Archive for the 'Marriage & Relationships' Category

I love food. I love trying out new foods. I think how we view food is in a way related to our upbringing a little.

I think my love affair with food began from young. Mum died early so it was just Dad and us. Dad showed his love to me with food. He was a policeman. When he came back home from late night duty, he would bring home special foods for supper for me. I would wait for him to come home eagerly. Sometimes he took me out to places to try new foods.

Later on, as a single working adult, I continued going out to try new foods with my friends. I continued to eat out often with Dad too.

Hubby on the other hand is not adventurous with food. As a single working adult he would often takeaway fast foods and eat those. He would have TV dinners ie eat his takeaway food in front of the TV. (Thats my own definition for TV dinners). When he finds a type of food he likes, he would eat it often, like every other day.  According to him, he has no time to think about food so he just eats what he likes often. This makes it easy for me. Since he has such an easy to please palate, all I need to do is cook his favourite food everyday. Haha.

Earlier on in our relationship, we had a lot of food related arguments because of the way we are so different in our love for food. However, now we have sort of gravitated towards each other in a good food way. He has come to be a little bit more adventurous now and I don’t mind having repeat TV dinners.

What about you? Do you eat to live or do you live to eat?

Birthdays are worth remembering so I’ll record down what we did on the day. I woke up around 4am with an unpleasant dream and couldn’t go back to sleep for 1 1/2 hours. When I finally did, the unpleasant dream continued. Hmm… didn’t like that one bit.

After that I woke up and fixed breakfast for everybody while daddy woke up and did some work around the house. And thats how my birthday and his Father’s Day started. With business as usual.

After breakfast, we decided to take the kids to the movies for the first time. The line was so long like a snake. We hadn’t gone to a cinema in 10 years so we were totally lost. How many tickets to buy? Do the little ones need tickets? What showtimes? Which seats? Where to buy? etc. Hahaha. But we survived it.

Finally we bought the tickets. We only managed to get tickets for the 2.30pm show for seats on the 3rd row from the front. So we went shopping and had lunch first. After the movie we went shopping some more for daddy’s present to mummy. The kids wanted to get me presents too. “Mummy, I want to buy you a present. I want to buy you a pink flower.” my girl said to me. Hmm….so how did I resolve that? “Go and ask your daddy” I said. Hahaha. And so that is how, I got two flowers nicely wrapped and presented to me by the kids and paid by daddy who had not bought me any flowers in years. Only once in all this time that I have known him. And that was the time when he was tring to get to know me. After that no more flowers from the man. Hahaha. “Can I have the flower back after I give it to you?” asked the boy. Hmm…..

Then we went to the cake shop to buy a sinful banana chocolate cake and we went home to fix a broken light in the house, went straight out again for dinner before coming home to continue fixing the lights. By the time we sang the birthday song and ate the cake it was 9.30pm! The kids then presented me with the flowers and a banner that the girl had drawn for me. Hehe. Before that the kids kept on grumbling. “How come mummy’s birthday hasn’t started?” To them a birthday officially starts only and until you sing the birthday song and cut the cake and open the presents.

Before we went to bed, we put the flowers in two vases, one for each of them and they fought over where to put their own vases. (Hey, I thought the flowers were for me!) They wanted to know how long it would stay beautiful. When I told them that it would probably last about a week because flowers need sunlight, water and food (a lesson in Science) they were sad. Hmm… maybe we should have bought artificial flowers. I noticed that the artificial carnations look like the real thing when I was choosing my roses, pink for the girl and yellow for the boy just because those are their favourtite colours.

What a long day. We went out at about 10.30am and only called it a day at 10.00pm skipping the children’s naps. The children were tired but happy (a little hyper and cranky towards the end of the day but still happy) and so was mummy. Only….., daddy didn’t get his Father’s Day massage from the whole family because we were all so busy. He had to work very hard ferrying his family around and paying for meals and fixing the house lights. Poor daddy. “Its ok” he said “Thats what Father’s do.” And thats why the kids and I love him. Oh and he’ll get his massage as he always does, not only on Father’s Day.

“I’m stuck all day in the house with the kids. There is no adult conversation. Only whining. I have no time for me. There is so much to do. I feel so tired from it all, day in and day out. Its the same everyday. Taking care of little kids 24/7 is really tiring. They are so demanding. In the evenings I have another kid to take care of. I feel so overwhelmed. So tired.  I wish my spouse could help out but he is so tired after work he usually falls asleep right after dinner! So I have to carry on even though I am tired too.”

 “I’m so lucky to spend so much time with my kids. Its really great to be with them when they wake up, during mealtimes, when they get back from school. Its fantastic to be able to be there for them, to play with them and listen to them. Sometimes they have so much energy, much more than me! The kids and I look forward to when their dad gets home. I miss him all day so its nice to pamper him at the end of the day too.  I am happy that I can be so close to my kids. I am happy to have a wonderful supportive spouse who tries to help out even though he is so tired most days he will sleep right after dinner.”

They’re both me. Hehe. So which do I choose to be? The second more positive person of course. The only time when I revert to the negative person is when I am mad (so one should always try to control one’s anger - then I get into a negative downward spiral and the thoughts spin and spin downwards negatively). The other time when I think negatively is when I don’t take care of myself enough. So I always try to take care of myself first. Then and only then will I be able to take care of others. When I feel deprived (of anything, whether its time or whatever) thats when I get caught by the downward negative spiral again.

So postive or negative? Its up to me. And I choose Positive. What about you?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways

You make me laugh through most of our days,
That is surely one of the best ways,

I love the way you appreciate small things in life
I am very lucky to be your wife,

I love the way you are positive about everything
To tide us through all that life may bring,

I love that you are such a special father
And the way you bring our family together,

I love the way you take care of us
It saves me from a lot of stress,

I love the way you organize our stuff
It certainly helps when the going gets tough,

I love the way you share things with me
Even though I may sometimes disagree,

I love the way you put up with my forgetfulness
You are surely my other half with your decisiveness,

I love that you help me with the grocery shopping
How you turn it into our family day is so adoring,

I love you for making my dreams come true
I think of that each time I sit on my piano stool,

My dear this is the 7th year of our marriage
I hope that we can be together as we age.

Its all Disney’s fault really. Why just take a look at this video.

From young, we girls have been bombarded with images of love and romance in stories, movies etc. And thats how when we enter adulthood we all have this romantic notion that some handsome prince or knight in shining armour will come and sweep us off our feet and gallop off into the sunset with us. And oh, we musn’t forget that all romantic kiss must we. *Muaks Muaks* then ride off into the sunset.

Only, in real life, after you ride off into the sunset, you wake up beside the most unromantic man on earth who is too shy to say “I Love You” (The “I Love Yous” are freely said only in the movies) and you fight over everything from who should handle baby’s poo or throw out the rubbish to what to eat or how you should arrange the furniture (can you tell I’m still mad at him for putting the telephone table at the side instead of between my two armchairs? Hahaha).

Oklah, Oklah, I may be married to the most unromantic and practical man in the world who doesn’t say “I Love You” or sends flowers etc etc but he’s still my knight in shining armour, my prince charming. Hehehe. Because no matter what, even with the grind of daily routine, I can’t help it. I’m a hopeless romantic and I still believe in love and magic and Prince Charming because its too deeply instilled within me.

What about you? Are you a hopeless romantic?

Updated:

Moomykin has suggested some romantic ways to spice up your marriage. You should read her post and try out some of her suggestions and then report what happened on your blog. ie whether he reciprocrated or remained a block of wood. Lol!

I received an email that suggested that as wives you should try to find out what you and your husband have in common, then you go and plan some activities or whatever around those things you have in common whether its food, music or whatever and this ought to make the man happy.

So that got me thinking…. Now what do I and my man have in common? I started with the basics.

• Food - I like to try new things. He likes the same ole, same ole.. (But he is getting more adventurous lately. Yippee!)
• Music - I like slow sentimental music. He says those put him to sleep. He likes music with some more beat and oomph and life to it. When I play my slow sentimental music he would ask “What kind of music is that/are you listening to??!” incredulously.
• Sleep - I’m a night owl. He’s an early bird. Need I say more?
• Hobbies - I like to blog. He doesn’t know what is a blog….. previously. Now, he knows but he just doesn’t care about blogging nor have the time or interest to.
• Books - He reads all sorts of finance and investment books that puts me to sleep. Yaaawwwn! I read silly magazines that make him shake his head on why I read that trash. His other love is comics. I’ve started to read them too because they’re light reading, a bit like my trashy mags.
• Aiyoh! I better stop here. We are so different!

Looks like opposites do attract. So what shall I do now? The article did not suggest what to do when you can’t find things in common. Lol! So what about you? Are you and your man opposites or peas in a pod?

How to be the Perfect Wife - The 50s way to welcome a man when he comes home from work.

This was taken from Helen B. Andelin’s Fascinating Womanhood, published by Pacific Press in 1965. The course was designed to teach women how to be happy in marriage.

This is how I fare as a perfect wife. (written in green within brackets after the text). Read on and check how you are doing against the list.

GET YOUR WORK DONE
Plan your tasks with an eye on the clock. Finish or interrupt them an hour before he is expected. Your anguished cry, “Are you home already?” is not exactly a warm welcome. (I’m usually asleep when he gets home)

HAVE DINNER READY
Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. (I’m usually asleep when he gets home. When he wakes me I make a mad dash to the kitchen to prepare dinner)

PREPARE YOURSELF
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. While you are resting you can be thinking about your Fascinating Womanhood assignment and all you can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift. When you arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. (I’m usually asleep when he gets home. Ribbons in hair? Haha. Toussled hair more like it)

CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. in a bucket or wastebasket and put them in the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dustcloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. Having the house in order is another way of letting him know that you care and have planned for this homecoming. (This one is alright because I usually get rid of the clutter before I have a nap with the kids)

PREPARE THE CHILDREN
Take just a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them look the part. (The kids are usually asleep when he gets home)

MINIMIZE ALL NOISE
Especially give heed to this if your husband has to join rush hour traffic. At the time of his arrival eliminate noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet at the time of their father’s arrival. Let them be a little noisy beforehand to get it out of their system. (The house is very quiet because we’re all asleep)

BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM
Greet him with a warm smile and act glad to see him. Tell him that it is good to have him home. This may make his day worthwhile. If there is any romance left in you, he needs it now. (Hopefully I don’t snore in my sleep)

SOME DON’TS

• Don’t greet him with problems and complaints. Solve the problems you can before he gets home and save those you must discuss with him until later in the evening. (Sometimes I call him up at work with problems and complaints)
• Also, don’t complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem when compared with what he might have gone through that day. (I don’t complain when he’s late because it gives me more time to complete my tasks before he gets home)
• Don’t allow the children to rush at him with problems or requests. Allow them to briefly greet their father but save demands for later. (No problem because they’re usually asleep)

MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE
Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don’t insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.  (Err.. how to make him comfortable when I’m usually asleep comfortably in bed?)

LISTEN TO HIM
You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he will be a more responsive listener later. (Yaaawwwn. How was your day? Ok? Good. I have to go and cook now!)

MAKE THE EVENING HIS
Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back. Again, try to understand his world of strain. (Usually he is not cross or irritable but I am!)

THE GOAL
Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Then add to this the application of all the principles of Fascinating Womanhood and your husband will want to come home. He will rather be with you than with anyone else in the world and will spend whatever time he can possibly spare with you. Try living all of these rules for his homecoming and see what happens. This is the way to bring a man home to your side, not by pressure, persuasion or moral obligation. (Walaueh, I fail miserably so how?)

Oh dearie me. At the rate I’m going, my husband won’t want to come home. But then this list is the 50s way of welcoming a man when he comes home from work. Times have changed sistas. Time have changed.

How do you greet your man when he gets home from work or perhaps it is he who greets you when you come back from work?

I’ve just finished mending my duvet cover which was badly torn. At first it had a little tear, then little curious fingers made it worse. Finally, hubby reminded me to sew it before it became worse. I finally did it. I finally did. After that was done, I took out the matching pillow case but that was irreparable now. It was torn beyond repair. It had a little tear in it as well but I just left it and I never handwashed it because I never had the time. I just did what I could. I threw it in the washing machine again and again and with each wash the tear just got bigger and bigger and bigger and now its beyond repair.

“Just do whatever you can” my hubby is always telling me. I am glad that he is so understanding and not demanding in getting good meals and making sure that the house is clean. He knows that my priority is the kids and housework is second. So he doesn’t mind if the house is not spick and span.

He would gently remind me if he notices that the dust is 2 inches deep on the shelves or the toilet is beginning to look like a public toilet. Apart from that he never pressures me to make sure that the house is clean or to have good meals waiting for him and the kids. He does not mind that I sometimes ask him to “tapau” after a hard day’s work instead of coming  home to piping hot home cooked food.

He would rather I spend time playing with the kids than to see me sweating it out in front of the ironing board. So he never complains if his shirts is less than perfectly ironed with not a single crease.

Thats how I survive. I just do whatever I can. Having an understanding husband helps A LOT or else I would go mad. Hahahaha.

This post is to answer some readers who asked the question: “How do you manage?”

Coming up next: How to be the Perfect Wife

I remember when we were dating he used to insist hint that I dress in a certain manner. (Translates : High heels and body hugging dresses).

After he got me and even before we were married, his preference for my dressing changed to relaxed. All of a sudden he preferred me to dress down rather than dress up.(Translates: Bermuda shorts, pants, shirts, sneakers.) 

Now that we are married, I don’t think he notices what I wear or even cares. (Translates: Thats married life!)

I’m curious. Are all men like these? Gals, does he prefer you to …..

1. Dress up?
2. Dress down?
3. Don’t care?

And what is YOUR own preference? Do you dress for him or for yourself? Do you prefer to dress up or otherwise?

Guys, Do you prefer your ladies to…..

1. Dress Up (Translates: Dress Sexily)
2. Dress Down (Translates: Cover Up)
3. Don’t Care? (No need translation)

Hubby’s birthday is approaching and so the unimaginative me went and ordered some more comics for him just like last year. They arrived in a box the other day. The kids were very excited when I told them that the box is a surprise birthday present for daddy.

So we wrapped it up together and I swore them to secrecy after we found a good hiding place for it. Even the 3 year old chipped in “Maybe we’ll hide it in Kong Kong’s room. Its somewhere different.” he said. I was surprised at his clever suggestion. “No, no.” says the 5 year old “Daddy goes in there sometimes to check that everything is ok.” I was surprised about how observant she is. In the end we hid it in another box in our bedroom cupboard.

“Remember, don’t tell daddy about it.” I said.

When daddy came home……

“Daddy, daddy, daddy, there is a surprise present for you!”

Daddy comes to me laughing. “Hahaha. I got surprise birthday present ah. The kids told me.”

When I asked them about it they innocently said. “But we didn’t tell daddy where we hid it or that it is his kungfu kungfu book which he reads in the toilet.”

Lol! Yes, they went on and on and on about his surprise, telling him all about it without revealing what it was but of course hubby already knew……

Next year, I better think of something else. Hahaha.