The weekend that just passed was an emotional one for me. The boy had his kindy concert. Each time I see him go on the stage to sing and dance, I would have this silly grin plastered on my face. Every proud parent has this grin you know, it surfaces whenever you watch your kid being themselves, being adorable. Of course the grin disappears into a growl when they are acting up. However, at the concert, there were only silly grins. Every parent was smiling from ear to ear.
At the same time my heart was laden. Just the day before, I had visited my dad at the ICU. He had suffered a 2nd stroke. The first stroke several years ago left him with dementia. He was otherwise rather healthy. Despite taking medication to control his blood pressure, he had a 2nd stroke. Sigh. This time, it was worse. It was not due to a blood clot but due to bleeding.
Though somewhat knowing somewhere deep in my heart that this may happen, nothing, nothing prepared me for the sight of dad looking so frail on the hospital bed. I thought I would be strong but the dam burst and the tears flowed. I had to get out of the room fast to compose myself so that dad would not see me in that state.
Dad is having another scan done today, after which he may be transferred out of ICU into a normal ward. I hope that that means he will be on his way to recovery. The road ahead is rough and hard though. Perhaps the fact that he has dementia will slightly cushion the impact for him of the fact that he may not be able to walk. Perhaps he will. We don’t know yet. We will get there one day at a time. For now, there are more pressing things to worry about.
This weekend I am taken to the wheel of life celebrating youth, watching happy proud parents and then talking about aging with all the relatives. We are all mostly in our 40s and 50s and watching dad, we all realise that we will all get to this place one day. We will all become old one day. What will it be like for us when we are old?
It has been a roller coaster weekend. Perhaps that is why I am tired. The boy is home with me today because he has a rash on his face and his left eye is swollen. An allergic reaction, I think, from all that makeup slathered on his face. After getting the girl ready for school, I went back to bed and slept like a log till 10pm. No exercise for me today I guess. I am tired.