Archive for the 'Marriage & Relationships' Category

We communicate via email sometimes. It may sound ridiculous but sometimes we email each other every day to “talk”. For us, email is a very effective and useful form of communication.

With young kids around and very little hours in a day where we get to see each other, we hardly have time to talk each day. And even if we do have time to talk, we’re always being interrupted during our conversation, either by kids or by the thousands of things that we need to do in our todo list.

During the weekdays, hubby leaves the house before we’re awake. He says goodbye to us individually and we all murmur back at him sleepily. Haha. When he gets home, its his turn to murmur back at us because he is usually either too tired or has more work to do. That was how it was before the girl went to Primary School. Now, its just a sleepy rush for everyone in the morning accept the little one who gets to sleep in a little longer each morning. With the kids around, that leaves zero communication hours each work week day. That leaves only the weekend and we’re always busy during the weekends as well, rushing around to do this errand and that.

So we find the email very useful. We email the things we want to say to each other before we forget to say them. Little mundane things or things that we want to update each other about. Sometimes hubby writes down those things in a little notebook to be talked about later but email is faster. We just write down whatever we want to say and the other spouse replies quickly in email then we discuss them in more detail when we do find the time to talk or we might reply in person instead of via email. Crazy? But it works for us and I’m happy to email the man about my day for him to read about in the evenings or early mornings otherwise I would probably forget to tell him all the little details by the time we manage to find the time to talk. ;)

This is my husband’s TV Dinner from yesterday.

So what is so special about this dinner? The vegetable!

I finally harvested my own homegrown vegetable after sticking the stems in the pot 6 months ago! Hahaha. Now I have to wait another 6 months before having another plate of these. Lol!

Thanks very much to Lian who inspired me to stick the stems in the pot.

My girl had school on Valentine’s Day so we had to wake up at 6.30am to get her ready and send her to school.  When I was tying her hair, hubby came up behind me and gave me a hug and a kiss and said “Happy Valentine’s Day Hon.” I like that.

Hubby sent my girl to school. I tried to go back to bed but couldn’t so I just cuddled the little one and watched him sleep. I like that.

When hubby got back, he wanted to have his Maggie Mee staple so I prepared some for him. He likes that. I gave some to the boy too. Bad mommy. Of course, I had some too. After that I spent some time counting the kids angpow money so we could bank it in for them. Wow! The angpow packets were really varied and in very nice designs. I must take a pic and post it up if I am not too lazy. We will leave a little bit of the angpow money for them to buy something small of their choice. They will like that.

When that was done, we had to go and make some payments here and there, we had some errands to run, wrote some cheques, did some filing etc. Then it was time to fetch the girl back from school. Since it was a Saturday, we all went to fetch her together. She likes that. The school was more relaxed too since it was a Saturday. They allowed us into the grounds and into the canteen. Normally, they either refuse to let us in or let us huddle together in a corner like sheep in a pen. Hahaha.

The boy was able to run about freely. He likes that. Hubby swung him around and around and they both looked happy. When they are happy, I am happy. I like to watch them together like this.

Then we took the girl to the mall for lunch and to browse at the bookshop. The kids had fish and chips. They like that. Hubby and I had Thai Pineapple Fried Rice. We like that. The maid got to enjoy the Pineapple Fried Rice too. She likes that. Oh oh. The lunch must have been bad, I had to rush home to the comfort of my own toilet. Haha. After that, I bathed the kids and sent them to bed. I badly needed a bath and a hairwash too but I was too tired so I went to sleep without my bath. It was quiet in the afternoon as the whole family napped.

When we woke up, I cooked a very simple dinner that the maid had helped me prepare. Then I told hubby “Happy Valentine’s Day. Sorry, I don’t have the energy to prepare anything special. Just do whatever you can, thats what you always tell me. Hehehe.”

So we had our simple dinner and everyone ate in front of the tv. Everyone likes that. We had CNY leftover F&N Orange and Coke with ice “because it was Valentine’s Day.” Then it was time for my girl to practise Piano for her ABRSM Piano Trial Exam and do some homework. I sat with her to practise piano while hubby taught the boy some math. Hubby has decided to become the kids’ math tuition teacher so he spends some time whenever he can teaching them math.

When my girl was doing her homework, I escaped to have my shower and hair washed at last! Then I dried my hair while guiding her with her homework. After that the kids had milk and doughnuts for supper. They like that.

Then it was off to bed for them. They looked sleepy and didn’t protest or try to join in when I went to snuggle with hubby to watch his favourite martial art movie that I had bought for him for his birthday recently. He likes that and I like to cuddle up.

Now, depending on how you see it, that can be a boring, just another nothing special type of Valentine Day or it can be a blissful Valentine’s Day, a perfect day filled with love.

My husband enjoys martial arts movies, you know the kind where men fly on tree tops, sleep on ice beds and fall off cliffs and still lives. Oh, the hero usually has a few girls hankering after him too. I always complain to my husband about that. Why can’t it be the other way?

So this year, for his birthday, I decided to buy him some martial arts dvds. Being a martial arts movie fan, he has a lot in his collection by now but he does not have those really old Shaw Brothers Kungfu Classics. For the previous two years, I bought him comics online so they have ceased to become an element of surprise.

I didn’t know how to buy dvds online. Most of the suppliers came from US and had expensive shipping charges. Finally I found one from HongKong which offered free shipping. Then I had to figure out the regions. We have to buy Region 3 dvds. Region 2 is for Japan and Region 1 is for the US. If you buy the wrong region, it won’t play on your player. You also have to check the system whether NTSC or PAL whatever that means. Haha. If I am not mistaken we use the NTSC system here but most dvd players are smart enough to play both something like that.

Finally, I found my supplier. I decided to order just one first for Christmas to try it out ie check out the quality etc. It arrived one day after Christmas. Oh dearie me. Worse still, it arrived on Saturday when hubby was around. When we came home he saw a box on the porch and asked what was that. Cheh! Spoilt half the fun. I had to tell him that that was his belated Christmas present. Hahaha.

Since the Christmas dvd took so long to arrive, more than a month, I could not wait to test it so I went ahead and ordered more for his birthday. Unfortunately the Christmas one was in Mandarin whereas the description had been Mandarin or Cantonese for languages. Haiyah! It was too troublesome to return it so I just wrote to them about my disappointment and asked them to check to make sure that the next batch is in Cantonese as well.

The new batch just arrived yesterday in the mail. Hehe. All in good time for his birthday early next month. I’m so busy this month, I don’t have time to shop for his present. Besides we shop together most of the time so I can’t surprise him. Buying online is the best but online shopping is really a bit dangerous. Its too easy! If you have Paypal, its even easier. A few clicks and you have parted with your money without even feeling it. Oops! So far, I have only shopped for books and dvds online. Better stop there before all the money in my Paypal disappears. Hahaha.

I bought 5 dvds in all. Will wrap them up into 3 different packages and get the kids to present one to him each. Hahaha. So easy hor.

Well, got to run to do some more spring cleaning now. Today, I will clear our clothes cupboards. I enjoy clearning clothes cupboard. However, setting time aside to do it is the trouble.

I am married to a man who loves to DIY around the house. If you put this man in a hardware store for example, he could spend hours browsing in it. I try to smile and listen to him when he is at the hardware store in the same manner that he smiles and nods his head at me when I go into the dressing room to try yet another outfit in the ladies department.

It is probably practical to have a DIY man around. These days its hard to get any electrician, plumber or whatever to come to your house. They will take a long time to come over then charge you a bomb for waiting. Sometimes they don’t even do a satisfactory job but they charge you a bomb anyway.

I will digress a bit here. I read in the book on the Five Love Languages that you must speak to your spouse in their love language. My man’s love language is “Acts of Service” and “Quality Time”. This simply means that he will be thrilled to bits and will feel lots of warmth and love whenever I do things for and together with him. This includes DIY things naturally.

I have to learn to become Mrs DIY otherwise my DIY man becomes very unhappy. He likes me to fix things together with him. Recently, I have added “electrician” as part of my Mrs DIY’s portfolio. I have fixed the plumbing: sinks and WCs, climbed up roofs to fix water tanks, repaired holes in the ceiling with putty, painted walls, fixed the flooring, and recently I learned how to change an electrical plug from two point to three point.

I sometimes sulk when interrupted halfway through reading my trashy women’s magazine to fix the toilet but I will do it anyway because it is his love language. I just hope he doesn’t get me a tool box like the one above for my birthday gift.

Anyone needs to fix anything in their house? My fees are very cheap. lol.

In my previous post, Henny commented that she got the following for a birthday present from her spouse.

….a mini electric tire inflator!! He said, when I go away so you could pump your car’s tire easily at home…My God!!

Hahaha. Well, Henny, I haven’t got an inflator before but I’ve got 4 brand new tyres so that I could drive safely outstation. And as I mentioned to you, once I got a juicer for Mother’s Day so I made juice for him on Father’s Day.

Once, I got shoes……luckily he took me for a daytrip to PD but it sure was painful to walk around the beach in my new shoes. Hahaha.

For me, some flowers, maybe a teddy bear for hugging and a card full of mushy words will mean more to me than any expensive household gadget. I’ll accept the mushy words card minus the flowers and bear too. Hehe. I’ve only got flowers twice. Twice in the 15 years since I’ve known him. Homemade card is even better but must contain mushy words. Hahaha. I’ve never received a homemade card before EVER. Its better than expensive household gadgets and a lot cheaper too, but at the moment, I may accept an oven because I want to learn to bake but I’m just dreaming of course because I have no space for an oven and the man thinks I have enough up my sleeves and has no time for baking so he certainly won’t be getting me one.

We’re practical. We don’t give each other anything on Valentine’s, our Anniversaries and Father’s or Mother’s Day (We’ll leave that one to the kids). Only birthdays sometimes. Even then, I don’t know what to get him each time his birthday comes around.

Tell me ladies, do you like to receive household gadgets as a birthday or other present? What is the most memorable funny gift your spouse has ever given you? Could  you also share what you  think was the best gift you gave your spouse?

Yesterday, I got the girl’s piano class time mixed up. I was trying to get her into the shower when *ding dong* the teacher had arrived. So I hurriedly pulled her back out and headed for the door.

After piano class, it was too late to bathe the kids so I sent them off to nap. It was rather late by then so they didn’t nap, after all. Then it was dinner time.

After dinner, I was doing some things for hubby and by the time I was done it was almost 9pm. I decided to bathe the kids and get them straight into their pyjamas since they missed their afternoon naps. Then I gave them their milk. (BTW, my late mum would probably have given me a good and proper scolding for bathing the kids after 7pm).

The room was in a total disarray. The bed was still unmade because I didn’t have time to do it after the kids had their “nap”. Toys and cards were everywhere. So I said ….”Children (much like the way, Maria from The Sound of Music would), remember  you said you wanted to play the memory matching game? Well, its rather late now, so if you still want to have the time to play a bit before we sleep, you have to help mummy pack ok? Mummy is going to have a bath now and going to wash your bottles. By the time, I’m up, I want to see all of these toys gone and the pillows and blankets put nicely in the right place. Remember to pick up the cards too so that we have all the cards we need to play the memory game.”

Then I went to have a shower. By the time I came out, the toys had disappeared! The bed was made, the pillows were where they should be, the bedspread was nicely pulled out. The bed looked very inviting. I wish I could jump into it. Haha.

How to Stay Sane Rule #1: Be innovative! Instead of yelling at the kids to pick up the toys and then swearing under your breath while  you make the bed. Give the kids a reason to pack up themselves. It’ll be done faster than you can do it yourself. Haha.

So I sat down and played the memory match game with the kids for a while. Then I remembered that I had forgotten to get them to brush their teeth during their shower. Normally, I get them to brush their teeth BEFORE they change into their pyjamas because they almost always get half their top and bottoms wet when they brush. You might think that getting the kids to brush their teeth is such and easy task but really, it can be quite stressful and time consumming. Haha.

How to stay Sane Rule #2: When you realise that you’ve messed up. Give yourself a break. Don’t sweat it. And so I sent the kids off to bed with their milk stained teeth. Pssst. I don’t always do this. Sometimes when I forget to get them to brush BEFORE changing into pyjamas, I would roll up their sleeves, then stand holding a towel between them and the sink to make sure they don’t get their pyjamas wet. Really siao!

Well, so we’re done and in bed reading 10 stories which they had picked. 5 each! Fortunately they were rather short stories. When we were almost ready to turn off the lights, I heard a voice. It said….

“Hon, you long time never massage my feet for me already hoh?”

The kids were happy to hear that as it means they can stay awake longer. So we all jumped into the bed in the adjoining room to wait for daddy to get ready for bed. After the massage and the tv watched daddy instead of the other way around, I took the kids to bed.

Soon enough, I heard soft heavy breathing from the two of them and then I stared into the darkened ceiling wide awake! I was sleepy before but after making sure everyone goes to sleep I can’t sleep anymore!

How to stay Sane Rule #3: When you can’t sleep, don’t sweat it. Think about your next blog post. And that my friend was how this blog post came into fruition. Hahaha. No, I was just kidding. When you can’t sleep, don’t think about your blog, its bound to keep you awake even more! So don’t blog in your head if you want to sleep.

In another unrelated incident, we were shopping when the boy suddenly announced that he had to poo. He said “No” when we asked him “Can you wait?” (Bad parents. Hehe.) So I had to trudge 2 floors down the department store to find a toilet. When I finally did, I decided to take him to a squatting toilet as I was worried that the sitting ones would be dirty. Well, the toilets weren’t child friendly. I had to squat down in front of him to support him because with his little jeans, he could barely stretch to open his legs to reach the sides.

Finally, we found a workable position, so there I was squatting and supporting him and holding a pile of tissue papers which I had retrieved from my handbag with one hand while holding him. And there he was looking up at me, smiling broadly and singing the Christmas songs that was playing in the background! “Aiyah, baby, don’t sing lah. Concentrate” to which he smiled even more and said “Singlah, mummy, sing.” And so I smiled back at him and sang. This is as good a moment of bonding as any, I suppose. (His father and sister were waiting impatiently at another level of the department store and here he was taking his own sweet time but I suppose you can’t really rush your poo. Hahaha.)

How to stay sane Rule #4: When in an unusual situation, don’t sweat it. Hum Christmas hymms instead. lol. (And as a mother of young kids, you are bound to be caught in lots and lots of unusual situations, you can be sure of that!). So stay cool. (Psssst. I’m not always cool. Quite often I raise my voice and throw a tantrum. Hahaha. So I must remember this rule myself.)

Well, after squatting there singing Christmas hymms for a while, I stood him up and pulled up his jeans. “But mummy, I not yet ummm mmmm.” he protested. “Nevermind, we try again next door.” And we tried the sitting WC in the next cubicle because he wasn’t used to squatting. One more Chrismas song and we were done. Hahaha. Cursing under my breath and asking him to hurry up is not going to make the poo come out any sooner so might as well sing instead. lol!

How to stay Sane Rule #5: Ask your maid to do it. Well, thats what I’ve been told but sorry, this is NOT ONE OF MY STAYING SANE RULES.

For example, where was my maid when I was squatting down in the toilet with the kid? She was right outside the toilet door chatting with the toilet janitor who was also and Indonesian. I told her to wait for us outside. Some friends think I am “crazy”. “Why don’t you ask your maid to do it?” However, I strongly believe that all this moments in parenting, the good and the not so fun is what makes you bond with your child, so I prefer to do it on my own.

I remember my friends commented to me that “Wuah, now you got maid, you free already lah. When you eat outside you can eat without being disturbed as your maid can help you feed the kids.” However, whenever we eat out, I continue to stuff myself and the kids all at the same time like I used to do, while the maid enjoys her meal uninterrupted. When I told them that feeding the kids should be the mother’s job they think I am quite mad.

Well, taking care of young kids can really drive you mad. This is how I sometimes stay sane. (accept for Rule #5 which is my exception to the rules.) How do you stay sane?

I came across this advice from this dad when I was surfing the net recently. It says “Spend time with your kids before its too late.”  This is exactly my spouse and my sentiments exactly.

I agree totally with this part of the article which reads….

The best time to spend with your children is in the first 10-12 years of their lives.  As teenagers, they begin to distance themselves from you, so make the most of it when they are young, when they want to hug, sit on your knee and love every minute of your company.  (Teenagers, I believe, are less inclined to participate in these fantastic things!).

The author goes on to say that careers can wait. Of course not everyone can afford to take time off work like what he has done because we still need to provide for our families and plan our finances for their education and future.

However, I do think that while the kids are young, parents (not just dads) should try not to work so long hours, travel less, not go for that company trip etc. Of course there is a price to pay for this but its worth it to get to know the kids and bond with them when they are young. They grow up really fast and before you know it, you will have missed out on these wonderful early years.

I have written down all the ways that my kids dad spend time with the kids so that they can remember it in the future. The post:  “When daddy is left alone with the kids” is on my Parenting Times blog. Perhaps, all you other mommy bloggers out there would like to do so too?

When choosing a husband, don’t choose one who has a fantastic mom or one who has a mom who does everything for him.

For example, my nephew who has just gone overseas to pursue his studies found that he now has to learn how to make instand noodles and he doesn’t know how to use a washing machine to wash his clothes because his mom has always been there to do these simple tasks for him.

“You’re spoiling him.” I told my sister. “I pity the poor girl who is going to marry him.” Haha. I was just teasing her of course but its true to a certain extent.

In a similar vein, my husband who was not very close to his mom still finds her care better than mine. He often laments that I do not know how to care for his food like washing them properly (like his mom) and making sure he gets his fruits and taking care not to put too much sugar into his food etc. (The fact that he eats biscuits after every meal is besides the point.) He tells me that his mom told him that you should not take watermelon because the seeds are no good (so he hates it when I give him watermelons).  He tells me to get rid of the sprouts from the potatoes because his mom told him they’re bad. She’s right of course and I do get rid of them but he’d still remind me anyway because his mom told him. Beware moms. Your words will stay with your kids a whole lifetime. Lol.

So when he was down with the same bad cough as I am, he moaned and groaned and said “At least when my mom was alive, there was somone to care for me when I am sick. Now……” Aiyoyo! So of course I ignored him for the entire evening afterwards. Hahaha. To which he moaned and groaned some more the next day about how no one came to make sure he was alright while he was resting with a bad headache with fever while his wife just played with the kids. l0l. Next time don’t make such statements then you will have someone to fuss over you loh. Men! They’re such babies when they are sick.

I have the same bad cough and you don’t see me complaining as much and I have no one to “take care” of me as well when I am sick. When I cough, I have to hold on to my sides or bend over in a certain manner because otherwise my caesarean wounds or something lose inside hurts like crazy. I also have to do some quick kegel exercises when I cough or else I will leak since I have slight incontinence after the babies. That means, when I cough or laugh hard, I also have to hold on hard down there lah. Despite all this, I still have to take care of the two young kids so I can’t complain.

Well, he may be right that I do not know much about all those secret hand me downs recipes for ailments and good health. See, I even have to write a blog post to ask for help on what to do about a cough. (Thank you very much to all those who responded.) Anyway, my mom passed away young, so whatever knowledge that could have been passed down to me ended there so you can’t blame me. I told him.

I know its too late for most of the readers of this blog to choose a husband because you’ve already got one. So is your husband a “mommy’s boy”? Do you get compared in terms of cooking and doing some other stuff etc? Do you have to “compete” with MIL? Share share? We can rant together about our men here and let the rest of the men out there learn a thing or two about how to treat their wives. Lol!

Why are you a SAHM, WAHM, FTWM etc? Is it what you want?

I am a SAHM because it is what I want. I love it that the only thing I need to think about before I go to sleep each night is what to cook the next day. Yes, I am that shallow! Hahaha. I don’t have to worry about the first thing in the morning meeting or flight, or worry that the bus that I hired won’t turn up on time for my 30 training participants, or practise that talk I have to make the next day or spend a sleepless night because the market is down 100 points again. Nosiree! Thinking about what to cook the next day is much much better. It gives me more focus when I am reading and chatting to my kids at bedtime. I am not distracted by my own work stresses.

I am happy to be around for my kids when they need me. It is a pleasure to greet them when they come home from school. It is a pleasure to feed, bathe and nap with them. It is good to be able to help them with their schoolwork etc.

Some people tell me, but you’re lucky that you can afford it. Thats not true. If I were working, we’d probably have a higher standard of living. However I don’t think about the bigger house we could be living in or the better cars that we could be driving or the many other things that we will be able to afford with more money because it is my choice and I am happy with my choice. 

I know many SAHMs who are unhappy because it is not what THEY wanted. Its what their spouse or family wants. There are also FTWMs who are unhappy because it is not what THEY want. Its because of circumstance.

On the other hand I also know people who are FTWM because its what THEY wanted. Its not because of the money, they tell me. “If I had to stay at home the whole day like you, I’d go mad!” they say. Well, in that case they had better stay FTWM but they should not complain about the stresses of being one then because its what THEY wanted. I know many FTWM who have very full schedules but still manage to have very close relationships with their kids and they don’t complain about how stressful it is juggling a job and a family because it is what THEY want.

What we want must also match what our spouse wants. I believe that at first my spouse would probably prefer it if I worked. Nevertheless, he says that he will support me in my choice and despite his earlier preference, I think he is now secretly happy that he has me at home taking care of the kids this closely. We don’t have to worry about one of us having to take time off work when the kids are sick or having to make alternative arrangements for transport etc because I am always available. He is happy that I have the time to look after the kids and can coach and teach them myself instead of sending them to some after school care centers that seem to have sprouted out everywhere due to the demand for it.

I just hope that for most of us, we are where we are because it is what we want instead of it being due to circumstances or being forced upon us. Because we can only become happy and better mums if we are happy individuals.

Tell me blogger mommies, are  you happy with where you are now? Is your spouse happy about it?