Growing up without a mother

Yesterday my girl told me that they were talking about Children’s Day, Teacher’s Day and Mother’s Day at school. It made me reflect about how its like growing up without a mother.

My mother died when I was my girl’s age now that is about 9-10 years old. My father never remarried. I don’t remember much about my mother. My memories of mum are few. Sadly, that post which I wrote on 25 Nov 2004 about sums up my main memories left of my mother. I remember feeling sad during Mother’s Day when all the other girls were talking about how they were going to celebrate with their mothers. I didn’t have a mother to buy any gifts for or make cards for because they were doing that at school. I felt my loss then.

Another time was when I was 17 and staying with my aunts. One night I had a terrible tummy ache. I could not sleep, was sweating profusely and felt faint. My aunt came and rubbed some oil on my tummy. We call it Ipoh Hong Ew (Minyak Cap Kapak or whatever). Then she made me drink a  yellow powdered drink, a traditional chinese medicine. I felt much better after that. On one or two other occassions she boiled some chinese herbs over her charcoal cooker for me to combat menstrual pains. Thats the closest I felt of any motherly love. Thats what it must feel like to have a mother.

I felt very lonely during that time. Father and brother was working in another state. Eldest sister was working in another state. Brother was studying in Singapore. I saw sister only during some weekends because she was in university. So there was just me sent to live with my aunt because another aunt was unhappy to have me living in her house because it was overcrowded.

The rest of the time was no different for me. Would my life have been different if I had a mother? Would I have turned out differently? I don’t know. I never really thought about it.

I thought that when I get married I would “get” a mom but it didn’t turn out that way for me. So no mother for me for life.

If you are reading this and you have a mother, remember to appreciate her. 🙂

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8 thoughts on “Growing up without a mother

  1. could feel your loneliness then. *hugs* to you. U r one great mother yourself!

    Thanks for the hugs. You’re one great mother yourself. I don’t know how I’d be able to manage twins like you. Why, I’d go mad. Haha.

  2. Your post made me cry and thanks for the reminder. Could feel your “longing” and “loneliness”.

    WMD, I’m not lonely anymore. 🙂

  3. What a touching post. Makes me wanna go to Ipoh now and give my mom a good bear hug and some kisses. A good reminder to appreciate what we have. I hope you do find comfort in knowing you can be there for your kids now.

    My greatest fear in life is that I would die young and leave my kids behind. Siao hor. Because my mother died when she was 46. I am 44 now. Let me guess. You must be at least 10-15 years younger?

  4. It is very hard to imagine myself without my mother and i am put to deep thought after reading the post. It is easy to live without your father but very very difficult to live without mom. I am thankful to god the has kept her safe and sound. Very nice post written 🙂

    I don’t think it is any easier to live without a father.

  5. Your posts are so meaningful and i like the way you express yourself.

    Thank you for visiting my blog and for you kind words. 🙂

  6. ‘choy, choy, choy’ don’t think of such things-la. You’ll live to a ripe old age, see your grandkids grow up and beyond. You’ll know my EXACT age if you check me facebook ;D

    Oh, it is not something I worry about. It is just that if you ask me what fear I have in life, this would be it. 🙂

  7. Hi MG, yes many times we take things for granted especially when it comes to having “good” parents (both fathers and mothers), whom we do not show our appreciation when they are still around. All relationships are a “two-way” street.

    Well in your case, I am sure you have done very well as a great mother to your kids from all that have been shared here ;P. We do have some “in built” instinct as to how to parent our kids even if there were “no one” to show us the ropes when we were growing up tho’ it will take a bit of “trial and error / relearning” but ultimately, as a parent you will get there ;).

    Do worry too much about how old you are despite your family history. Just enjoy your time with your family and let Him take care of your time on earth ;P. Be carefree on this issue ;).

    Hello Greg. I hope you had a nice weekend. You are right. We do have some inbuilt instinct after all. However I think the trial and error will go on for life because the parenting journey is long and each step is different, joyful but with its different challenges along the way. 🙂

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