Archive for the 'Marriage & Relationships' Category

I remember when we were dating he used to insist hint that I dress in a certain manner. (Translates : High heels and body hugging dresses).

After he got me and even before we were married, his preference for my dressing changed to relaxed. All of a sudden he preferred me to dress down rather than dress up.(Translates: Bermuda shorts, pants, shirts, sneakers.) 

Now that we are married, I don’t think he notices what I wear or even cares. (Translates: Thats married life!)

I’m curious. Are all men like these? Gals, does he prefer you to …..

1. Dress up?
2. Dress down?
3. Don’t care?

And what is YOUR own preference? Do you dress for him or for yourself? Do you prefer to dress up or otherwise?

Guys, Do you prefer your ladies to…..

1. Dress Up (Translates: Dress Sexily)
2. Dress Down (Translates: Cover Up)
3. Don’t Care? (No need translation)

Hubby’s birthday is approaching and so the unimaginative me went and ordered some more comics for him just like last year. They arrived in a box the other day. The kids were very excited when I told them that the box is a surprise birthday present for daddy.

So we wrapped it up together and I swore them to secrecy after we found a good hiding place for it. Even the 3 year old chipped in “Maybe we’ll hide it in Kong Kong’s room. Its somewhere different.” he said. I was surprised at his clever suggestion. “No, no.” says the 5 year old “Daddy goes in there sometimes to check that everything is ok.” I was surprised about how observant she is. In the end we hid it in another box in our bedroom cupboard.

“Remember, don’t tell daddy about it.” I said.

When daddy came home……

“Daddy, daddy, daddy, there is a surprise present for you!”

Daddy comes to me laughing. “Hahaha. I got surprise birthday present ah. The kids told me.”

When I asked them about it they innocently said. “But we didn’t tell daddy where we hid it or that it is his kungfu kungfu book which he reads in the toilet.”

Lol! Yes, they went on and on and on about his surprise, telling him all about it without revealing what it was but of course hubby already knew……

Next year, I better think of something else. Hahaha.

Where is a good place to meet the opposite sex? Hmm… well, from the experience of those whom I know, it would seem that a good place to meet the opposite sex is…

• at school, college or university
• at work
• in Church
• at a pub
• on the internet (have to be careful with this one though)
• I don’t know any more good meeting places. You tell me.

Just within my family, I know of 3 school sweethearts, 3 workplace romances and I pub meeting, thats me. I met hubby at the pub. His friends often laugh in amazement when he tells them that he met me at the pub. Why not? Good girls cannot go to pub meh? I think in their minds, only notty girls go to pub, and not Ms Boring Goody Two Shoes like this one. Lol!

I am a good girl (konon) but I used to go to the pub a lot (in my 20s to 30s). Every weekend and sometimes weekdays too with my girlfriends. I wonder how we still could work the next day. Ah… when you’re young you have lots of energy. Used to drive home alone sometimes at 3am in the morning. Very dangerous behaviour. I wouldn’t dare now but I thought nothing of it then. Sometimes we took turns to drive but usually we drive there and home separately.

Ok, sorry, I digressed. So, where do you think is a good place to meet the opposite sex or where did you meet your spouse if you’re married? Care to share?

My husband is a family man. He goes grocery shopping with me and he enjoys our little family routines. He likes to spend time with the kids and he likes to come home early to see the kids. He likes to still have some energy left for them in the evenings when he returns from work. Usually he doesn’t though. He leaves home very early before everyone is awake. By the time he gets home, have dinner, does some work, he is usually so tired he falls asleep immediately. This leaves us only the weekend for the family.

This makes him a hero in our eyes but what does this make him at work? I am afraid that in these competitive times and in the corporate world, leaving work early does not look good. It makes him stand out like a sore thumb. It makes him a loner. It is a daily struggle for him.

I know he works hard, very hard. He brings leaves work early and brings work home because he likes to do his work in the comfort of home with the kids around him. He tries not to mind the distractions. Unfortunately I don’t think companies or bosses view leaving work early as being very ambitious. I’m afraid that if he turns down yet another drink session with the team in order to spend dinner with his own family instead he will be viewed as not a team worker.

It is hard for me to watch him struggle. We are a one income family. So his struggle is even worse. With me not working, we have no financial back-up so he must hold on to his job no matter what, no matter how tough, no matter how stressful. He has to struggle on day after day, working at peak performance, there is so much work and so little time. It would not be hard to sucumb to work, to spend more and more time at work and less and less time with the family but he tries his best not to, tries his best to go against the flow….

The flow against the tide of people fighting where only the fittest will survive. When you reach a certain age, a certain level, the fight gets worse. There are some who will push you down so they will rise. The others are too busy struggling against the current themselves to care about you. In a corporate culture where spending a lot of time at work, travelling, speaking, networking, you are a loser if you don’t comply to or meet those high standards. It is not easy to be a family man in this type of environment where you have to swim or sink. For a woman at least, to a certain extend, there is some understanding that she needs to spend time with the family but for a man its usually “Your wife can take care of it.”

Why is it so hard to balance work and family? Why must the scale tip towards work? Why don’t employers realise that a well balanced employee who has a happy and healthy family life is more productive than one who spends 12 hours at the workplace?

If I happen to speak to him at work, I can hear that he is tense and very, very busy. He speaks quickly and his sometimes his curt and tense speech takes some time to adjust at home. It is really not easy to switch from work to family. It takes a while. The weekend helps but it is over too quickly and then it is back to the grind again.

Sigh. I’m ranting because I feel for my man. I feel his tension and stress but I don’t know what I can do to help him. I feel so helpless….

I have been having chronic headaches. I get these headaches everytime I wake up from sleep whether its nighttime sleep or an afternoon nap. The headaches don’t feel painful but rather my head feels very heavy, a bit like hangover headaches I think. Its not much fun to feel this way almost daily.

I have a CT Scan scheduled to make sure there is nothing wrong with my head. And so I sit here and face my greatest fear as a mother again. Its just a routine test (I’ve done it before) but I’m still kiasi. Yes, I am really kiasi one. I was never this way till I became a mother. I think all parents have this kiasi feelling. It is a feeling that comes out of love for our children. Whether they are still little like mine or they are all grown up we always want to be around for them to look after them and make sure they are alright.

On the bright side, I think I’ve started to spot now. Phew! My period was late and I was really worried about getting pregnant (now that I’m on medications) even though we both long for another child.

I’m still not in a very good mood today plus I had a tiff with the hubby over some issues. I was very mad at him for saying some rather hurtful things and he was mad at me too but I’m not mad anymore. Somehow I can’t stay mad at him for long …..

How should I cheer myself up? I think I will go and write some money paying posts, then play some color mixing with the kids then go watch the King and I and sing and dance with the kids. Yes, thats what I’ll do. 

“Not another family gathering of yours??!!”

This is a loaded statement and one that could lead to big arguments for most married couples. Hahaha.

Thats right. For most Asians, when you marry, you don’t just marry the man or woman, you marry the family! So unless you’re made of exactly the same mould and your spouse is very sociable, loves company and gets along like house on fire with your family, this is a source of disagreement for most couples.. well, at least the couples I know unless you beg to differ. Well, then you are very lucky indeed.

“Whose family gathering should we attend? Your side or my side? Why does you family has so many get togethers? You’ve attended so many of your own family gatherings, now its my turn. I’m not going to visit your brother/sister/*fill in the blanks* etc etc etc.” Take your pick. Theres lots to argue about. Lol!

The trick to settling these kinds of arguments is COMPROMISE!

Fortunately for me, hubby is not close to his family so we only have one side to argue about. Kekeke. We agreed that we won’t attend each and everyone of my nephews’ and nieces’ birthdays and make it only for the important dates (though if left to me decide, we would attend each and every one of them. Haha.)

Well, I have a big family gathering or rather getaway looming. I need help to persuade hubby to go. Help! (If you don’t have problems in this area then please refrain from commenting as I don’t want to suffer from a bout of enviousness. Lol!)

Are you on good terms with your eX? That would include your eX-girlfriend/boyfriend, ex-bosses, eX-colleagues, eX-lovers, eX-fiance/fiancee, maybe even eX-spouse? Is your spouse on good terms with his eX? If its an eX gf or eX bf are they still friends? How do you feel about it?

I’m left to ponder this as my friend gets ready to welcome her husband’s eX-gf into their home. I don’t think I can do that. If I had an ex-gf of my hubby stay over at my home, in another room, I would probably go crazy just thinking and imagining and conjuring up their past. Hahaha.

If they are nice to each other, I would think, hmmm…. how come they’re still on such good terms. If they’re not nice to each other, I would think, hmm…. why the undercurrent? Is there some left over uncharted feeling? Lol! Either way, its a lose lose situation with me. So no, I won’t accept having an eX-gf of my hubby stay over at my house. Nosiree. Come over for dinner or drinks, ok but sleepover, sorry!

What do you think of eX-relationships? Should it be dead or burried?

Psst. If I don’t reply to your comments immediately its because I’m trying to cure my blogging addiction.

My neighbour’s wife (she had better not be reading this) is slim. She drives to work in a luxury car. She wakes up at 5am to jog in the park before going to work. She has two young kids too (just like me) so I have no excuse. Can’t say, thats because she is single and have all the time in the world. Heheh.

That makes me wonder, what does my hubby think of his fat lazy wife who wakes up at 9am who stays at home and yells at the kids all day and continues yelling at them when he gets home. The same wife who complains incessantly about the kids amongst other things to him when he gets home instead of rubbing his feet and listening to his day as he would have imagined a SAHW would do. Hahah.

Tell me women, do you compare yourself with the other woman? Any other woman that is… the woman next door, your colleagues at work, your old girlfriend, the woman at the cashout counter at the supermarket….. C’mon be honest. I’m sure you do. Thats what makes you a woman. Kekekeh.

Next time you catch yourself comparing. Try to win in the competition ok? Say “I’m better because…..” instead of “She’s better because….” I think most of us are overly critical of ourselves and we deserve better.

Does your spouse read your blog and how do your feel about it?

Mine does not. At first I was very disappointed that he did not. I was so hard up for him to read my blog that I went to the extend of emailing him entire blog posts complete with comments. Hahaha.

I thought that if he didn’t read my blog, it meant that he did not care about what I thought. I also thought that it meant he didn’t support my blogging hobby. In fact, at first he told me it was a waste of time and he didn’t understand why anyone would blog.

I thought it meant that he was not interested to know another part of me ie the part that comes out in writing. We all have many personalities and I believe the part that comes out in writing may not necessarily be the same as the one that gets portrayed in person. Sometimes the part that comes out in writing is a deeper more meaningful personality. Sometimes in writing you see more of a person.

In that same vein, I tried to encourage him to have a blog because I wanted to know him better. I wanted to read his thoughts because he is not very expressive. (like most men.) If he had a blog, I would probably read it word for word, post for post and try to dissect it. Maybe thats why he dare not have a blog. Hahaha.

So, I was disappointed for a while but not anymore. I don’t know when the change occured but all of a sudden, I saw it in a different light. I saw that the fact that he didn’t read my blog meant that he wanted to give me more personal space and as a matter of fact it has given me more personal space. Now I can rant as much as I like. Hahaha. But I seldom rant about him lah. Not because I fear he may be reading but I feel something as personal as a husband and wife relationship should be left that ie personal. I only talk about him if its something good that I want to share or remember and not because I fear that he may be reading. Thats why I have a Marriage and Relationships category. It would be something general though but in relation to a personal experience. Although I must say that many times I have been tempted to sit down here and bang away at my keyboard when I am really mad at him! Hahaha.

So although I wouldn’t mind if he did read my blog, now I’m actually glad he does not. So I never have to deal with him questioning me “How come you wrote that?” “Wow, you spend so much time blogging?” (He’d probably say that about me taking pics and posting up my kids crafts. Check out our latest craft here: Chain Paper Dolls. Hehe.) etc. So I’m perfectly fine with him not reading my blogs now. This way, I never have to worry about him misreading or having my blog post misconstrued by him. I think people who know you well may actually read more into what you have written. But I still admire those spouses who are close enough to blog together no I should say I admire those spouses who can blog together, for not blogging together does not mean that you are not close. I think that blogging by one spouse can sometimes lead to some misunderstandings or issues so what more when both parties blog.

Speaking about spouses reading blogs, I wonder whether parents should read their children’s blogs. Almost all of my nephews and nieces have blogs but their parents don’t read them simply because they’re not very computer savvy and don’t know how to find their blogs in the first place but some of them would like to read just to know their child better and to know whats going on.

I guess that if my children are older and have blogs I would want to read them. I don’t think its an invasion of their privacy because it is afterall a public blog. If you post something in public then you must be prepared for everyone to read what you have written, not only those who don’t know you personally. However, I know of many children who hate having their parents reading their blogs especially mums.

I don’t mind if my siblings read my blog but I don’t think they have the time to follow my blog that closely since they’re not bloggers themselves and they all have their own lives to lead.

As for friends, I don’t mind if they read my blog since its just an extension of me and I have nothing to hide. Sadly though, I don’t have that many close friends whom I care enough to give away my personal thoughts to and thats why I keep the url to myself instead of sharing it freely.

And if I had a boss, no, I would not want my boss to read my blog! Nor would I want any colleagues to, even if I don’t rant about work. I believe one must keep work and personal life separate but thats just me. Others may feel differently.

What about my children? If they are grown and they would like to, I certainly wouldn’t mind them reading my blog. I think they would find the archives about bring them up quite funny. Too bad I don’t post pictures, otherwise they would find it even more amusing or perhaps they may go “Awe mum! Why did you pose that naked pic of me?” Hahaha. Mums, have you thought of that?

Independent Thought: If you really are the kind of person who loves to stick with their memories, and often does an online file sharing, then it’s good to have backup computer files of your blog on your pc. Keeping a blog backup is like a memory bag always there for you and your loved ones. Try to install some data recovery programs for the purpose of data recovery , on your pc that are compatible with your blogging soft ware.

In order to prevent the situation where you lament that your partner is not the same anymore sometimes its important to do a little exercise as follows. 

Can you think back to the time when you were dating and about all the nice things you did for each other and then let your mind float back to the present and think about now. Does he/she still treat you the same? You should also ask yourself Do YOU still treat him/her the same?

I remember when I was his girlfriend and he said he wanted to have home cooked meals, I would drive home to my apartment after work, cook up a meal for the both of us then pack them nicely into a tiffin carrier before driving to wait for him at a petrol station to wait for him. Yes, thats right. I didn’t have the key to his place and he worked later than me. So I would wait for him at the petrol station with my little tiffin carrier of hot home cooked food. He would call me on his way home and we would chat on the phone while I waited for him.

Ahhhh what a sweet girlfriend. No wonder he married me. Hahaha. And what has he got now? A grouchy old lady who shouts at the kids when he gets home.

What about him? When we dating, I remember once on my birthday, he bought me shoes then told me he was taking me on a trip to walk on those new shoes. Another time, he bought me new tyres for my car and then took me on a trip on those new tyres. Haha.

Now what have I got now? For my recent birthday he surprised me with something I had wanted all my life. A piano. Then the next day he took me to the bookstore to buy a “Learn to play the piano on your own” book. And then he signed me up for piano lessons and told me that he will send me for my piano lessons and wait with the kids for the half hour lessons to finish before going home together. I’m so excited. I can’t wait for my first lesson even though I’m probably the oldest student there but who cares!

He knows that learning to play the piano is my lifetime dream so he is now making my dream come true. Now I can truly say that I married my the man of my dreams. Hahaha.

Ok. So whats the point of this exercise? Well comparing the us then and the way we treated each other then and the us now and the way we treat each other now, I think I better….. BUCK UP before my man decides to change model. Better increase those back rubs, foot massages and feeding him fruits along with the kids while he relaxes in front of the tv after dinner which he likes AND reduce the shouting at the kids. Hahaha.

What about you? Do you still treat each other the same? Care to share?