Archive for the 'Parenting' Category
“He is four years old. Why isn’t he in kindy yet?”
I’ve gotten used to hearing this by now. I still hear it quite often when my 4 year old boy tags along to his sister’s kindy. I hear it from the teachers, the other parents as well as grandparents. They won’t leave us alone. Everytime I meet a new parent, they’d ask this question and look at us as though we’re weird. It annoys me to no end.
The kindy where my girl attends has
- 1 six year old class,
- 1 five year old class,
- 2 four year old classes,
- 1 three year old class and
- the under threes are grouped together and considered the daycare class.
Some of them come to school with bolsters, pillows, pacifiers and are still in diapers. Some of them look like they’ve just learned to walk. Notice that the kindy has more classes for 4 year olds compared to the five and six year olds. What does that tell you?
It tells me that the entry age for kindy has been brought down significantly. Why? I suppose its because we now live in a competitive world where both parents are working and we simply have no choice and if we don’t send our kids, they will not be learning anything at home and we’re worried they will be left behind. Yada yada yada.
I guess if one really does not have a choice, its ok if you send your child to a playschool to play. But no, the kids are now subjected to at least 3 years of kindy ie K1, K2 and K3. The learning environment is structured with many subjects like Math, English, Malay, Mandarin, Science, Moral, and there is homework and tests. (Previously there was only kindy, then there was K1 and K2, now we have K1, K2 and K3. What next? K4 I suppose.) I think its crazy.
My 4 year old is at home and they think I’m crazy. Some tell me “But you have the luxury of being home to teach him.” No, I don’t have the time to teach him all the time. Sometimes I just let him watch TV but I think thats perfectly fine for a 4 year old. So I’m probably crazy. More crazy then the parents who say “But I’m so worried my kid will not learn anything at his grandparent’s.” I understand those who do not want to leave the kid alone at home with the maid but not wanting to leave the kid in the comfort of home with loving grandparents? Hmmmm….
My girl didn’t attend any playschool, playgroup, Sunday school, nursery or whatever you call it. She stayed at home with me and went to kindy for the first time at 6 years old. And no, she did not turn out to be a social pariah. (As some predicted. Those are not my words.) No, she is not left behind. No she is not miserable in kindy. On the contrary, she is one of the above average students (according to her teacher), she has many friends and she participates in class by asking questions and she loves kindy. Right from the very first day. I didn’t have to deal with any tears.
But I was worried. I was so worried that she’d be left behind. I was worried that she’d not know how to socialise (she was a very shy kid to the extent of hiding under the table when my sis came to visit). She was very clingy too.
My boy is much more clingy than her. He is like a koala bear with super glue. But I shall not worry. I shall not worry the next time I hear “He is four years old. Why isn’t he in kindy yet?” along with the weird glances we receive. I shall be sending him next year at age 5. And thats it! Just leave us alone!
Birthdays are worth remembering so I’ll record down what we did on the day. I woke up around 4am with an unpleasant dream and couldn’t go back to sleep for 1 1/2 hours. When I finally did, the unpleasant dream continued. Hmm… didn’t like that one bit.
After that I woke up and fixed breakfast for everybody while daddy woke up and did some work around the house. And thats how my birthday and his Father’s Day started. With business as usual.
After breakfast, we decided to take the kids to the movies for the first time. The line was so long like a snake. We hadn’t gone to a cinema in 10 years so we were totally lost. How many tickets to buy? Do the little ones need tickets? What showtimes? Which seats? Where to buy? etc. Hahaha. But we survived it.
Finally we bought the tickets. We only managed to get tickets for the 2.30pm show for seats on the 3rd row from the front. So we went shopping and had lunch first. After the movie we went shopping some more for daddy’s present to mummy. The kids wanted to get me presents too. “Mummy, I want to buy you a present. I want to buy you a pink flower.” my girl said to me. Hmm….so how did I resolve that? “Go and ask your daddy” I said. Hahaha. And so that is how, I got two flowers nicely wrapped and presented to me by the kids and paid by daddy who had not bought me any flowers in years. Only once in all this time that I have known him. And that was the time when he was tring to get to know me. After that no more flowers from the man. Hahaha. “Can I have the flower back after I give it to you?” asked the boy. Hmm…..
Then we went to the cake shop to buy a sinful banana chocolate cake and we went home to fix a broken light in the house, went straight out again for dinner before coming home to continue fixing the lights. By the time we sang the birthday song and ate the cake it was 9.30pm! The kids then presented me with the flowers and a banner that the girl had drawn for me. Hehe. Before that the kids kept on grumbling. “How come mummy’s birthday hasn’t started?” To them a birthday officially starts only and until you sing the birthday song and cut the cake and open the presents.
Before we went to bed, we put the flowers in two vases, one for each of them and they fought over where to put their own vases. (Hey, I thought the flowers were for me!) They wanted to know how long it would stay beautiful. When I told them that it would probably last about a week because flowers need sunlight, water and food (a lesson in Science) they were sad. Hmm… maybe we should have bought artificial flowers. I noticed that the artificial carnations look like the real thing when I was choosing my roses, pink for the girl and yellow for the boy just because those are their favourtite colours.
What a long day. We went out at about 10.30am and only called it a day at 10.00pm skipping the children’s naps. The children were tired but happy (a little hyper and cranky towards the end of the day but still happy) and so was mummy. Only….., daddy didn’t get his Father’s Day massage from the whole family because we were all so busy. He had to work very hard ferrying his family around and paying for meals and fixing the house lights. Poor daddy. “Its ok” he said “Thats what Father’s do.” And thats why the kids and I love him. Oh and he’ll get his massage as he always does, not only on Father’s Day.
The other day I saw a man dropping his daughter off at kindy. He drove near the kindy. He couldn’t get right up to the front gate because there was another car ahead of him. The girl who was sitting at the back opened the car door herself and walked a short way to the gate on her own. She is my daughter’s classmate.
So far I have not seen any other parents do this. Most of them get down, open the door for the kid and walk the kid to the gate. I do this too. I do this out of my own fear because of a few near misses when it comes to car doors.
As a result, I do not allow the kids to open the car doors on their own. The car doors have child locks on and I open the door for them to enter and exit the car. Let me talk about the near misses.
1. My sis was on the driver’s seat of her MPV and she had swung the automatic back doors to close. It almost closed on my girl’s hands had I not jumped in on time to pull her away.
2. I was quarrelling with hubby over some dunno what small matter and I was still arguing while we were unloading our boot of groceries and then I slammed the boot door onto my girl’s fingers. I slammed really hard. We had to unlock the boot door because her fingers were trapped. Fortunately her fingers were caught in between a gap! My heart stopped that moment. I don’t remember what we were arguing about now but I will never forget that heart stopping moment. Thats why they say when in a fight, stop and think. Is this really important 5 years from now? If its not, forget it. Obviously its not because I can’t even remember what we were fighting about now but it almost caused my girl her fingers.
3. My boy had put his fingers in the space in between the door hinge and my husband almost closed the car door without realising it.
Coming back to car doors. As a result, I do not allow the kids to open or close the doors on their own. I am afraid that they may accidentally close the doors on their own or each other’s fingers.
I wonder at which age will it be safe to allow kids to handle car doors on their own? I wonder am I being over protective over my kids sometimes, raising molly coddled kids. I wonder is the man whose daughter got out so confidently and walked on her own to the kindy gates raising an independant child or is he being foolhardy?
“I’m stuck all day in the house with the kids. There is no adult conversation. Only whining. I have no time for me. There is so much to do. I feel so tired from it all, day in and day out. Its the same everyday. Taking care of little kids 24/7 is really tiring. They are so demanding. In the evenings I have another kid to take care of. I feel so overwhelmed. So tired. I wish my spouse could help out but he is so tired after work he usually falls asleep right after dinner! So I have to carry on even though I am tired too.”
“I’m so lucky to spend so much time with my kids. Its really great to be with them when they wake up, during mealtimes, when they get back from school. Its fantastic to be able to be there for them, to play with them and listen to them. Sometimes they have so much energy, much more than me! The kids and I look forward to when their dad gets home. I miss him all day so its nice to pamper him at the end of the day too. I am happy that I can be so close to my kids. I am happy to have a wonderful supportive spouse who tries to help out even though he is so tired most days he will sleep right after dinner.”
They’re both me. Hehe. So which do I choose to be? The second more positive person of course. The only time when I revert to the negative person is when I am mad (so one should always try to control one’s anger - then I get into a negative downward spiral and the thoughts spin and spin downwards negatively). The other time when I think negatively is when I don’t take care of myself enough. So I always try to take care of myself first. Then and only then will I be able to take care of others. When I feel deprived (of anything, whether its time or whatever) thats when I get caught by the downward negative spiral again.
So postive or negative? Its up to me. And I choose Positive. What about you?
Over the weekend we went to see a private school in KL which was having its open day. The private school offers the kind of education which solves our current “Kebangsaan School or Chinese School” dilemma.
The medium of instruction is mainly in English with the study of Chinese Mandarin as a compulsory second language. (Some parents want their kids to learn Chinese but not in the kind of learning environment that is being offered at Chinese Schools.) Of course Malay is taught too because the students have to sit for the government exams. Plus there is a lot of focus on ICT as well and the facilities are there for it. With airconditioned classrooms and a nice library and a big hall for games. Nice?
However at an average fee of RM10,000 a year (and this is a modest estimate) *calculate calculate* from Standard 1 to Form 5 (11 years) would cost *calculate calculate* *drum roll* Taddaaaa! Only RM110,000. This does not include many other fees like transportation (because the private schools are usually very far and out of the way), food, other activities etc. So lets say on a rough estimate it costs RM150,000 per child for 11 years x 2 (because I have 2 kids) bringing that to a grand total of only RM300,000! Waluaeh! And that does not include higher education. Most people would opt for overseas education.
Gosh! I think I will go back and start cracking my head again over the dilemma. I have no choice but to choose between the devil or the deep blue sea. (Either the too lepak Kebangsaan school or the too strict Chinese School). Private education solves our dilemma but how many people can afford it? Even then many middle class families are now turning to it (Not only the filthy rich send their kids to private schools these days.) Many parents have to slog really hard to provide their children with the kind of learning environment which they hope will provide them with the opportunities to make them thrive and excel. But its so expensive. Sigh!
Anyway, here are the links to some of the private schools around KL if you are interested:
Today somebody told me this. Sounds like a complement right? But its not. Hardly. It was something my girl told me because I had lost my voice due to a bad sore throat. Hahaha.
“I like you like this. Then you can’t scold us.” she said.
Which just goes to show how much I shout at them, nag and scold them each day from morning till bedtime.
“Hurry up.” “Stop fighting” “Don’t jump” “Go to sleep” “Pick up your toys” “Don’t run at the stairs” are some of the things I yell at them in desperation each day.
Once, I heard the kids discussing. “Daddy is nicer because he buys us toys. Mummy stays at home all day and scolds us the whole day.”
The kids associate daddy with fun and play and toys and “kai kai” (going out whether to the mall or to eat) so of course he wins in the fun department but I don’t mind because I’m still favourite. Hahaha. No matter how much I shout at them or scold them, I am still the favourite parent (for now) simply because of the amount of time I spend with them I guess.
And although they equate daddy with fun and play they are still afraid of him. “Don’t tell daddy” is a frequent request I hear from them.
Anyway, since she “likes me like this”, I guess I should try to be like this more often, no not the sore throat but less shouting at them. ;P
I am happy to receive many useful comments from my previous post about getting a maid. I love it that my blog is like my own personal forum. Thank you to all those who gave feedback, their ideas and opinions. They are things that only those who have experienced the process can think of. Hmm… managing a maid really is no simple task is it? You’ve got to have really good people skills as well as good communication skills in planning and laying out the tasks and making sure its done and lots of patience and tolerance too. Its not just a matter of hiring a maid and saying “Nah… you do the work.” Its a lot more than that.
One of the commentors, Adrian reminded me about the issue of how we want our kids to interact with the maid. I think one of the things that the kids must be taught from the start is to treat the maid with respect and not someone to be at their beck and call to do their tasks for them. Kids, are well kids and they have to be told and taught otherwise you will have the scenario of the maids scampering around the kids at their whim and fancy, feeding them, chasing them around, wearing their shoes etc which is something I do not want my kids to learn.
I remember when I was a kid, after my mum passed away, my aunt came to live with us for a year to help us out. After she left, we had a maid to help out. Her name was Ah Yoke. We the kids did not know better then. Imagine this scenario. There were 5 of us and we all had the kick of constantly calling upon Ah Yoke to make us iced coffee. “Ah Yoke, Kopi Ais!” we would call out. We thought it was real cool to have someone make iced coffee for us whenever we felt like it. Poor Ah Yoke. I wonder how she ever got any work done around the house with the 5 of us interrupting her for our Kopi Ais.
Fortunately Ah Yoke was only with us for a short period of time so we did not turn out to be spoilt brats. We all learned independance at an early age because mother was no longer around to pamper us. We learned how to cook at an early age. We would take the soggy catered soya sauce chicken and refry it. Hahaha. We ate catered food for years. How I hate peeking into the tiffin carrier only to see the same unappetising dishes for dinner. We also had a timetable for whose turn it is to throw out the trash, sweep the floor etc. Of course we fought over the timetable too. Lol!
Anyway, this post is not about my childhood but it is a reminder that just as I am going to set the rules for the new maid, I will also set the rules for the kids from the beggining so that they do not rely on the maid too much and they are to treat her with respect like any other member of the family.
Change starts from within and change begins from me. Remember that Michael Jackson song that goes “Take a look at yourself and make that change.” I wonder why that guy can write lovely lyrics but his life don’t reflect it but I digress again.
Anyway, I find that after becoming a parent, everything that I do no longer affects me alone. My actions affect my little ones. And if I want to change a certain behaviour or routine in the house then I have to start the ball rolling. The change has to begin with me!
I have to be the one to set the example. I have to be the one to change first, whether its a behaviour or a routine. Thats a really tough act. Its a heavy responsibility and I must take this responsibility seriously because I have young charges who are dependant on me and who look up to me.
What am I trying to change now? Waking up early! Yaawwwwn!
I wish to impart some knowledge about our Chinese culture to the kids but its hard when I don’t know it very well! Mum passed away when I was 10 and there was no one else to tell me the tales or pass on the Chinese culture to me via word of mouth.
So, the only way for me to tell my kids about their Chinese Culture is through books such as these: Story of the Year. It is a fun story about the origin of Chinese New Year. Books that have stories about Chinese Culture are a great way of teaching the kids about their culture.
For my blogger friends living in North America, you will be pleased to know that Better Chinese is now giving a 10% discount on your entire order when you include a Story of the Year book with your purchase. This Better Chinese promotion will last till January 15th 2008. Just nice for the holidays.
For the others, there is always the free online trial to encourage your kids to learn Chinese through stories.
When I was 12, I attended a strict all girls school. I did reasonably ok in school. I was not those top of the class kids, just average, not a prefect or anything, just average, but that was ok. I wasn’t a straight As kid. I got Bs and Cs but that was ok. I didn’t receive any pressure from anyone. Mum was no longer around. Dad was too busy working to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads to nag me about my studies so I didn’t receive any pressure.
I joined the school Choir because I wanted to, because I loved singing. There was no pressure for me to join this or that. I wanted to learn the piano but we couldn’t afford it so dad said how about learning the organ instead which is cheaper. I said ok and he bought me an organ through hire purchase spread out over 12 years. There was no pressure to learn music. I learned because I wanted to. Thanks to Dad I now can continue my music lessons years later.
I cycled to music classes on my own. It was quite far from my house. I had to go through several traffic lights and roundabouts to get there. My sister taught me how to cycle at the back lane of our house. She pushed me all the way down the back lane, back and forth she pushed me till I got my balance. There was no one to watch over us fearfully.
After reading about yet another case of a child who commits suicides because of poor grades, I can’t help but feel that when I was 12, I lived in a much better world, a carefree world with little pressure and a safe world where children were safe to be on their own without the need to be in the watchful eyes of their parents or a guardian 24 hours a day. Sigh….
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