, hoen koay (powder cake) etc. This is to occupy her, get her to do some “fun” stuff (instead of just housework 24/7) as well as get some home made food for the kids to enjoy. However, so far, we haven’t been very successful at our attempts so in the end both of us have to gobble up everything. Haha.

We also do some “gardening”. ”Gardening” means watering the plants once a day. Haha. We are trying to plant some vegetables. The vegetables grow so slowly and hubby often jokes with her and asks her when he can get to eat the vegetables.  The maid and I have decided that he can eat them during Chinese New Year. lol.

The other day the kids wanted to buy some seedlings to grow. So far we had only bought ready planted plants and flowers and have never tried growing anything from seeds before so we bought cherry tomato seeds for the boy and daisy flower seedlings for the girl. We planted them into pots on Sunday. It has started to sprout now. Its amazing to watch them sprout and grow. Everyday the maid goes and check those pots of seedlings and our slow growing vegetables so its another “fun” thing for her to do. We’ve only managed to “harvest” some spring onions and ate them once in our soup noodles.

The other day, I asked her what was her ambition for example what would she like to buy home when she has made some money. She told me that the last time she bought home a torchlight for her dad and her dad loved it. He likes taking it to the “kebun”. That is because she lives in a very rural place with no electricity. Her family are farmers. However, according to her the torchlight was “rosak” almost immediately and could not be used anymore. Two things struck me. 1. The simplicity of her reply and 2. Must remember to get her a torchlight when she goes home.

Her hair is a constant source of conversation with strangers. Many strangers have commented about it to me. “Is it real?” “She looks like a negro.” etc are some. Once a woman couldn’t stop staring at her. She stared at her and looked like she was going to burst out laughing. Then she looked at me. I just looked back at her blankly. Really! Whats so funny about somebody that looks different from us?

Recently when we went to the hair salon, we asked her if she would like to have a haircut too since we noticed that it had grown a bit long. She looked a bit uncomfortable but smiled and said “terserah kepada mister dan ma’am lah”. We told her no, it is not “terserah kepada kita”. It is “terserah kepada kamu” because it is your own hair. We then told her to think about it. Later before leaving for the salon, I asked her again and she said no, she wanted to leave it as it is. Previously she had told me that she had very long hair before this but at the camp they shaved all of them till their hair became very short cropped to make things easier to control or manage.

She is a Christian. So she can handle and eat pork and we don’t have to worry about giving her lighter work during fasting month etc. I think this is much easier for us to handle as we don’t have to worry about needing to be sensitive to her religious needs and culture.

Well, that is all for my records for now. Hopefully, we can continue to have a good working relationship.

It is tough when you have trouble from the start. My sister who had to switch to a new Cambodian maid by absorbing her in (she was temp) because the Indon maid that she applied for had changed her mind about working here at the very last minute is having some “teething problems”.

She cries easily. At the agents, my sister found out that one of the reasons was because she said she did not like to take orders from the kids. One of the kids had asked her to prepare some food for them. So my sister said thats ok, take orders only from me and forget about the kids. So she thought that was settled. Another reason is, she is not happy about the food that they eat. My sister allows her to add some extra zing to her food to something more familiar like what she used to have at home. She adds some peanuts into the vege while cooking. Then she becomes happy again.  

However a few days later my sister couldn’t find her in the morning to help prepare breakfast. She was hiding somewhere in the garden crying. My sister took her to the agent again to try to find out whats wrong since she can’t speak English. When she arrived at the agent she saw another Cambodian maid and was smiling again after that.

The agent said she must be homesick, so they asked her for her parents phone number to call back. However the maid had left it in her original employer’s home and they can’t get it back now because that employer no longer wants to have anything to do with the maid or the agent anymore. The maid had only worked there for 1-2 weeks. I wonder what she did to cause such unhappinness.

My sister treats her well but she is still complaining and rather emotional. Everyone advises my sister not to keep her because of her emotional state. However, if she didn’t she would lose a lot of money. Sigh. Tough isn’t it?

My maid is almost 3 months old now and so far things are ok. I think that having a stranger living in your house for an extended period of time requires careful management. In fact, having anyone living in your house for an extended period of time requires careful management whether its a younger sibling, a parent or in-laws.

I have certain standards and rules in my house which may not work in other homes because each household has their own different set of dynamics. For example, I am home all the time, so I can manage the maid better but at the same time I have to build a very good relationship with her because we will be seeing each other so much.

Anyway, firstly, I do not let her handle the house keys. Knowing that the doors are closed and locked by me gives us more peace of mind. I have small kids and its dangerous to leave gates or grills open these days. However, the price to pay for this is, we have to take her with us everywhere we go, even if its just for a ride round the neighbourhood for fun or to a family gathering etc. We will not take the risk of her being locked in the house in case of an emergency. We also take her along whenever we eat out which raises our living expenses a little bit but that is the price we have to pay. Not letting her handle the keys also mean we wash the porch and car just once a week. It is more manageable that way. The car and porch can be a little dirty. We don’t mind. Safety first. 

Secondly, we don’t watch much tv at home so she also doesn’t get to watch tv freely. However, we do have movie nights where we invite her to watch a rented dvd or movie together with us and she also munches in front of the tv with us. No problem. When there is a good program that we are watching we will call her to watch as well like the opening and closing ceremonies of the Olympic games so she is not totally restricted from watching tv. To compensate for her not being able to watch tv during her free time, we buy her magazines and story books to read. I find this much easier to manage. I remember once when my sister’s maid came over to stay, she watched so much tv that I had to get up at night after I went to bed, to make sure she switched off all the tv and light switches. I think restricting tv also prevents me from having to request her to turn off the tv halfway during an exciting tv program and getting a sour face as a result.

Thirdly, she is not free to come upstairs whenever she likes. She comes upstairs to do housework, that is all. This gives us some privacy because hubby sometimes likes to walk around in his birthday suit. I also make my beds myself most of the time unless I am sick. My bedroom is still, well, my bedroom. It is a private place afterall. She helps me fold the laundry and put them in a basket. Then I keep them in my closet myself. This ensures privacy and reduces temptation too IMHO.

Fourth is regarding the kids. This is actually first in terms of priority. The maid does not handle the kids. I am their mother. So I bathe and feed them myself. She plays with them occassionally when I am busy. I also set rules for the kids. I tell them certain things that they are not allowed to do with the maid, like leaving the house with her alone, for example, unless daddy and mummy says its ok. Sometimes I hear my girl tell her “Tak boleh kakak, nanti ibu marah.” so hopefully that means the kids get the message ie always ask daddy and mummy first. The kids get along with her very well. She sometimes writes lyrics of children’s songs in Malay and teaches the kids how to sing them. Even the 4 year old has learned some Malay songs now and he can say simple words like “Mahu” and “Tak Mahu”. Quite often I can hear the kids telling her “Kakak, lihat saya” or “Kakak, sembunyi” or “Kakak, racing car” If the kids get in her way while she is doing the housework she sometimes tells me “Ma’am, he is stepping on the dust, can you take him away, please?” To me, that is good. I also find it difficult to work when the kids are in the way so I can understand her position and I take them away to another part of the house. I prefer this to her beating them behind my back. It is also easier for her to have a better relationship with the kids by not handling them. You can always have a better relationship with the kids if your job or responsibility is just to play with them. When it comes to caregiving, that relationship changes. She will also find it hard to care for the kids if she does not have the authority to discipline them. I also tell the kids off sternly if I find them misbehaving, talking to the maid rudely or trying to bully her as I will not tolerate those.

Fifth, no doing work without being told. Because I am home all the time, I can have a tighter management. I delegate work to the maid on a daily basis. She does not do work on her own initiative, only occassionally. This reduces the risk of her doing things without my knowledge or breaking things and hiding it etc. She is also clearer about her role as miscommunication can lead to misunderstanding.

Sixth, no reason to lie. We have a rule of not eating in the room. She eats whatever we eat. As soon as the food is cooked, I scoop up the dishes and serve them straight onto everybody’s plate including hers. Her portion is the same, in fact much more than mine because I am afraid of putting on weight. There is never anything lacking so there is never a reason to steal food and eat secretly and then lying about it later on.

Seventh, she does not stay at home alone nor alone at home with the kids. Even if I am just going to the nearby kindy to take my girl home, I take her and the boy along even though this is obviously more inconvenient. It would be too easy to just let the boy sleep in and the maid to do the housework while I collect or send the girl but no, I don’t mind a little inconvenience. Safety first. I have seen maids with a baby in a sling while walking another toddler to the kindy unaccompanied by anyone. Perhaps the employer really has no choice but I can’t help but worry at the sight.

Eight, building a good relationship. Because I spend a lot of time with the maid, I have to establish a good relationship with her. I do this by trying to do things together with her. If I try a new recipe, I saw “Let US try this new recipe together and if we fail BOTH OF US have to wallop it together because no one will eat it!” This usually makes her laugh heartily. Or if someone gives a food which I know the hubby and kids don’t really like that much, I tell her “Aiyoh, finish lah, BOTH OF US have to finish all this cake! Surely we will grow fat!” I always use “US” instead of “you” and “I”. I usually ask her opinion about gardening, about cooking (even though I am a better cook than her since she didn’t cook before in her previous employment, her job was mainly to take care of the kids then) or about how to tie my girl’s hair up etc. This draws her in and ensures she is not left out and makes her feel more involved and accepted. I chat with her about my past stories when the kids were younger etc and she tells me about her maid training experience, her family and her previous employment etc.  When I see that a task is too difficult to handle by one person, I do it together with her. For example, when washing the backyard, I may sweep, while she washes the drain or I may carry pails of water for her while she brushes the floor. If she is out washing the porch, I may prepare breakfast including hers. Sometimes I serve her meals to her when she is busy but thats ok with me. This makes sure that she is not overburdened and it keeps us doing things as a team. It also encourages her to work harder when she feels that she is not alone in doing the work.

Ninth, during mealtimes, she eats in the kitchen, my children and I eat in the dining room and hubby eats in the living room in front of the tv. During breakfast the kids and I eat in the kitchen with her. The rest of the time, we keep it separate unless we’re eating out of course. This makes sure that the kids do not get into the habit of asking her to feed them. It also makes sure that we don’t spread viruses around by sharing food. So far, when the family was sick for months one after another after another, she managed to avoid being sick. It is also easier for her to complete her work. Sometimes she washes up before eating and sometimes afterwards. Its up to her. It is easier for her to manage her work that way. I always clear up the dining room myself and bring the plates to her for cleaning up. Then I cut fruits for the family while she is washing the dishes and I save some fruits for her.

Tenth, drawing the line. Much as I’d like to treat her like part of the family, I have to remember that she is still someone whom I only know for 3 months whose only background I know is what she tells me apart from whats printed on a biodata on a single piece of paper. So, although I am as nice to her as I can be, I cannot lower my guard. This is especially so with my kids. Thats why I have the above rules.

I remember previously when I blogged about maids, a commentor mentioned that he has not enough work for a maid but if he does not have a maid, he will be very busy. I find this to be true with me too. The maid is quite often very free and goes jalan jalan and makan makan quite often with us. My only worry is that she would be bored, feel lonely or left out at times. How to solve those areas?

I stare at my open refrigerator door twice a day to crack my head on what to cook for lunch and dinner. “Why don’t you have a  fixed menu. Cook the same thing every Mon, Tue, etc?” suggested hubby.

Yeee. Boring. I like to try new things. But then I find that I end up cooking the same old things. Haha. So today, instead of cracking my head daily, I shall post up the menu for my entire week! Heheh!

Day 1
Lunch - Fish Porridge
Dinner - Steamed Taufoo, Stir Fried Siew Pak Choy, Braised Potato with Minced Meat

Day 2
Lunch - Fish Ball Tong Hor Soup with  Braised Wantan Mee Noodle
Dinner - Sweet & Sour Fillet Fish, Stir Fried Choy Sum, Hot Dog Omellete, Old Cucumber Soup

Day 3
Lunch - Meat Ball Porridge
Dinner - Chicken Kurma, Grey Oyster Mushroom fried in Cucur Udang Flour, Stir Fried Baby French Beans

Day 4
Lunch - Pineapple Fried Rice
Dinner - Kunyit Fried Fish, Homemade Steamed Siew Mai, Stir Fried White Cabbage, Tomato Soup

Day 5
Lunch - Steamed Brocolli & Carrot, Readymade Deep Fried Fish Fingers
Dinner - Pan Fried Egg Taufoo, Stir Fried Mixed Vegetables, Braised Chicken with Ginger

Day 6
Lunch - Eat out (Yahoo!)
Dinner - Steamed Chicken Rice, Eggs Sunny Side Up, Stir Fried Long Beans with dried prawns

Day 7
Lunch - Egg Sandwiches
Dinner- Sweet & Sour Fish, Joo Hu Char (Stir Fried Carrot with Sengkuang, Steamed Egg with minced meat

Now, I just have to reproduce this and paste it on my refrigerator door. Hahaha.

Seriously, planning a menu is no easy affair. You have to think of the likes and dislikes of every person in the house and try to include a dish that everyone likes. If someone is sick, you must make sure your menu has simple foods for that person too. For example, my girl is sick so instead of making fried wantons for the kids, I’ll make steamed siew mai instead using the same ingredients.

You have to think of how to make use of the leftovers too. For example, if I make soup, I will make a lot and use the leftovers as stock for my porridge or soup the next day. I must also make sure that I have the items or ingredients at home so that I don’t have to rush out to buy them last minute as I shop just once a week. I have to think of the kids too. For example, they will gobble up the cauliflower if I make cauliflower fritters and leave it untouched if I stir fry it as a vegetable. So really must crack head.

After meals, our “dessert” usually consist of fruits, either apple, oranges, papayas, watermelon or mangoes etc. 

I am happy that so far, with the maid, my dream of providing healthy wholesome, nutritious, clean food for the family is coming true. The maid does not cook. She just helps me prepare and wash up but that is a tremendous help.

Previously, I could not cook like this due to lack of time and also due to my condition which makes cooking in front of the open fire with no other adult present a bit more challenging. So, lunch and dinner usually consist of porridge, sandwiches, or my one pot foods, ie steamed rice with everything thrown inside the rice cooker pot or microwaved baked beans, and reheated store bought ready made foods or tapau rice and dishes from nearby shops.

This is a very pleasant change. I am happy. Now, you know why I’ve put on 5 pounds? ;) 

No, I’m not talking about my maid woes. She’s fine so far. I’m talking about my sister’s maid woes.

Second sister’s maid’s tenure of 2 years has ended. Not wanting to renew it, my sister went to apply for a new one about 2 months ago. She timed it so that the new maid would arrive in time to replace the new one. Almost near the time for the new maid’s arrival, she was informed that the new maid she had picked had changed her mind about  coming to Malaysia to work and preferred to go to Hong Kong instead so second sis had to pick another new maid. Hmmm strange that they are allowed to change the mind after being picked and processing halfway.

By this time, the old maid’s time was up so second sister is left with none. She now has to take in a temp maid at a daily rate till the new maid that she picks arrives in another 1-2 months time. The temp maid is a reject Cambodian maid. The employer’s whom she was supposed to work for rejected her because of language problems, because she did not know how to operate a washing machine and because she did not know how to lay out a table. “I hired a maid to help me out not to give me more work!” Thats what the employer said as told by the agent.

My sister thinks the temp maid is ok so she has decided to keep her. This means that she has to apply to transfer her from the other employer to herself. The process takes about 2 months. In the meantime she has to keep on paying the daily rate.

I think the agent benefits from the entire process. They do not lose out at all. They benefit if the maid that they promised fails the medical or changes their mind after being picked (like dat oso can). Why? Because then employers are in a quandary and those who are in urgent need, have no choice but to pay more (eg: pay a daily rate). They benefit when those employers take in a temp maid. Imagine paying a higher daily rate for a maid that someone else rejects. This way you “train” the maid for 1-2 months while waiting for your new maid. Mind you, you have to “pay” to “train” ok? And the agent probably gets to recycle this temp maid or inform the next employer that they have a well trained maid for others who need them urgently. And then as in my sister’s case, if you decide to take in the reject maid, you pay a daily rate while waiting for the transfer.

Well anyway, back to sister’s Cambodian maid. She looks like a sweet young girl with a smiley face but she doesn’t speak English or Malay. She does not understand what is breakfast, lunch or dinner. And she has no previous experience so sister has to teach her everything. Looks like second sis is going to be very very busy in the next few months. Training a new maid plus she has a kid who is taking PMR and another doing SPM and another Std 5 kid. Two major exams. Boy oh boy is she going to be stressed. Poor sis.

My maid used to look after the two young kids of her previous employer. I get the impression from her that her main job was looking after the kids and doing some light housework. She wakes and gets the kids ready for school each day. This includes fixing and feeding them breakfast, tying the little girl’s hair and walking them to school. When they get back from school. She makes sure they eat their lunch, have their bath and then takes them to the mother’s shop or back to school again if there are extra activities in school.

She tells me with tears in her eyes that the kids were sad to see her go. I can tell that she has a fondness for the little girl whom she described as rather naughty. I do not think that she has any idea that she has contributed a little bit to this naughtiness.

Why do I say this? Well, I would say that most maids are not given the authority to scold or discipline the kids but they are sometimes given the job of looking after the kids. To me, you cannot look after kids without disciplining as well. This creates a disharmony.

Anyway, yesterday we made some pancakes for the kids for tea because they liked it so much previously. The little one was grumbling about not having enough. He had finished his and his sister had just started eating at the time. The maid was amused by the fact that he liked the pancake so much and she kept on laughing and commenting on the fact. This made the little one even more concious about the fact that he wanted more and there was none. This made the maid laugh even more. Finally, the little one couldn’t stand it any more. He ran out of the kitchen crying very loudly and stomping his foot.

If he acts up like this, I would usually just ignore him till he has calmed down. However, the maid rushed to pick him up and got his sister to give him a piece of her pancake. When she tried to ask his sister to give him another piece of pancake just so he could hold another piece in both his hands to pacify him, I stopped her.

Later on I took her aside and told her to ignore him if he misbehaves or throws a tantrum in future. I explained to her that kids learn from how we behave towards them. I told her that if he screams and you run and give him what he wants, he will learn that he can get what he wants by screaming. So leave him alone even if he looks very pitiful because kids will cry sadly one moment and be laughing again the next. I told her that I know she ran to him because she feels sorry for him and wanted to make him happy again but that is not the way to do it. This way, we will encourage a child to be naughty and greedy.

She told me that that is how she used to give in to everything to the little girl that was under her care because she didn’t know how to handle her. She told me that the little girl was very demanding and would ask for orange juice etc sometimes at 12 or 1 am. It was very tiring. Giving in to everything was easier. She also told me that to make sure that the girl did not keep on asking her for food, she would stuff her with food till she was so full that she wouldn’t ask anymore! That is also another easier way of handling kids.

I also had to explain to the kids that what the boy did was wrong. If he wants more pancake, he should ask nicely and because there wasn’t anymore, I will make sure that I make more for him the next time round. I also told them that what kakak did was wrong too. She felt sorry for him and wanted to make him happy again but I reminded them that no one should be rewarded for bad behaviour. And no one should have their food taken away from them to give to the one with the bad behaviour. They both agreed on that.

And so it turned out alright. I took the opportunity to speak to the maid as well as to the children to set the rules for everyone. I had to be careful when speaking with the maid because I don’t think she meant it in a bad way so I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. At the same time I must make sure that she knows what to do and what not to do in future when in comes to the kids.

I had set up rules and shown her exactly what to do in terms of housework but I had forgotten to set rules and show her what to do in terms of the kids. I didn’t think it was necessary because I always take care of the children myself, bathe, feed, etc. She sometimes plays with the kids when we are busy, that is all. She acted in the way she knew how and according to her natural instinct. Since she had always cared for other children in that manner in the past two years, she naturally did it in the way she used to do. However, the dynamics in my home are not the same and so I had some explaining to do.

Well, so thats that. A lesson learned by everyone including me. So what about you. Do you set rules with your maid about how she should handle your children?

I’m happy that I was able to make pancakes and french toast for the kids for tea the past two days. Its a small thing to be happy about but I’m still happy. Usually the kids just eat biscuits and bread cos’ I’m lazy. Haha. Well, actually, I don’t cook using open fire when I’m alone so it does help that I have someone around, not just for cleaning up.

The kids enjoyed the pancakes and the french toast which they helped to make. My girl would have cooking class in school which she enjoys. Oh no, the kids at kindy don’t really cook but they help to count the number of spoons of sugar etc that is required in the ingredients when they watch their teachers cook. Its a great way to learn.

Every week she would bring back agar-agar (jellies), sandwiches, sweet potato balls, and other local treats that they made in school. She really enjoys these ”cooking” lessons so I try to let them help out in the kitchen whenever I can as it is a good way for them to learn.

I wish I could bake or at least have an oven to try baking. Can anyone recommend a good little oven? :) 

We celebrated our maid’s birthday recently by buying her a cake and singing a birthday song for her. No gift since she’s just with us for slightly over a month. Perhaps next year if she’s still with us, hopefully.

Life with a maid is certainly better despite its slight downside of loss of privacy, extra expense (not just in her salaries but we are now feeding an extra mouth and taking care of an extra person. Our groceries bills has shot up) etc.

On the upside, we now have a cleaner house and daily home cooked meals (I cook, she cleans up) and I have more time for the kids and the spouse.

Its the school holidays now and we have lots of activities planned. Learning Chinese together, reading online together, doing arts and crafts, practising school concert speeches, doing scrap book projects. Our entire day is filled with these. In addition I have to cook (but I don’t need to clean up now. Hooray!). I need to do my exercises and of course theres the man to take care of when he gets home from work.

Previously I would have done all those too but the house would have suffered and our food as well. Now, I can do all of those and still get good food and a clean house. Its been good so far. Lets hope it stays this way.