Yesterday my girl told me that they were talking about Children’s Day, Teacher’s Day and Mother’s Day at school. It made me reflect about how its like growing up without a mother.

My mother died when I was my girl’s age now that is about 9-10 years old. My father never remarried. I don’t remember much about my mother. My memories of mum are few. Sadly, that post which I wrote on 25 Nov 2004 about sums up my main memories left of my mother. I remember feeling sad during Mother’s Day when all the other girls were talking about how they were going to celebrate with their mothers. I didn’t have a mother to buy any gifts for or make cards for because they were doing that at school. I felt my loss then.

Another time was when I was 17 and staying with my aunts. One night I had a terrible tummy ache. I could not sleep, was sweating profusely and felt faint. My aunt came and rubbed some oil on my tummy. We call it Ipoh Hong Ew (Minyak Cap Kapak or whatever). Then she made me drink a  yellow powdered drink, a traditional chinese medicine. I felt much better after that. On one or two other occassions she boiled some chinese herbs over her charcoal cooker for me to combat menstrual pains. Thats the closest I felt of any motherly love. Thats what it must feel like to have a mother.

I felt very lonely during that time. Father and brother was working in another state. Eldest sister was working in another state. Brother was studying in Singapore. I saw sister only during some weekends because she was in university. So there was just me sent to live with my aunt because another aunt was unhappy to have me living in her house because it was overcrowded.

The rest of the time was no different for me. Would my life have been different if I had a mother? Would I have turned out differently? I don’t know. I never really thought about it.

I thought that when I get married I would “get” a mom but it didn’t turn out that way for me. So no mother for me for life.

If you are reading this and you have a mother, remember to appreciate her. 🙂

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