My spouse and I are opposites. We have very different personalities right down to our sleep wake cycles.
- He is an early bird. I am a night owl.
- He is more positive. I am more negative.
- I am more adventurous about food. He likes to eat the same thing over and over again.
- He is organised and neat. I am messy and blur.
- He is more extrovert. I am more introvert.
- He is a doer and goal oriented. I am a dreamer and drift along.
- He is decisive. I am laid back and indecisive.
- He makes conversation with people easily. I am quiet and reserved.
- He talks and walks fast. I speak softly and walk slowly.
- He is not afraid to take a chance. I would choose the path of least resistance.
- He is level headed and practical. I am impulsive.
- He loves routine. I like to try new things.
- He prefers doing things to a fixed schedule. I am spontaneous.
- He likes to listen to fast music. I prefer slow, relaxing stuff.
- He loves to think and analyse and plan ahead. I don’t like to analyse and I live from day to day.
- He is a joker. I am more serious.
- Even our love languages are different. For him, it is Quality Time and Acts of Service. For me it is Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation.
We are clearly very different. It is no wonder that we sometimes do not understand each other. He views and interacts with the world in a very different way from me. Sometimes our different views and opinions, cause us a lot of strain and tension. We find that we can’t agree on things with our very different styles. That makes us rehash the same arguments over and over again through the years.
Though different in temperament and thought processes, we do have similar values though and we share the same believes on how we should bring up our children. (though the manner in which we bring up the children may vary slightly but the overall believe and value is the same). Family is important to us and we both prefer to stay in then to go out partying with friends, we are not very sociable beings, though that is how we met each other. We met at a pub. 😛
When things are going well, we get along harmoniously because we complement and complete each other. His area of strengths overcome my shortcomings and I am strong in areas he is not.
However during times of stress or periods of difficult challenges, that is when our different sytles and personalities show up big time. That is when I feel our differences the most. The saying “sometimes you are the windshield, sometimes you are the bug” comes to mind. 😛
The challenge of our marriage is how to complement each other, respect and appreciate each other more and communicate better. Right. Now writing that down helps me to remember and understand my spouse better. I do know him very well indeed. 🙂 I understand myself pretty well as well. Self awareness is very important too. If I want my relationship to work, then I must understand myself and my spouse. We may be different but “I’m ok. You’re ok.”
Now, the next step is to make an effort to support him. There is no such thing as an effortless relationship. Love is work. We have to work hard to make our marriage work. One way is to know my own faults and try to correct them. One way is to work on me and hopefully everything else will fall into place.
Instead of focusing on the differences, I should focus on the positives.
He is my best friend and he makes me laugh. He is a wonderful father and he looks after us, his family very well.
I don’t always write about my spouse. Most of the time I write about my children. That is because I feel a marriage relationship is more private and should not be aired on the blog. So I reduce it to the occassional rant and for special occassions like our anniversary. However, today, I am writing this to help me analyse and understand our relationship better so that I can become a better spouse.
Learning to get along with your spouse is crucial. Your spouse will be with you for life (hopefully) and was there even before the kids, whereas your children will grow up and have lives of their own one day so if your spouse is second to your children, you will feel a great loss when they leave the nest. “Till death do us part.” So today instead of writing about parenting as I usually do, I dedicate a whole long winded post to love, marriage and relationships. 🙂
Which are you? Opposites Attract or Birds of a Feather Flock Together.