Is this really important a few years from now?

Theres this telephone in the house which is placed on a table near the window. I remember how we argued and fought about where to place the phone. We both got so stressed up fighting about where to place the phone and how to drag the phone lines etc. Its so funny to think about it now. Hubby won the fight but thats not important now. Whats important was the angry words we hurled at each other then. The angry words which stays in the mind and hurts the relationship.

The phone and where it sits now looks so insignificant you would wonder why anyone would fight over something so small. But thats how its like in a marriage or any other relationship, not only with your spouse but with your children.

You read in self help books that you should always ask yourself this question when you have a fight: Is this really important a few years from now? How very true this is.

I can remember all those times we I shouted and how we got mad at each other and all those hurtful things we said. It doesn’t matter who said what. The important thing is it was said and they were hurtful and you remember them for years and years afterwards but you know what? Sometimes you can’t even remember the quarrel itself or what led you to say them? Thats the funny thing. Most things couples quarrel about are reallly insignificant and so small and really not important a few years later or even a few months later. Its so small you can’t even remember them. I can’t remember most of our arguments but I remember the things we said to each other.

So the next time you want to argue with your significant other, think about how significant the argument is? It may be so small and insignificant that it really doesn’t warrant a use of hurtful words that hurt the relationship. So just shut up, cool down, and by the next day, you may have cooled down enough to discuss the issue without resorting to shouting.

These are things I’m trying to practise but am very bad at…

  • There is no need to finish an argument on the same day. Discuss the issue another day when both of you have cooled down
  • Don’t go to bed angry at your spouse (this one I’m ok at. Hehe)
  • Don’t shout or lose your temper. Ask yourself: Is this really important a few years from now? If it isn’t, leave it alone.

A happy marriage requires good communication, something I’m not very good at so I have to work even harder on it.

Whats happening to me? I’ve written 3 philosophical posts in all my 3 blogs in a morning. Hahaha! Here are the others:

Must have been the fit! Lol! It has reminded me that life is short and you must treasure the people around you. Not only that. You must tell them and show them that they are important to you. Knowing it yourself is not good enough. Show and tell is important too!

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  1. FireHorse says:

    Life is truly short, so are you going to make some time for us to meet when I go home???? LOL, must cucuk you sikit, saying “Life is short” is the easy part, doing something about it requires a little more effort.

    Oh, clever hor you! Well, for that to happen, loh kong must take leave etc etc. Susah sikit ler like dat.

  2. michelle says:

    I am so glad I married someone who doesn’t argue, else I will be the person hurling those words. Take care of yourselves, think happy thots yeah.

    I’m the argumentative one and no we didn’t have an argument. We are at a peaceful place now. I’m just writing this post to remind myself to be less argumentative. Lol!

  3. sasha says:

    I cannot go to bed angry with my hubby. Its like something need to be done then i can sleep peacefully. We seldom argue, but sometimes we argue over silly things and laff about it.

    Wah! Sounds like you still pak tor man. Good. Good. Keep it up. Haha.

  4. dobbs says:

    My Dad gave me the same piece of advice many years ago soon after I got married — if you want to quarrel, make sure it’s over something big/important.
    Sorry to hear you have been unwell and trust everything is under control now.
    Happy Mother’s Day!

    A very Happy Mother’s Day to you too! Pssst… I am embarrassed to tell you that my cross stitch is collecting dust in my drawer. 😛

  5. pablopabla says:

    What I have learnt is to fight the good fight. It is healthy to state one’s opinion but it is important to say the correct words by referring to self. Meaning, eg, I feel hurt when you bla bla bla. Rather than your bla bla bla make me hurt. It does have a difference though it may mean the same thing.

    In any event, it is important to first remember that God has put us together with our spouse in the first place and nothing is impossible to be talked over and resolved in a rational manner.

    Ok Ok you mean must choose fight and twist words. Lol! Just kidding you lah. I know what you mean. Thanks!

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